Testing the Waters llpreviously No One Ever Knewll
by itbeme
Summary: rating is just a precaution, its basically a cute GordieChris slash. Chris is having doubts about his feelings for Gordie. Then he's just having doubts, period. So this is it guys, the last chapter...no more after this...im gonna work on that review page
1. In The Tree House

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Chris, Gordie, Vern, and Teddy are all sitting in the Tree house.

"So, Gordie, what are you doing tonight?" asked Chris.

"Huh? What'd you say?" Gordie asked, looking up from his magazine.

"You fucking hermaphrodite! Why don't you stop reading that stupid-ass book and listen to me?" screamed Chris, trying to contain his laughter.

"Shut-up! You fucking retard! It's a magazine, dumnass! Maybe you **_should _**be making tree houses with Vern and the other idiots!" shouted Gordie

"Hey!" shouted a very offended Vern.

"Shut-up Vern." Chris and Gordie said in unison.

"_Fine_"pouted Vern as he leaned against the wall and began to sulk unnoticed.

Chris and Gordie just sat there for a moment, neither saying anything.

"Asshole!!" Chris suddenly shouted

"Fuck off!" Gordie screamed

"Screw you!" Chris fumed

"You wish." Gordie said in a voice dripping with sarcasm.

"Ass fucker!" came Chris' reply

"Only in your fantasies!" Gordie was shaking, either with anger or laughter, no one was sure which.

"Shut-up" laughed Chris

"Nice comeback, tough guy" Gordie said in a lightheartedly sarcastic way.

"You're such an ass" Chris said in a resigned way.

"Yeah…I know, but so are you" said Gordie in a bored voice

__

"Yeah, I know" Chris responded

They sat there for a few minutes in silence. But now it was one of those comfortable silence where no one has anything to say, and everyone is occupied with their own thoughts anyways. There were no dirty glares during this silence. Just…silence

"So what did you ask anyways?" Gordie eventually asked

"huh?" Asked Chris who had zoned out

"Before, what did you ask me?" Gordie asked

"…oh! I asked if you wanted to come over tonight." said Chris

"I cant tonight" Gordie said automatically

"Why the hell not?" asked a pissed off Chris

"Cuzz, I got a hot date!" Gordie said in a significant way.

"Not that Haley bitch again?!" shouted an outraged Chris 

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"Yeah man! She's hot!" said an excited Vern who had now forgotten that he had been deeply offended.

"How do you figure that?" asked an honestly confused Chris 

"Haven't you ever met her?" Teddy said with feeling as he cupped the air in front of his chest in a crude gesture.

"Yeah, I have…and? Oh! You mean because she's got big boobs and a nice butt?" asked Chris

"Yeah!" shouted all three boys incredulously

"Honestly! Is that all you guys think about?" asked an exasperated Chris

"Duh!" said Gordie

"Oh, so you agree Gordie? But what about other stuff?" asked Chris in an uncharacteristically unsure way.

"Like what?" asked Gordie like he didn't understand the question

"Yeah, like what?" asked Teddy who was tempted to make one of his usual gay jokes, but, seeing Chris' serious face, decided to withhold the urge.

"Well, what about, like their personality and stuff?" asked Chris, in a more confident voice, having recovered from his moment of weakness.

"Well, that stuffs a nice bonus" said Vern in a very wise voice, earning him demeaning looks from all three boys, although, after, they're backs were turned, Teddy licked his lips, raised his eyebrows and nodded in agreement toward Vern.

"What Vern means is…"said Gordie, pausing to give Vern an exasperated look "Yeah, obviously, that stuffs something you want in a girlfriend, but its not the first thing you notice about someone" explained Gordie

"Yeah, its not about a lack of desire for a sense of humor and that kind of stuff. But you cant know what they're like at first glance" Teddy finished off for Gordie

"But you can tell if they have bid boobs at first glance" said Chris, like he understood.

"Yeah" they all said in unison

"Oh" was Chris' only reply

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	2. Friendship

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Chris is spending the night at Gordie's house because his dad is on another rampage. Gordie's dad does not know about it.

"Quare" said Gordie from the desk chair.

"Quare: adverb, …um…when?" Chris asked in a hopeful voice.

__

"Nope, its: because of which thing_" Gordie read from the paper in his hand._

"Aaaaah! Why can't I get that one?!" Chris fumed.

"You say that like it's the only one you can't get. You don't know half of them." Gordie said laughingly.

"Why don't you fuck off Lachance?" Chris said giving him a dirty look.

"Hey! There's no need to yell at me, I'm just trying to help you study." Gordie said defensively.

"Sorry. Its just…I hate this! It's Friday night, we should be doing something fun! Not studying!" Chris said heatedly.

"Well what do you propose we do?" asked Gordie.

"I don't know…lets go somewhere!" suggested Chris.

"Like where?" Gordie asked.

"I don't care where, I just need to get out of this place! I need some air." came Chris' response.

'We could go to the tree house." Gordie suggested.

"Alright" agreed Chris. 

Without packing anything or putting any of the homework away, the boys climbed out the window and headed to the tree house.

"Hurry up slowpoke!" Chris said from inside the tree house as a much smaller Gordie climbed the ladder.

"I'm coming fatass!" Gordie shouted back.

"So, you got any plans for the weekend?" Chris casually asked once Gordie was inside.

"I'm seeing Haley again" Gordie said hesitantly.

"Oh" Chris said in an attempt to sound like he didn't care.

"Man, its not like that! Yeah, she's built, and that's obviously nice. But she's also a really nice girl. I really don't understand why you dislike her so much." Gordie said in an exasperated voice.

"I don't know, she just seems kind of fake." Chris said in a shy voice.

"Why do you care so much anyways?" asked Gordie.

"Man, you're my best friend, I just don't want to see you get hurt!" Chris said like it should have been obvious.

"Well, I appreciate that you care so much, but I'm not a little kid, I can take care of myself" Gordie said comfortingly.

"I know that." replied Chris.

"I know you know." said Gordie kind of awkwardly, like he hadn't had many meaningful conversations like this.

"Okay" said Chris, who was in a similar situation.

They were both silent for a moment. Looking around like they were trying to think of something-anything to say.

"Gordie, what's wrong with me?" asked Chris in a very uncertain way.

"What do you mean man?" Gordie asked like he had just been asked the why the moon was round.

"Never mind" Chris said, having lost his nerve.

"No, what's wrong? Why would you ask me that?" Gordie asked pointedly.

"Well I was just thinking, right? And your dad like hates you for living when Denny died, and he doesn't beat you." Chris said in a very sad and confused voice.

"Naw man, its not like that" Gordie said, trying to comfort him.

"What the hell do you mean 'its not like that'! How the hell is it not like that? Mom's always just as fucked up as he is. Eyeball's never home anymore, so you can't blame it on him! And the rest of them are all younger than me and either at a friends house or hiding! And even when they're not, its always me he goes for first! What do I do that makes him so mad that he has to be drunk to be around me? And even when he is drunk he hates me so much that he has to try to beat me unconscious so that he doesn't have to deal with me. What's so wrong with me that my own father hates me? He supposed to be the one who teaches me things! He's supposed to love me more than anyone else! He's supposed to fucking protect me from all of the bad things in life! Instead, he's the one I need protection from! It's not fair! He's supposed to be the one that I'm taking the hard classes for, to make him proud of me! Instead, I'm taking them in spite of him! Why don't I deserve a Dad? Why did I get him instead?" Chris let out in a gritty voice as he roughly wiped a tear from his cheek.

"Man, its not your fault your dad's fucked up" Gordie said in a pain-filled voice.

"If it's not my fault, then why does he ALWAYS go after ME? Its not like I want him to beat the others. But there must be some reason that every time my father, who should love me, looks at me a surge of violence goes through him! Its like he sees me and automatically thinks 'oh, its that little fucker again, didn't I kill him last time? Guess I'll just have to try harder this time!' I mean would he even care if he did? Would he even notice? Would anyone in this fucking town?" Chris let out in a rush, the tears now falling unchecked.

"I would" was all Gordie could get out through the lump in his throat.

"Would you? I don't see why." Chris asked in a doubtful voice.

"Of course I would!" Gordie shouted "Just because you dad a fucking retard doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you! My dad's fucked up too, but that doesn't mean I'm a worthless piece of shit, does it?" Gordie asked.

"No." Chris said quietly but with feeling.

"Well alright then. There is nothing wrong with you, Chris. I wouldn't be best friends with a loser! And of course I would miss you! If I didn't have you then where would I go when my dads pissing me off? To Teddy's? Somehow, I cant picture him being the comforting type. And, come on, all the girls love you to death." Gordie said, trying to make him laugh.

"Yeah, the girls like me, but none of them would ever go out with me because it would piss their family off!" Chris said, not sounding all that hurt by the fact.

"Then fuck em'!" Gordie exclaimed.

"I thought I just said the they wouldn't cuzz it would piss their mom's off" laughed Chris.

"Awww, poor Chris!." said Gordie sarcastically.

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They sat in a some-what strained silence for a few minutes which seemed like hours.

"Your dad's so fucked up." said Gordie randomly.

"Your dad's fucked up too!" said Chris laughing, his eyes now completely dry.

"Whatever, fuck em' both! We've done fine without them all our life haven't we? There's no reason for us to suddenly need them now either! Gordie said enthusiastically.

"Yeah!" Chris cheered.

"Come on, lets go home." Gordie concluded.

" Yeah, okay its getting pretty late." Chris agreed.

"Yeah, I gotta be well rested for tomorrow" Gordie said pointedly

"Uck" Chris grunted, showing Gordie exactly what he thought of that.

They were starting down the ladder when Chris said:

"I still don't like that Haley girl"

"You sound like my dad talking about you!" said Gordie as he ducked Chris' hand trying to smack him.

"Shut-up you stupid fucker!" said Chris.

"I don Shut-up, I grow up…"started Gordie.

"You! Grow up?! Don't make me laugh! I'll fall." Chris interrupted.

"Hey! I wasn't done!" shouted an insulted Gordie.

"Sorry, I was just trying to save my poor ears, I mean they've had to listen to you all night already. I don't think they could have handled that gay-ass song." 

"I hope you do fall you stupid ass." Gordie replied.

"Well, I mean, come on! I haven't heard that song since I was twelve and a half!" Chris said as he hopped to the ground behind Gordie.

"Fuck off! I'm cool!" said Gordie as he tugged on his collar in what was supposed to be a 

Smooth gesture.

"Yeah, your cool! As cool as a grandma in a string bikini!" Chris came back with.

"Okay, that's disgusting!" said a shocked Gordie.

"Exactly my point!" laughed Chris.

"Fuck…you!" Gordie replied.

"Start strippin baby!" Chris said as both boys exploded with laughter.

"Is it really necessary for you to share _all_ of your disgusting little fantasies with me? I

mean, first the grandma thing and now; with the gayness! Really Chris! Some things 

Should just be kept to yourself!" Gordie said as he started running away from Chris who 

was chasing him with an evil glint in his eyes.

Once Chris, being the more athletic of the two, inevitably caught up to Gordie, he wrestled him to the ground and smeared mud all over Gordie's face. Thus, a huge mud fight broke out, resulting in both boys being completely brown.

"You suck." Gordie said, looking down at his ruined sweater and jeans.

Chris, who looked just as bad, replied with "Yeah, so do you"

"Yeah…" said Gordie calmly

"My dad's gonna kick my ass" Gordie concluded

"Eh, mine probably wont notice. That or he'll think they're supposed to look like this" Chris said lightheartedly.

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Both boys shrugged and started walking again, talking comfortably about the occurrences of the day.


	3. Saturday Night

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It's Saturday night, Gordie is on his date and Chris is laying in bed at home studying alone.

"Quare…um…where?" Chris quizzed himself then looked at the paper.

"FUCK!! Because of which thing! Why cant I get that one?" Chris said, frustrated at himself.

"fuck it!" said Chris, giving up and throwing the notebook across the room.

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He just sad there and started trying to think of something to do. After a while, his mind inevitably wandered to Gordie. He started wondering what he was doing. He got up to automatically went to call him, then he remembered the date.

"FUCK!…fuck, fuck, fuck" Chris said, swaying his head to the side with every syllable.

"I bet he's with her right now." Chris said aloud to himself, not knowing exactly why he cared.

"If he gets hurt, its his own fault" Chris told himself.

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After Chris said this, he started thinking about it and all the good things that Gordie had said about her. He began to realize that he was worrying over nothing. Gordie was not an idiot. He knew what he was doing. Haley actually seemed like a really nice girl, Chris admitted to himself. For some reason, these thoughts did not comfort him at all. The queasy feeling in his stomach only increased. 

Without warning, an image of Haley and Gordie making out popped into his mind. He _suddenly felt extremely nauseous. The feeling was so overwhelmingly strong that he almost had to get up to run to the bathroom. After a few minutes, the urge to puke lessened enough for Chris to think clearly and realize that this was NOT a normal reaction for someone to have about their best friend._

"Shouldn't he be happy for him?" Chris asked himself.

__

"I mean, he's my best friend, I should want him to be happy. And happy people have girlfriends right?"

His head shouted "yes!" and Chris knew it was right, but that strange nauseous feeling was coming back.

"What the fuck is wrong with me!?" Chris asked out loud

"I must be coming down with something. That's the only logical explanation, right? It can't have anything to do with the fact that Gordie has a girlfriend can it? I mean, why in the world would I care about that? I'm not a fag! That's for sure! That's disgusting!" Chris said.

"Right?…Of Course it is!" Chris said heatedly.

"It's just that girl! She's just so…so…ulggh! Look at this, thinking of her must get me so mad that I can't think properly! Cuzz she's such a…uggh! I mean, it would be different if he were trying to get with…with…" but as Chris sat there and thought, he couldn't think of a single person that he could picture Gordie with.

"Damn! I hate her so fucking much that I can't think of anything else!" Chris rationalized.

"It's not like I'm being irrational. I'm just being protective of my best friend. Isn't everyone? He's protective of me! Why is it so wrong for me to want to be protective back? Sure, he's protecting me from being beat and I'm protecting him from something he thinks he wants, but that's was friends are for right? To see for each other when the other is blind to the truth!" 

"Blinded by some blond bimbo! She's not even that pretty! Sure, all the guys dig her. Well one of them can have her! Gordie's too good for her! He's talented, and funny, and nice, and a good listener, and there's no reason he should have to lower himself to her level when he's got me!" Chris finished in a rush, then realized what he had just said.

"For a friend. Not when he has me for a friend." Chris quickly explained.

"Not like that! No way man! Eew!" Chris exclaimed. Yet, when a vision of him and Gordie popped into his head, there was no feeling of nausea. In fact, thinking of Gordie had always been a source of comfort.

He suddenly realized that thinking of him and Gordie together didn't make him sick. In fact, he kind of liked it… a lot.

"Oh my gosh…am I gay?"

Sorry this chapter's so short guys, but I didn't know what else to write. Don't worry though, chapter four will be up very soon! I already know what's gonna happen, I just have to find time to sit down and write it out. Come on y'all, send me reviews!!


	4. The Power of Words

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A good portion of that night Chris was kept awake worrying about how he was going to act around Gordie. He knew he could never let him find out. Nothing good could come of it, and Chris didn't think he could handle it if he lost his best friend. He was just going to have to ignore his inappropriate feelings and act as normal as possible. 

It's Sunday morning, and Chris is sitting around, not doing much of anything when the phone rings.

"Hello?" Chris answered.

"Hey Chris!" Said a cheerful Gordie.

"Oh…Hi Gordie." said a suddenly uncomfortable Chris.

"Something wrong?" asked Gordie, who had caught Chris' tone.

"Uh, no. Why?" Chris responded a little too quickly.

"You just sounded kinda weird. You're not still upset about your dad are you?" Gordie asked with concern.

"No." Chris responded shortly.

"Did he hit you again?" Gordie asked softly, a quiet fury creeping into his voice.

"Naw, man, I don't think he even came home last night." Chris said with a humorless laugh. 

"Oh…well, you sure there's nothing wrong?" Gordie decided to ask one more time.

"Naw, man, I'm fine. What did you call for?" Chris asked casually.

"Well, I was wanting to introduce Haley to all the guys. Can you be at the tree house at one-thirty?" Gordie asked a little hesitantly, knowing how Chris felt about her.

"Man…I don't know" Chris said.

"I know you think you don't like her, but she's really an amazing girl. If you got to know her, I'm sure you would like her…just give her a chance, okay?" Gordie asked hopefully.

"…I don't know Gordie" Chris repeated.

"Just come to the tree house and hang out with us. If you don't like her, I won't guilt trip you like this ever again okay? A few hours, that's all I'm asking for." Gordie reasoned.

"…I guess" Chris reluctantly agreed with a sigh.

"Thanks, see ya in an hour" Gordie said then hung up. 

"Well isn't that just fucking great!" Chris said after he hung up.

Chris promptly got a change of clothes, then went into the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.

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When Chris got to the tree house Vern, Gordie, and Haley were already there. Chris put on the biggest smile he could muster. He had decided that Gordie was going to think he like Haley if it fucking killed him (which was starting to look like a possibility).

"Hi Chris!" Haley said cheerfully as she ran up and gave him a hug. Chris was a little confused by this automatic display of affection, but realized she was probably just friendly and hugged her back, seeing Gordie give a thumbs-up from behind her back.

"Hey Haley, nice to meet you. Gordie's told me a lot about you." Chris said politely.

"Yeah, he talks about you all the time too. I've been dying to meet you." Haley said nicely.

"Isn't she an angel? I swear she should be wearing a halo." Gordie beamed.

"Hey, Haley-Halo! That rhymes!" Vern exclaimed excitedly.

Haley, Chris and Gordie all made appropriately positive responses, all trying to keep from laughing. But just then…

"No it doesn't! You fucking _retard_!" Teddy exclaimed exasperatedly as he appeared in the tree house.

"Yeah it does! Sincerely!" Vern said in defense.

"No it doesn't _you idiot_! They aren't even close, that's like saying Vern and very rhyme." Teddy came back with.

"They do!" Vern exclaimed, getting very confused

"No they fucking don't you _stupid ass_! Just shut up! You're gonna make this poor girl run out of here terrified." Teddy said 

"I hate you." Vern said and started sulking in the corner.

"There's a pity. Excuse my hysterical tears." Teddy said, running his finger under his eye as though to check for tears. "Wait a minute…wait…yeah, there's nothing there, ya know why? Cuzz I don't care." Teddy finished with a laugh.

"Excuse me for being so rude, my name is Teddy Duchamp." Teddy said, shaking Haley's hand.

Trying to be friendly, Chris leaned over and whispered "Just try to ignore them, we're still not sure who they are or where they came from".

"Hey! I heard that, asshole!" Teddy said half-seriously.

"I think I can handle it. I'm dating Gordie remember?!" Haley leaned over to whisper not-so-quietly in Chris' ear resting her hand on his thigh as she did so.

"Hey! I hear that! And to think I called you an angel!" Gordie said jokingly, not noticing where Haley's hand had been placed, much less that she wasn't removing it.

__

Chris noticed it though, along with other things over the next hour or so that Gordie was too nice and naïve to notice were going on, including the fact that _Haley was kind of leaning into Chris_. _Chris wasn't sure what to do and in the end decided to try to ignore it. If it got any worse, he would mention it to Gordie later._

"Hey, you guys wanna go get some ice cream or something?" Gordie asked Chris, Haley, and Teddy, Vern having left in a righteous huff shortly after his fight with Teddy.

"I can't, I'm supposed to get a call from my dad soon, so I gotta get home." answered Teddy.

"What about you Chris?" asked Gordie.

"Sure." Chris said, not really wanting to spend any more time with Haley, but reluctant to leave her and Gordie alone.

"You want us to walk with you Teddy?" Haley asked.

"No thanks, it's a short walk, and it's a nice chance to think" Teddy said with a wave of his hand as he started down the ladder.

"I guess its just us then" Haley said innocently as she squeezed Chris' thigh.

"Yup, just the three of us! Come on Gordo" Chris said as he jumped up and started for the ladder.

"What's with him?" Gordie asked out loud, watching his friend jump to the ground, way ahead of Haley and him.

"I have no idea. What a strange kid." Haley responded in a puzzled voice.

"Aint that the truth, but that was never a surprise. Come on, lets go"

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At the ice cream shop, Chris and Gordie are eating their ice cream. Haley still hasn't picked what she wants on her Sundae.

"So, have you changed your opinion of Haley yet" Gordie asked smugly, knowing the answer.

"Oh yeah, I definitely regret any assumptions I made about her." Chris said, shaking his head.

"I know, isn't she great! How cute was it when she put her arm through yours because she didn't want you to feel left out that we were holding hands?" Gordie gushed.

"Oh, yeah, adorable." Chris said, rolling his eyes when Gordie looked away.

"I'll be right back, if Haley gets back before I do, tell her I'm using the bathroom" Gordie said.

"Okay" Chris answered.

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A few minutes later, Haley came back.

"Hey there." Haley said friendly.

"Gordie went to the bathroom" Chris informed her.

"That's nice. So, what do you say we ditch this place and go have some?" Haley asked.

"Sure. When Gordie gets back we'll figure out what we're gonna do." Chris responded.

"Ulggh. Okay…….I think he has to be home in like an hour though!" Haley remembered.

"Oh, well that's okay, we'll see if Gordie can do something after school tomorrow." Chris said, misunderstanding.

"OR, we could do something after Gordie goes home." Haley suggested.

"…like what" Chris said hesitantly.

"We could go back to the tree house" Haley said, giving him a suggestive smile as she licked ice cream off her spoon.

"I don't know if Gordie would appreciate that." Chris said quickly.

"Why" Haley asked innocently.

"Because we would be alone…at night." Chris explained thinking it would be obvious

"So. What he doesn't know doesn't hurt him" Haley said simply.

"What!?" Chris asked, shocked.

"Lets drop the act Chris. I don't give a flying fuck about that little dork. Have you ever looked at him? EW. Don't make me gag. Its you that I like. Now lets ditch this place and go somewhere more…private." Haley said, running her hand down his arm.

"Haley! He's my best friend!" Chris was so shocked he couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Ulggh, I know" she sighed heavily "What if I break up with him? How about that?"

"Haley, you disgust me! I wouldn't date you if you were the only girl in the world!" Chris said laughing humorlessly at the irony of that statement.

"Well I'm not asking you to date me! What I'm talking about only takes one night." Haley said licking her lips. "Have I ever told you that I love your lips, they look so soft. You know, I'm sure Gordie won't be back for a couple of minutes" Haley said inching her chair closer to him.

"Hey guys, get bored without me?" Gordie asked cluelessly.

"Hi Gordie" Haley said unenthusiastically. 

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Suddenly Chris shot out of his chair.

"I'm sorry Gordie, I tried but I can only take so much." Chris said before exiting quickly.

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Chris walked home slowly, not knowing what to do. He knew he had handled the situation badly, but if he hadn't gotten out of there at that instant, he would have done something he would have regretted. It took him a while to get home, and when he did, its was dark outside and the house was blissfully quiet. He went straight to his room and laid down on his bed to think. He had come to the conclusion that Gordie was going to be severely pissed off at him. He was going to have to tell Gordie what had happened. He didn't want to, and Gordie probably wasn't going to believe him, but he had to try. He had made it perfectly clear to Haley that he didn't want her, but that didn't mean anything. She'd probably move on to Vern next, she had seen that he was weak and would be a easy target. Chris couldn't let that happen to Gordie, he was just going to have to think of something. Just then the phone rang.

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Chris walked down the hall and picked the phone up slowly, knowing it was Gordie.

"Hello?" Chris said cautiously.

"What the FUCK is your problem?! I knew you didn't like her, but _DAMN_! Did you have to be so bitchy about it? Everything was perfectly fine! You told me you would give her a fair chance! You guys were getting along fine, if you were so miserable at having to be around her, then why did you come to get ice cream? Why didn't you say you had to go home? Was it _absolutely necessary _to be such a complete and total_ ASSHOLE!?!_" Gordie fumed.

"It wasn't like that, Gordie. I tried, I swear I did!" Chris tried to explain.

"Oh, you did, did you? And what was it about her that was so completely fucking horrible? How nice she was? How friendly she was to you? Or was it that she actually liked me? You know, just because you're pissed off because nobody will date you cuzz you dad's fucked up, that doesn't give you the right to try to fuck up my relationships!" Gordie shouted.

"You wanna know why I left? Do you? Do you really wanna know?" Chris asked.

"No you fucking dumass, I asked you in the hopes that you would ignore me again like you apparently did this morning on the phone. Yes I wanna asshole!" Gordie said sarcastically.

"I left because she was hitting on me the whole time! There! You happy now!! You know why the fuck I left" Chris said, now just as mad as Gordie.

"I FUCKING HATE YOU!" Gordie said with so much feeling that a shiver of dread ran up Chris' spine.

"You are the most selfish bastard I have ever known in my entire life! And that's including my dad! Your alone, so you'll do whatever it takes to make sure that I have absolutely nothing to be happy about either!" Gordie screamed.

"Gordie…" Chris started, scared to hear what Gordie's next sentence would be.

"NO! You just shut the fuck up and listen for once. You don't have to worry about being burdened by me ever again. I'll NEVER ask you to do anything for me ever again." Gordie said darkly.

"Gordie…" Chris tried again.

"You know, all these years, I stood up for you, thinking you were my best friend in the world. I was an outcast with you because I told them all that they were wrong about you, that you were the most amazing person in the world, and it was their loss, not yours…but now…I see that everyone was right about you. You're nothing but the youngest Chambers boy, just like the rest of them." said Gordie.

"Gordie, don't hang up!" Chris heard the dial tone and stared at the phone in dismay, a single tear running down his cheek.

"What the fuck is wrong with you boy? Crying like a damn girl!" shouted his drunk father who had just walked in the house.

"Where the fuck is that worthless piece of shit?" His father slurred.

Chris, not knowing who he was talking about, and not really caring, simply shrugged.

"Don't pull that attitude with me boy!" His father said then smacked him across the face, knocking Chris to the ground.

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Chris lay on the floor with his eyes closed and blocked his father's cruel words out,the same words repeating themselves over and over in his head: everyone was right about you; just like the rest of them.

__

His father finally gave up on him and left again, and Chris slowly and lifelessly walked down the hall and crawled into bed fully clothed.

This chap was a tearjerker, I know. Please review! 


	5. School

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The alarm went off and Gordie grabbed his head in pain. He had a terrible headache. He reached for the alarm and shut it off, then tentatively opened his eyes, which he noticed were almost sealed together with sleep. Why did he have such a bad headache? He was sitting there picking the sleep out of his eyes when he remembered the fight he had had with Chris the night before and crying himself to sleep that night. Slowly the fog in his brain started to clear and he remembered why he had fought with Chris, as well as what had been said by both during the fight. Thought you were my friend…I fucking hate you…they were all right…just like the rest. _Gordie felt the anger bubbling up inside his stomach again. What was Chris' problem? Why did he think he had the right to decide who Gordie got to date? And what was with the way he tried to say that Haley had been hitting on him? How conceited could a guy get? Was it really that hard for Chris to imagine a girl liking Gordie more than him? Gordie knew he wasn't exactly gorgeous, but Chris was supposed to be the one who told him that girls looked for more than that. Instead, he was telling him that there was no fucking way that a girl would actually like him. That was probably what hurt the most, that his best friend in the world thought so little of him that he couldn't imagine someone being attracted to him! So much for being best friends, Gordie didn't need a friend like that. Whatever! Haley did like Gordie! Fuck Chris! He could learn his fucking Latin by himself. Gordie didn't need him for shit!_

With these wonderful and encouraging thoughts, Gordie got up and went to school.

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Gordie was walking down the hall to his locker when he saw Haley. He immediately went up to her gently pushed her up against a locker and kissed her long and hard.

"What was that for?" a surprised Haley asked a little breathlessly.

"Just for being you gorgeous. Did you miss me?" Gordie asked a little to smoothly as he leaned against the locker.

"You bet I did." Haley said, raising her eyebrows as she ran a finger down his chest. Liking this new Gordie.

"What do you say we…do something after school?" Gordie asked suggestively.

"Depends on how you define something." Haley said, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

"I think you know" Gordie suggested.

"Why don't you tell me. Just to clear up any misunderstandings" Haley said as she leaned into Gordie, who's hand was now on her waist.

__

Gordie leaned down a little to whisper something inaudible in her ear.

"Gordie! Aren't you a naughty boy!" Haley exclaimed excitedly.

"Don't you know it" Gordie responded.

"Well I guess I'll just have to think of a way to punish you." Haley said, running her hand down his arm. She looked over his shoulder at Chris, who had been there the entire time and, seeing his hurt expression and thinking it was for her, grabbed Gordie head and kissed him fiercely. When she came up for air, Chris was gone. She sighed heavily.

"I know, those kisses just take your breath away don't they?" Gordie asked a little smugly.

"Oh yeah…completely." Haley said, rolling her eyes.

"Well listen, I have to get to class okay? I'll see you at lunch baby." Gordie said then left.

"Yeah, see ya" Haley said, wiping her mouth as she walked away in search of Vern.

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__

Chris sat on the floor in one of the bathroom stalls with his knees pulled close to his body. For a minute there he had really thought he was going to throw up. Seeing Gordie kissing Haley and flirting with her had been like salt in a fresh wound. It was the final confirmation that he needed. Gordie would never act like that with him. Not that it mattered, he would probably never talk to him again. The thought made Chris want to scream. He wouldn't survive without Gordie. Chris wasn't stupid, he knew he could never be with Gordie the way he wanted to, but he had never imagined the possibility of not having his friendship. The thought made Chris feel frantic. What would he do? He and Gordie had never fought before. What do you do when the one person you count on to make you laugh is the one making you cry? Chris heard the warning bell ring and fought for composure. He ran his fingers through his hair, left the stall, went to a sink, washed his face, dried it, and was about to leave when he saw Gordie in the mirror staring at him from behind. 

"Gordie" Chris chocked out.

__

Gordie looked at him for another minute or so, torn between comforting his friend and punching him. He settled for giving him a dirty look and leaving.

"Gordie! Come back!" Chris shouted to the closing door, almost glad he didn't listen. What would he say?

__

Chris walked into class and saw two empty seats, one next to Gordie, and one across the room. Chris didn't know what to do, part of him wanted to sit next to Gordie because it hoped they could try to work something out. The other, more sensible part, wanted to avoid the pain of rejection again and sit in the other seat. Chris ended up sitting in the seat across the room. The "bravery" he had with his father disappeared around Gordie. As soon as he sat down though, he regretted his decision. Now he could sit and stare at Gordie the whole class without his being aware of it. Talk about torture.

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Chris was miserable all day. He couldn't think of anything but that look Gordie had given him in he mirror. He decided that he would try to talk to Gordie at lunch. But when he got there, Gordie was surrounded by Haley's friends, looking very uncomfortable, obviously forfeiting an enjoyable lunch in order to avoid Chris. Well he wasn't going to make it easy for him. 

"Hey Gordie, can I talk to you?" Chris asked

Gordie simply pretended that he didn't hear him.

"What did you say honey? This lunchroom's really noisy, but what can you expect? There are a lot of obnoxious people at this school." Gordie said to Haley.

"I said that I'm gonna go to the bathroom, okay?" Haley answered.

__

When she left Chris sat down in the her vacant seat, oblivious to the reactions of all the girls around him.

"Gordie, I'm not leaving until you talk to me, and I think you would prefer we have this conversation while Haley's not here, so to make it easier on everyone involved and come on" Chris insisted.

"Don't know why I'm surprised. This is just like you. You see something you want, and you take it, doesn't matter how it will affect anyone else, they don't matter do they? Well, come on Chamber, lets go." Gordie said as he got up and walked a little away from everyone else.

"Gordie, I want you to know that I never meant to hurt you" Chris began.

"Fuck you" Gordie responded in a ironically sweet voice.

"No, sincerely, Gordo! I was telling the truth!" Chris said as he laid his hand on Gordie's shoulder.

"Don't fucking touch me!" Gordie said, looking at Chris like he was some disgusting bug.

"I just didn't want to see you get hurt Gordie. You're my best friend, I was just trying to watch out for you." Chris said as his hand was shaken of violently by Gordie.

"Well don't do my any more favors okay? Apparently _she's_ not the one I need protection from. I know its impossible to imagine someone being attracted to someone as disgusting as me, but she is, so just leave us alone." Gordie said harshly, glaring at Chris.

"Gordie, I'm sorry!" Chris shouted desperately as Gordie walked away.

"Go away! Don't look at me like that. I have faith in you, I'm sure someone as amazingly irresistible as you can find something to do." Gordie said sarcastically.

"Gordie" Chris repeated weakly as Gordie turned around.

"Hey, if you get bored, you can always steal something!" Gordie said, not even bothering to turn around.

__

Chris stood in that spot in shock staring into space until the bell dismissing lunch rang, wondering if Gordie was ever going to forgive him. 


	6. Realizations

__

Gordie heard the bell dismissing lunch and decided to go to the restroom before he went to class. Chris was in his fifth period and he didn't want him to see that he was still upset. On his way he saw a couple making out and remembered his date with Haley after school and cheered up. Once he has used the bathroom, Gordie washed his hands and told himself again that he hated Chris, but then he remembered his face that morning, his cheek had looked a little bruised, not to mention the fact that he had obviously been crying, something Chris did not do. He wondered if his dad had hit him again, then told himself he didn't care and headed to class. On his way to class he saw the couple again and was wondering if they would ever come up for air when they separated. The girl started walking his way and suddenly Gordie realized who it was.

"Haley!" Gordie shouted, shocked.

"What baby?" She asked, not realizing what he had seen.

"What do you mean what? You were just kissing another guy! A lot!" he exclaimed.

"Oh, so you saw?" she asked casually.

"Who was it?" he asked angrily.

"Who oh him?" she asked pointing over her shoulder, she shrugged.

"YOU DON'T KNOW? You didn't even know him?" he asked incredulously.

"Not really, I think his name might have been…Mark or something?" she guessed calmly.

"You didn't even know the guy?!" he shouted again.

"We have already clarified that I didn't know the guy. But wasn't he cute?" she raised her eyebrows and giggled.

"What the FUCK Haley!" he exclaimed.

"If I had realized you were this uptight I never would have dated you! Even someone as hot as Chris isn't worth this!" Haley said exasperatedly.

"WHAT!!!!!" Gordie screamed.

"Oh honey, you didn't think I actually _liked_ you, did you? No offense but I mean, _come on_. I'm a little bit out of you league. I was gonna break it off with you today, since Chris wasn't interested. But I thought your righteous little act this morning was cute so I decided it might be entertaining to see what you would do for a couple of days, but I guess we'll just end it now, it's all the same to me." she said.

"You were planning when you were gonna break up with me while we were kissing?" Gordie asked incredulously.

"Oh don't look at me like that. I mean, look at it this way, after that little performance, I was planning on going out with you for a couple more days, and this time it would have been because of you! You should be flattered! I mean, that was really cute this morning… really it was!" Haley said rubbing salt in the wound. 

"It was also a great way to make Chris jealous" she muttered under her breath.

"Chris? What does he have to do with that?" Gordie asked, not understanding.

"Didn't you see him standing there? I thought he was the inspiration for the whole episode" she said, a little confused herself now.

"What's that supposed to mean!" Gordie asked defensively.

"Just that I thought he had told you that I had hit on him and you were trying to prove to him that I liked you, not him. What did you think I meant?" She looked at him like he was strange.

"Well, obviously I didn't know, or I wouldn't have asked." Gordie said.

"Look kid, this has been real entertaining, but I have better things to do" she started walking away.

"Like what?!?! Screwing my best friend!!" Gordie shouted to her back.

"Oh. So you guys are still friends? That wasn't the impression I got. Oh, and to answer your question, that would be a no. I don't date guys who cry." with a shiver, she turned around and walked away.

__

Gordie stared at her retreating back until it disappeared from his view.

"Fuck!!" he exclaimed.

__

Gordie sat there for a few minutes just thinking about how much he hated her. She was the biggest bitch he had ever met. The girl he had just talked to had been cruel, condescending, skanky, and just plain old mean. What had he see in her in the first place? "big boobs and a nice butt_" Chris' voiced popped into his head. Chris. He had warned him. He had told him not to go out with her. And what had he done? Shoved his caring in his face. Oh my gosh. Chris was going to hate him. He was going to absolutely hate him. And Gordie didn't blame him, he had been a complete and total ass! Gordie ran his hand through his hair and headed to class trying to decide what to do. _

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When Gordie got to class, the first thing he saw was Chris sitting there in his seat, which happened to have no free seats around it. _This is going to be harder than I thought._ Gordie thought to himself as he sat down in a seat a few rows away from Chris and tried to figure out what he was going to do. Suddenly his words from last night popped into his head_…I fucking hate you…they were all right…just like the rest_. _Oh my gosh_. Gordie thought, feeling sick. _I didn't mean it! I didn't mean it! Chris will know that…right? Oh my gosh. What am I going to do? He's gonna hate me! _He decided to try to get his attention to let him know that he was sorry. It was Chris! He couldn't stay mad! Gordie was positive that he would at least hear him out. He balled up a piece of paper and waited until Mrs. Datson turned away and threw it at Chris' head. Chris, thinking Gordie was doing it out of anger, simply made a sad face, bowed his head, turned his face away.

__

Fuck! Gordie thought _Just gave him another reason to hate me. Well aint that just dandy!_


	7. Apologies

__

All of fifth period Chris kept hearing Gordie whispering to him. He was glad he couldn't tell what he was saying, he didn't think he could handle an hour of hearing how much Gordie hated him. He couldn't believe Gordie had thrown something at him! He had never thought Gordie was the immature type, he must really be mad. Chris sighed and slumped a little further in his chair as he heard Gordie whisper his name again. He looked at the clock, ten more minutes, that's all that was left in class, ten more minutes. Chris was sitting there doodling in his notebook when the bell finally rang. He saw Gordie getting out of his seat to come towards him. He quickly got out of his seat and hurried out of the room, grateful that Gordie wasn't in any more of his classes. He trudged through the last two classes, not even enjoying history, his favorite class.

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Chris headed for his locker after school, unfortunately, he didn't have much homework, there would be nothing to keep his mind off Gordie. He turned the corner and saw Gordie leaning against his locker waiting for him. Chris stopped dead in his tracks, wanting to run the other way without looking back. He took a deep breath to brace himself then continued. He couldn't avoid it any longer.

"Chris! I wasn't sure if you'd be coming by your locker, I thought maybe you had already gone home or something." Gordie said when he saw Chris.

"Hi Gordie" Chris said in a guarded voice.

"Hi" Gordie said inadequately. 

"So…" Chris said, opening his locker.

"So…um…Chris?" Gordie asked unsurely.

"Yeah?" asked Chris, who was now looking at Gordie hopefully.

"I'm sorry. I know I've been a jerk, and I'm sorry. I just wanted you to know that." Gordie said, starting to walk away.

"Gordie!" Chris shouted, giving Gordie a look that meant to encourage him to continue.

"Look, you were right okay? I should have known better. You tried to tell me, and I was to stubborn to listen. I also should have known you would never lie to me." Gordie said, giving Chris a half-smile.

"What happened?" Chris asked.

"You mean you're not mad?" Gordie asked.

"Of course I'm not mad. I never was, I was just worried about you. I'm sorry she hurt you." Chris said sympathetically.

"Eh, don't worry about it. I don't think it was really her that I liked so much as the idea of someone liking me. It was the first time someone had really acted like they were attracted to more than my brain. Turns out it wasn't me at all, it was you, and I was just a step on her way to another guy." Gordie said sadly.

"Hey don't diss that brain. I'm quite fond of it. And people like lots of other things about you. This whole Haley thing had nothing to do with you. She probably didn't treat you any different than she does any of her other victims." Chris said with a laugh.

"Yeah…Hey, I want you to know that I didn't mean any of that stuff I said before. I was just mad…I've been a real asshole huh?" Gordie said guiltily.

"Yeah, you have. But I know you didn't mean any of it. To tell the truth, its kind of nice to know you have a backbone!" Chris joked, ducking Gordie's hand.

"Ha Ha Chambers. Real funny!" Gordie said laughlessly. 

__

They stood there for a minute not really saying anything, then suddenly, Gordie hugged Chris. Chris immediately stiffened up but hugged Gordie back anyways, hoping he wouldn't notice. Gordie, who did notice, pulled back and looked at Chris sadly.

"Seriously, I didn't mean any of it, I swear. And I am sorry. I was a total ass and I was mad and said what I knew would piss you off. You're nothing like your brothers; you're smart, nice, funny, hardworking and _honest_. I could _never_ hate you, you're my best friend. If I hated you, I wouldn't have cared when I thought you thought I wasn't good enough for a girl to like me. I didn't mean it, I swear." Gordie said, misunderstanding Chris' reaction to the hug.

"Pinky swear?" Chris asked.

"Fuck off Chambers." said a surprised Gordie.

"I was just confused. I thought maybe, since you sang that gay-ass song the other day you still did that too." Chris laughed, proud of how well he had switched the subject from the hug.

"Oh, you're just full of jokes today, aren't you Chris?" Gordie said, rolling his eyes.

"You know you love me!" Chris said with a wide grin.

"Oh yeah, like a leech on my balls!" Gordie exclaimed.

"Gordie! I don't even know what to say! That is disgusting!" Chris shouted, shocked.

"Why does thinking of my balls get you so worked up Chris? Is there something you need to tell me?" Gordie asked, bursting out in laughter.

"Gordie! You're disgusting man! I'm leaving before this conversation gets any scarier!" Chris said starting to walk away.

"Sure! That's your excuse, but I see that bathroom you're heading for!" Gordie shouted to Chris' back.

"I'm not even dignifying that with an answer, Lachance!" Chris shouted over his shoulder.

"Because you don't wanna lie! Cuzz you're _honest_!" Gordie said jokingly.

"Again, I'm not responding" Chris said as he turned the corner.

"You just did!" Gordie laughed.

"Smartass." Chris said under his breath, shaking his head.

__

As Chris started walking home he thought about the fact that this was the worst fight he and Gordie had ever had and it had lasted a day. He really was lucky.

Gordie walked down the hall, shaking his head in wonder. Chris hadn't been mad at him for a minute. How many people could get yelled at like that and told that they were a worthless piece of shit and only be concerned that their friend was mad at them? Gordie knew in that moment that he was incredibly lucky, sure his dad sucked, but Chris more than made up for him.


	8. Reality Bites

__

Gordie and Chris are on the phone.

"I can't believe you made that leech comment in front of all those people!" Chris remembered laughing.

"Since when have I cared what people thought of me! I mean, I'm friends with you aren't I ? And besides, I had to get you back for that granny comment!" Gordie exclaimed, breathless with laughter.

"No, but see the difference is, mine was funny, yours was just scary! I never needed to remember that…ever!" Chris said, trying to sound serious but failing miserably.

"Hey, I'm the one it happened to! I'm the one who should be disturbed!" Gordie said indignantly.

"Yeah, but you got a blissful moment of freedom from Teddy and Vern when you passed out! _I never knew nobody who fainted before! Maybe he made a bad mistake and looked at your face." Chris remembered._

"They said that?" asked a once-again-breathless Gordie.

"Yeah, they really crack me up sometimes. It's like they live in their own little world…hey hold on a minute okay?" Chris said as he heard the door slam. He put the phone down on the table cautiously. 

"What are you doing little fucker? Its already………" his dad tried to read his watch but shortly gave up.

"Shut the fuck up! It doesn't matter what time it is! Shouldn't you be doing your homework or something. Isn't it time for little babies to be in bed?" His father slurred.

"It's only 8:30, and I already finished my homework, sir." Chris said respectively, not wanting to get in a fight with Gordie on the phone.

"Don't use that tone with me boy! You stupid little fucker! You think you're a hotshot because you're in smart classes, but your still nothing but a worthless little bug to me! I guess I'll just have to squash you!" his dad bellowed as he punched Chris in the stomach, knocking the wind out of him. 

"Come on, you little pussy! Get up and take it like a man!" his dad screamed at the top of his lungs.

__

When Chris didn't get up, his dad grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and punched him across the face. Chris didn't even react, he closed his eyes and Gordie's face came to his mind. Him and Gordie were gonna get out of here. Just a couple more years and he and Gordie were gonna leave and never come back and he would never have to see his dad again. When Chris didn't react his dad began shaking him to get a response out of him. Chris could feel it but he just thought to himself, 'two more years, two more years and I'm out of here' over and over. His dad slapped him around a little more, but when Chris didn't respond his dad eventually lost interest, threw him against the wall and walked away. Chris just laid there for a few minutes thinking about how much he hated his dad. After a few minutes he remembered that he had been on the phone. He went to the desk and picked up the phone, doubting anyone would be there.

"Hello" Chris said cautiously.

"If you're not here in ten minutes, I'm coming to get you" Gordie said, his voice trembling with rage.

"Gordie, I'm fine…this happens all the time!" Chris said.

" Nine" Gordie said before he hung up, cutting off all arguments.

Chris quickly got some clothes togetherwent out the door, there was no way he was going to let Gordie see his dad. Tonight it would be too much. He didn't think he could handle pity. Not from Gordie. But still, he was secretly glad for the escape. 

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When Chris got to Gordie's house, he was already heading down his sidewalk. Chris, not thinking Gordie would actually be watching the clock, burst out laughing.

"Chris, there is absolutely nothing funny about this situation!" Gordie said incredulously.

"Its just that…I…didn't think you would actually be sitting there timing the ten minutes!" Chris exclaimed.

"Why the hell not?" Gordie asked "Didn't I sound serious to you?"

"Well, yeah, its just that…aw come on, you know it's funny!" Chris said breathlessly.

"No…I don't" Gordie said seriously.

"Aw, forget you." Chris said with a wave of his hand.

"And to think I was worried about you! I'm more upset by this than you are!" Gordie said jokingly, catching that right now Chris needed to laugh.

"That's because you're a pussy freaking out about everything." Chris said.

"I am not! You stupid ass!" Gordie exclaimed.

"I rest my case" Chris said.

"Oh, why don't you fuck off Chambers!" Chris exclaimed.

"Only in those fantasies of yours" Chris responded.

"No, you must be thinking of someone else, like, oh, I don't know, maybe you?" Gordie said, raising and eyebrow.

"You're such a retard." Chris said.

__

They talked for a couple of hours about nothing in particular. Chris was quiet for a couple of minute and Gordie noticed the he had a distracted look on his face, like a thought had just occurred to him. 

"What you thinking so hard about?" Gordie asked.

"Nothing…so, what do you wanna do?" Chris asked.

"I don't know, it's pretty late, why don't we go to sleep?" Gordie suggested.

"Naw, come on, that's pussy. Let's think of something to do." Chris insisted.

"Man, it's getting on towards midnight, we've got to get up soon." Gordie reasoned.

"But I'm not tired at all man" Chris complained.

"Then lay there and stare at the ceiling, I don't care what you do, but I'm going to bed." Gordie stated.

"Man, you really suck" Chris said

"Sorry about that, night" Gordie said as he crawled into bed.

"Where am I supposed to sleep?" Chris asked uncomfortably.

"What the fuck? Where do you always sleep? Come on!" Gordie said as he patted the bed next to him.

"Man, I don't know" Chris said uncomfortably.

"Why the fuck not? I mean, I know I'm fat, but I think we can both still fit if we scrunch in" Gordie said sarcastically.

"Ha Ha" was all Chris said.

"Chris, you have my word of honor that I won't grope you in your sleep, okay? And when you inevitably have a weak moment and can't resist my sexy body any more, I'll pretend like I don't know, okay? Now can we please go to bed?" Gordie said sarcastically.

"Your so funny." Chris said shortly.

"I know. Can you get the light?" Gordie asked as he turned over and promptly fell asleep.

__

Chris slowly went and closed the door and turned off the light, trying to postpone the inevitable as long as possible. Finally he had to slide into bed next to Gordie. He slammed his eyes closed and tried desperately to make his brain shut up. This night was going to be hell.


	9. Hate

__

Gordie woke up and looked at the alarm clock, noticing that it was an hour later than he normally woke up. He was ready to panic when he remembered that Chris had spent the night, he turned his head to yell at him to wake up and immediately saw Chris' open eyes staring back at him.

"Were you ever gonna wake me up? You stupid fuck!" Gordie asked, jumping out of bed and looking for some pants.

"Why? What time is it?" Chris asked dumbfounded.

"It's 7:00, you idiot!" Gordie said in an exasperated way.

"Then why are you freaking out? School doesn't start until 8:00" Chris pointed out.

"Yeah, but I usually eat breakfast downstairs." Gordie said in a calmer voice, realizing he was over reacting.

"Not today, you don't" Chris responded, looking everywhere but at Gordie as he looked for his own shirt.

"Holy shit Chris! Why didn't you tell me! I mean, obviously, I always kind of knew, how could I not? But I never imagined it was this bad! I wish you would have told me." Gordie said suddenly.

__

Chris felt his heart stop and his throat constrict painfully. Oh my gosh, Gordie knew! This was it. Chris looked away from Gordie, not wanting to see Gordie trying to hide his disgust but failing miserably.

"How much does it hurt?" Gordie asked tentatively.

"What?!" Chris asked, wondering why in the world Gordie would think it hurt.

"Your stomach, does it hurt?" Gordie specified, not understanding why Chris wouldn't understand, what else would he be talking about?

"Oh my stomach!" Chris exclaimed with a relieved sigh, looking down at his once again black and blue stomach. 

"Not too much, I've had worse." Chris said calmly.

__

Suddenly Gordie threw himself onto his bed and sat against the wall, staring off into space. His whole body was rigid and his chin was quivering in suppressed anger.

"Gordie?" Chris asked

"I hate him Chris, I _fucking hate him_." Gordie said with feeling, his whole body beginning to shake now.

"Yeah, so do I" Chris said, trying to lighten the mood, like he always did when this subject came up.

"I mean it Chris. I'd kill him if I could. Just thinking about the things I know he does to you and I just wanna…and then I see your stomach and…ahhhh!!" Gordie finished, too angry to put his feelings into words.

"I know you hate him Gordie" Chris said as he came and sat next to him on the bed.

"But its really not that bad, Gordie! It could be so much worse…at least he doesn't do anything like…sexual, you know." Chris said a bit awkwardly.

__

Gordie's head snapped to look at Chris, like the thought had never occurred to him before. His lips were compressed into a small line and his eyes contained a fire that would have scared Chris if it had been anybody else. 

"Swear he doesn't?" Gordie said in a voice quivering with rage.

"Gordie…"Chris said as though the very idea was ridiculous.

"SWEAR!" Gordie demanded.

"I swear, okay, I swear! He's never laid a hand on me, not in that way." Chris said, looking Gordie directly in the eye so that there was no doubt he was telling the truth.

"It's a damn good thing, Chris, cuzz if he had…I'd fucking shoot him." Gordie said, a shiver of rage running up his spine.

"Gordie!" Chris said, appalled.

"I would, I'd fucking shoot him, and I wouldn't regret it either. I don't care if I spent fifty years in jail for it, I wouldn't ever regret it. I hate him. I've never even fucking met the guy, and I wish he'd die." Gordie said, shaking his head back and forth.

"No you wouldn't. I wouldn't let you. That stupid fucker isn't worth it. You wanna know why?" Chris asked.

"Why" Gordie asked skeptically.

"Because, in a few years, I'm outta here, after high school, if I don't get into college, I'll go work at a fucking fast food restaurant if I have to." Chris said, remembering the visions he had had last night of him and Gordie, but not having the courage to voice them aloud.

"What are you talking about?" Gordie asked in a hurt voice.

"Well, obviously, I'd like to go to college, but there's no guarantee that it will happen for me." Chris said realistically.

"No man, I mean, I always thought that we would get an apartment together or something. Or at the very least keep in touch." Gordie said. 

"Well of course I was including you, I was just talking about how I'd pay my half of the rent." Chris said.

"Well you won't have to worry about that, because we're both gonna get into college and live in the dorms." Gordie said excitedly.

"Yeah man, the only job we'll have will be for spending money." Chris said, going with the flow.

"And then, when we finish, we'll leave and never see this piss-ass town again!" Gordie finished off.

"Yeah, we'll have a hell of a time, won't we?!" Chris exclaimed.

"You bet we will." Gordie said, all traces of sadness and fury gone from his voice.

"Holy Shit! We gotta get to school man!" Chris said, jumping off the bed.

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Chris and Gordie were late to first period, causing them to have a half-hour of detention after school. Other than that, the day was pretty uneventful. They weren't even upset about the detention, they figured they would just pass notes back and forth the whole time. They were walking down the hall on their way to detention, talking about how funny it was that the teacher thought she was punishing them by keeping them late, when neither of them were very excited about going home, when someone down the hall spotted them.

"Hey, look guys, it's that Chamber fuck up and his faggot life partner! Did you hear about their lover's spat in the lunchroom yesterday? If I'm not mistaken, it was their first fight! How sweet! Does anyone have a tissue?" The boy asked sniffing.

"Not on me man! I used my last one this morning when I saw them walk into school together this morning, obviously having made up. Isn't true love sweet?" Another boy said.

"But I'm sure you could ask one of them, I mean, don't fags always have stuff like that?" A girl put in from beneath the first boy's arm.

__

The three of them walked away, laughing so hard that they had tears in their eyes.

"Man, fuck them! They're just assholes! They make fun of everyone! They think they're so cool, but in reality, no one can stand them but the other two!" Gordie said, noticing the look on Chris' face. He really didn't understand why he was upset, they never got made fun of, so it was obviously just that those guys were assholes.

"Oh, I know! Like I give a fuck what they think anyways! When have I ever cared what other people think? Come on, it's me! I wasn't even listening to what they were saying, I tuned them out ages ago, I was just thinking about that history test. I don't have a fucking clue what Mr. Saunders was talking about!" Chris covered quickly.

"Actually, I paid attention for once, bring it over tonight and I'll help you with it. But you have to help me with math, I'll never understand that matrix shit!" Gordie said.

"Okay, and we've really got to work on that science project too. It's due like Tuesday!" Chris remembered.

"What! Holy shit!" Looks like we're pullin another all-nighter, cuzz there's no way I'm wastin my whole weekend on that shit." Gordie responded.

"Okay" Chris said, thinking that after staying up all night last night maybe he'd be so exhausted by the time they went to bed that he'd actually sleep.

__

Chris suddenly started thinking about the trio that had called them gay. He really didn't give a fuck what they thought. And everything Gordie had said about them was true. But it proved what he had already known…no one could ever know. If that was how they acted when they didn't think there was any way they were actually gay, imagine how bad it would be if they found out the truth. Chris shivered involuntarily. He could handle it, he was used to being hated, but Gordie, Gordie wouldn't be able to handle it. And he'd never have to, Chris decided.


	10. Confessing

__

Chris and Gordie have been working on their homework and science project all night, it is about five-thirty in the morning.

"No, Chris, its nuclei." Gordie explained in a tired voice.

"Man, I can't think, I'm too tired." Chris complained.

"You don't know this stuff when you're wide awake, Chris." Gordie joked, but was too tired to laugh at his joke.

"Man, seriously, lets go to bed, I'm exhausted!" Chris said as he laid his head down on the carpet.

"No, we've got to stay up! We haven't gotten nearly enough done." Gordie tried to convince Chris.

"But I'm tired Gordie, and we won't get anything done if we're exhausted!" Chris said with a yawn.

"One more hour, okay? You'll get you're second wind in a few minutes anyways." Gordie bargained.

"Fine" Chris said reluctantly.

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Chris was lying on the carpet next to the poster thinking. Gordie was right, he had gotten his second wind only minutes after Gordie had convinced him to stay up…although it hadn't really taken much persuasion on Gordie's part. Chris always ended up listening to him, it seemed stupid to upset Gordie over such a small thing. Not that he'd stay mad long, Gordie never did, he was Gordie. This got Chris thinking about something else…If he told Gordie how he felt, it wouldn't be that bad. No, he wouldn't suddenly declare his love for Chris, duh, but he wouldn't stay mad too long, because he was Gordie. Gordie would never stop being his friend. He'd undoubtedly be upset, but he'd be nice about it and he'd tell Chris he would always be his friend, and then they would go about things like normal. Yeah, he was going to tell Gordie right now, get it off his chest.

"Um…Gordie" Chris said uncertainly.

"Come one, just a few more minutes!" Gordie begged.

"No, its not that, I don't care if we stay up, I'm not even tired anymore" Chris said.

"Well then what?" Gordie asked, looking up from the poster and giving Chris his full attention. 

__

Chris loved that about Gordie, he could always tell when something was important.

"Well…you see…" Chris said.

"What is it Chris? You can tell me." Gordie encouraged.

"Well um…I don't know how to say this, so I'm just gonna say it okay? I've been having these…feelings, so to say…" Chris felt his mouth go dry.

"What kind of feelings Chris?…is it your dad?" Gordie asked, that fire coming back to his eyes at the thought.

"No!…no. You see…well…I think I'm gay Gordie." Chris finally got out. He sat up, preparing himself for the worst.

"What? I don't think I understand." Gordie said with an extremely confused look on his face.

"Well…I kind of …sort of…think I might…have feelings...maybe…for you?" Chris said, looking anywhere but at Gordie, knowing he'd understand.

"Chris?" 

"I'm sorry Gordie" Chris said quietly, he had been wrong, he shouldn't have told him…he had ruined everything.

"Chris?" Gordie said a little louder.

"Ha Ha! I got you! I was just playin man, that's sick. I had you goin there for a minute there!" Chris said laughing nervously.

"CHRIS?" 

"Gordie would you please say something other than…"

__

Chris was suddenly shaken awake.

"Chris! Chris!" Gordie said, still shaking him.

"I'm awake!" Chris said to stop him.

"Man, if you were that tired I would have let you go to sleep, I'm not some ogre!" Gordie said with a laugh.

"Sorry man, I thought I'd be okay" Chris said, trying to laugh.

"Well, come on, lets put this stuff up so we can go to bed." Gordie said, rolling up the poster.

"Alright" Chris said, and for the next several minutes, the put up their books and picked up scrap of paper and put them in the trash can.

"Lets go brush our teeth." Gordie said.

"I didn't bring my toothbrush." Chris replied, shrugging.

"You can use mine" Gordie said casually.

"Okay" Chris said, this being a normal occurrence for them.

When they got to the bathroom, Gordie asked if he wanted to go first.

"Hell yeah, I do. I don't know what kind of shit was in that Haley girl's mouth!" Chris said mock seriously.

"That makes perfect sense Chris, seeing as how I use my toothbrush every single day" Gordie said, giving Chris a sad look. "I tried to get him help, but he didn't respond to the medicine. They work through brain waves, which, sadly, require a brain." Gordie said to the mirror.

"Fuck off Lachance!" Chris said with a mouth full toothpastey spit, which he promptly spit at Gordie's face and all over his shirt.

"Aww! That's fucking disgusting Chis! Aww, nasty!" Gordie said, wiping his mouth off "I just got your spit all in my mouth! Ew! You might as well have kissed me! Aww nasty!" Gordie said as he pulled off his shirt.

"What, did I get some on my chest?" Gordie asked, looking down, having caught Chris looking.

"Naw, your good" Chris said casually, raising his eyebrows at his reflection as he stepped back to let Gordie have the sink.

After Gordie had washed his face and brushed his teeth he said, "You know, you really are disgusting, Chambers".

"Yeah, but you still love me." Chris said with a wide grin.

Gordie sighed, "They still haven't figured out which part of my brain is missing".

"That's cuzz all of them are!" Chris said pleasantly.

"Kiss my ass Chambers." Gordie said as he took his pants off and got into bed.

__

Chris suddenly realized Gordie was planning on sleeping in his boxers, so much for being tired. Oh well, it was really late, he'd probably fall asleep pretty quick anyways. Chris walked over to the wall and switched the light off and walked over to the bed and crawled in.

"Hey Chris, wanna hear something funny?" Gordie asked.

"What?" Chris wanted to know.

"You talk in your sleep!" Gordie said, thinking this was funny.

"What?" Chris asked, wondering where this was coming from.

"Yeah, I never noticed it before, I guess. But just now, you did, you said my name, and then you said some other stuff. Hush for a minute, if I think real hard I'll figure it out. My brain's all fuzzy right now…oh yeah, you said something about how something was gay or something…maybe you were dreaming about those asses today at school? But…no that doesn't seem right…it's coming to me…just hold on another minute…Chris?" Gordie asked as Chris suddenly bolted up.

.

__

Chris quickly yanked his pants on as Gordie stared at him confused. He shoved the rest of his stuff in his bag unceremoniously and bolted out the door without a word, regardless of the look on Gordie's face and the fact that he had said his name multiple times.

Gordie jumped up and pulled on the first pair of pants he found, which happened to be a pair of Chris' that he had left in his rush, taking a pair of Gordie's instead. They were therefore to big for Gordie, but he didn't have time to care, he ran after Chris, holding up the pants at the waist as he went. By the time he got to the door, Chris was already half-way down the street, and Gordie knew there was no way he'd ever catch up to him.

"Chris!…_Chris!…_CHRIS!…_CHRIS!…**CHRIS!!**_" Gordie tried over and over to no avail.

He eventually gave up and decided to call him first thing in the morning. _He went back to his room and sat down on the bed, thoroughly confused now. What in the world was Chris' problem? They had been perfectly fine! Gordie began going through the night's events, trying to figure out what had upset Chris so badly. Lets see. After he had woken Chris up and told him they could go to bed, they had cleaned up the mess and then gone to brush their teeth. No problem there. Well, when they were brushing their teeth they had teased each other some, but Chris had definitely thrown his fair of punches. If anyone were to be mad about that, it would be Gordie! He was the one who had been spit at! After that they had gone to bed. What in the world could have upset Chris? When they got to bed all they had talked about was how he had talked in his sleep. What was upsetting about that? Was he embarrassed somehow? Why would he be embarrassed? Maybe it was what the dream was about. Maybe he had said something embarrassing, like the name of some girl he liked or something. Gordie began to try twice as hard as he had before to remember what he had said. Suddenly, it came to him…_

"Holy Fuck!" 


	11. A Confrontation

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Gordie just sat there in silence, too shocked for words. So Chris was gay…wow. How weird! Even though Gordie was eaten up with worry about his friend, he was almost glad Chris had left…he needed time to think about this before he talked to Chris about it. Chris…gay? Gordie felt like his whole world had been turned upside-down. Chris was still his favorite person in the entire world. Nothing could ever change that. But it was weird, Gordie admitted to himself guiltily. It would be different if he was just gay, that would be okay. He would tease Chris for a now and then but make sure he knew it made no difference to him. But he wasn't just gay. Chris had a crush on…him! It still had no effect on his opinion of Chris, but it made it weirder, how would he act around him? He couldn't just act like the problem didn't exist, he knew that much. No, he had to confront Chris in some way. It would be hard and awkward, but he wasn't going to lose Chris' friendship over this…he would just have to nicely explain to Chris that he didn't feel that way about him but that he didn't want it to affect their friendship. Because, despite how weird and confusing this whole situation, that much he knew. Gordie sat for several more minutes, trying to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided that he wasn't going to get any thinking done here, he needed to get some air, clear his head. He decided to go to the tree house.

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When Chris had left, he had been so frantic that he hadn't even thought about the time…there was no way he could have gone home. So he had gone to the only place he felt welcome other than with Gordie…the tree house. He was no longer frantic, now he was simply terrified. He sat in silence, thinking about what had just happened. Okay, Gordie knew he was gay…at least he didn't have to keep a secret from Gordie anymore! Chris thought, trying to convince himself. Who was he kidding? Gordie was gonna freak out! Who wouldn't? He sure had! Chris just hoped this didn't completely ruin their friendship. He didn't even want to think about that! But as Chris sat there, he realized that that wasn't going to happen, it was almost as though now that it had happened, Chris could see the situation clearer. Gordie wouldn't let their friendship die! Not Gordie. Their friendship was to important to both of them for it to ever die. It would just be really awkward for a while. Chris guessed he could handle that, as long as he knew that everything would eventually work itself out. He didn't even consider the possibility that something more than friendship would evolve from this. Chris was gay, not stupid. Suddenly, the trap door flung open. Chris jumped back defensively, wondering if maybe a homeless person had taken to sleeping there or something. He was looking for something to throw at the guy when he realized who it was. Gordie!? No! Not yet! He wasn't ready to face him yet!…maybe he could hide! But Chris didn't have time to do much of anything before Gordie looked up and saw him.

"Chris?" Gordie said in a surprised voice.

"Yeah…it's me" Chris said reluctantly, considering his chances of escape, then realizing that there was no way Gordie would let him get past him again.

"Hey" Gordie said a bit awkwardly. For a split second, he considered going right back down the ladder, but quickly decided against it, he didn't want Chris to get the wrong idea. He decided now was as good a time as any, even if it was a bit soon for his taste. 

"Hi Gordo…so, I guess we need to talk, huh?" Chris said sadly.

"Yeah, Chris, I think we do." Gordie said, sitting down near the trap door and signaling for Chris to do similarly.

"So…" Chris said nervously, sitting down as far away from Gordie as possible in the small tree house.

"First off, lets make sure we're talking about the same thing, so neither of us gets embarrassed. Chris…are you gay?" Gordie asked evenly.

"…um…well…I guess…technically…" Chris said, looking at the ground.

"Chris, look at me. You can tell me. You can _always _tell me. You should have known that from the beginning." Gordie said, looking Chris in the eye.

"Well……yeah, Gordie, I think I am." Chris said.

"Well…first off, I want you to know that the only part of this that upsets me is that I had to find out this way, I would have liked to think that you knew you could come to me. But I guess this was just to big. Or maybe you just weren't comfortable talking to me about it. And that's okay. I just want you to know that in the future, don't hesitate, okay?" Gordie waited for Chris to nod, then continued "Chris, this doesn't change my opinion of you at all, okay. You're my best friend, and _nothing_ could ever change that. I'd be lying if I didn't say that this kind of threw me for a loop. But you're still Chris. And I'm still Gordie" Gordie said the last part looking right at Chris, making sure he understood. "Now…here comes the hard part. Chris?" Gordie said, noticing that he had broken eye contact again. He sat there in silence until Chris looked at him again. Gordie hated seeing the pain and hated even more that he was about to add to it, but eventually continued anyways. "Chris… I have to be honest here, I don't return your feelings, I'm sorry. You don't know how much I wish I did…sincerely. But I don't. Please don't let this affect our friendship. I can't be with you the way you want me to, but I can promise that I'll be considerate of your feelings." Gordie finished lamely.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked, finally speaking.

"I mean that I'll make sure not to make out with girls in front of you. I can't say that I won't have girlfriends, and I'd like for you to meet them, but I won't rub your face in it, ya know?" Gordie said, feeling terrible about this whole thing.

"I appreciate that…and I would wanna meet any girls you met…I'm still your best friend Gordie" Chris said, just wanting this to be over.

"Ditto. First and foremost, I'm still your best friend, Chris Chambers" Gordie said with the best smile he could muster.

"Yup, you'll never get rid of me, Gordie Lachance." Chris said with a half smile.

__

Gordie got up and grabbed Chris' collar, pulling him into a hug. Chris wrapped his arms around his best friend and closed his eyes, surrounded in sadness. 


	12. The Blinding Truth

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Saturday, neither Chris nor Gordie did much of anything but sleep, seeing as how they didn't get home until after 9:00 a.m.. Chris, not surprisingly, dreamed mostly of Gordie. Gordie, on the other hand was confused to realize when he woke up late Saturday afternoon that his dreams had focused on him and Chris too. However, he quickly came to the conclusion that he still felt guilty about having to turn him down. He spent most of the day wondering what it was going to be like the next time he saw him.

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The next time they saw each other ended up being Monday at school. When Gordie saw Chris coming down the hall, he was nervous at first, wondering what they were going to do, and decided to take the chicken way out.

"Hey Chris! How was your weekend?" Gordie asked casually.

"Oh you know this and that, pretty uneventful" Chris said with a laugh.

__

This was about how the whole day went, both boys acting like that weekend hadn't happened. Too the naked eye, it would appear that nothing had changed between the two boys. But in reality, they were both extremely nervous, thinking about all of their actions in a way they never had with each other before. Gordie was being careful not to say anything hurtful or that might remind Chris of last night. Chris, on the other hand, double-checked not only the things he said, but how he said them, along with how he sat, how he ate, how he walked…you name it, and Chris was probably making sure he didn't do it to "gaily". He also made sure not to touch Gordie too much, afraid it would make him uncomfortable. Gordie, noticing this change in Chris' behavior, who was usually very big on touching, started wracking his brain for anything he might have said to offend or embarrass Chris. As hard as both boys tried, their friendship was nothing like it used to be.

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That night, Gordie's dreams yet again focused on Chris. He would have used the same reasoning and said it was just a side effect of the happenings of the day, only, these dreams had been a bit different. They were a bit more…personal…shall we say? It's not like they had sex or anything like that! But there was definitely a…gay undercurrent to them. Gordie's first reaction was to be shocked and appalled, but as he sat there, he realized that he had never really considered the possibility, he had simply dismissed the idea as disgusting. But as he sat there, he was anything but disgusted. In fact, it began to make sense. Think about it, what were relationships about? Trust…caring…obviously, you had to care about the person and like them…being comfortable around the person…being able to talk to them…wanting to spend time with them. If someone was lucky enough to find all of those traits and more in one person, and they were already their best friend, should he not be with them because they were the same sex? As Gordie sat there and thought about this, he slowly realized how deep his feelings for Chris were. And he'd told him at great length that he didn't want to be with him and never would. Fuck! Should he just not say anything to Chris? Maybe both their feelings would go away with time. But Gordie immediately realized he didn't like this idea…it made absolutely no sense, he realized. And besides, hadn't he been hurt when Chris hadn't said anything to him, and that was with Chris "knowing" Gordie was straight. It wouldn't be fair of him to not tell him. Besides, neither would be happy with the outcome if he didn't tell him. He would tell Chris as soon as they were alone and the timing was right. With these comforting thoughts, Gordie went back to sleep. For the first time fully enjoying his dreams.

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The next day Gordie woke up fully refreshed and ready for the next day. He got dressed and practically skipped to school, feeling completely at ease.

"Hey there Chris! Have any good dreams last night?" Gordie asked when he saw Chris. For the first time in days not being afraid of saying the wrong thing to his best friend.

"Not really…I did have one where I was a spider though." Chris said as they walked down the hall.

__

He had immediately noticed the change in Gordie and figured he had finally really accepted that Chris was gay and decided he didn't care. Chris felt a huge weight being lifted from his chest at the realization that he finally had his friend back. Everything was gonna be okay, Chris thought as he walked down he hall, exchanging playful banter with Gordie, his heart feeling lighter than it had in a long time.

_They talked more easily than they had in days, confirming Gordie's decision to tell Chris. Everything was gonna be perfect._


	13. Teasing and Misunderstanding

__

Gordie was standing right outside the school building talking to a girl named Caroline that he had just met. She was about two inches shorter than him, had long wavy blonde hair, blue eyes, and the most adorable laugh he had ever heard in his life. He wondered what him and Chris had made on that science project…hopefully it would be good, Chris needed the good grade. Just then he saw the object of his thoughts walking toward him.

"Chris! Over here!" Gordie shouted to get Chris' attention.

"Hi Gordie" Chris said, sounding a bit uncomfortable. 

__

Suddenly, Gordie got an idea…he was planning on telling Chris today, why not see how he would react to Gordie's 'straightness'.

"This here is Caroline. Caroline, this is my friend Chris" Gordie said, putting his arm around Caroline's waist.

Chris forced his lips into what Gordie would have sworn was a genuine smile if he hadn't been able to see his eyes. "Hey Caroline" Chris said, shaking her hand.

"Nice to meet you, Chris" Caroline said with a girlish giggle. Chris had to bite the inside of his cheek not to roll his eyes.

__

Just then the warning bell for first period rang.

"Well, Caroline, it was nice to meet you. See ya around" Gordie said, giving her a quick, casual hug and noticing Chris' expression.

"Okay…Bye Chris, see ya later" Caroline said giggling again as she walked away.

"See ya" Chris said with a tight, ironic smile.

"So, what did you think of Carrie?" Gordie asked, watching Chris closely.

"She's…nice." Chris said, trying to sound sincere.

"Isn't she? She's got the cutest laugh in the world doesn't she? She real hot too. And friendly. Didn't you think? I think I'm gonna ask her out for this weekend" Gordie said, having no intention of doing so.

"That's…nice" Chris said, his lips compressed into a thin line. "I gotta go the other way" Chris said a bit too casually.

__

Gordie just smiled to himself and walked on.

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In gym Mr. Hurst said that they were going to an activity about trust. They were supposed to pair up and take turns a few feet away from their partner and falling into their arms. Chris and Gordie automatically migrated toward each other and got started.

"You wanna go first or me?" Gordie asked Chris.

"Well you weigh less, so it would probably be a good idea to have you go first till we have a better idea what we're doing" Chris responded.

"What? You don't trust me?" Gordie asked innocently.

"Not one bit right now" Chris responded smartly.

"That hurts Chris, right here" Gordie said thumping his chest.

"Sorry your boob hurts, now lets get started already" Chris said with a laugh.

"Fine, I see how it is" Gordie said getting in front of Chris. He looked over his shoulder, "You better not drop me, shitheap"

"Somehow, I think I'll be able to hold up your fatass self for a few seconds, but just because I'm so amazingly strong." Chris said sarcastically, putting his arms out to catch Gordie.

"Ha fucking ha, Chris" Gordie said, not laughing.

__

Gordie let himself fall back. He felt himself fall for a few seconds, then suddenly felt himself jerked to a halt and pushed into an upright position. Chris had caught him…again.

"See! It was hard, but somehow I handled it." Chris said with a smile as they switched places.

"Shut the fuck up" was Gordie's only response.

__

After Chris had turned around, Gordie took a few steps forward and when Chris fell backward, he purposely let them both gall to the ground. As they fell, Chris thought quick enough to turn himself around so that he could take part of his weight on his hands and not completely crush Gordie.

"Well Hi there" said Gordie, who's hands had 'landed' on Chris' back. Instead of pulling his hands off, he casually let them slide off. Gordie did not miss the fact that Chris immediately jumped up and put out a hand to help Gordie up. Gordie calmly put his hand in Chris' and pulled himself up.

"Sorry about that, Chris. I guess I just hadn't braced myself yet" Gordie said, sounding completely innocent.

"Whatever Lachance, you suck" Chris said.

"Here, let me try again. I promise I won't drop you." Gordie said, taking his place behind Chris.

"I don't think so Einstein" Chris said, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Seriously man, I won't drop you!" Gordie said indignantly.

"Fine. But if you drop me, I'm gonna kick your ass." Chris said turning around "I'm turning around now. I'm gonna fall now. Okay? Brace yourself…I'm falling" Chris said then promptly fell. This time Gordie caught Chris with absolutely no problem. 

"See? I told ya." Gordie said smugly.

"Yeah" Chris said, confused.

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Chris was totally confused by the end of the day. First this morning, with Caroline. Then in gym, with the falling and the sliding of hands. Then, last but not least, at lunch, the way Gordie had acted, accidentally bumping shoulders with him, accidentally running his bare foot which he had slipped out of its sandal down Chris' calf when he went to put it on the bar of the table that Chris had already been using as a footrest. Not to mention how close he had been walking to Chris in the halls. Gordie was definitely not very good at this whole, being sympathetic of your gay friend, thing. Chris had no idea how he was going to deal with this every day for the rest of the year.

"Chris!" Chris heard Gordie call.

"Hey Gordo" Chris responded, turning around to face him.

"Do you think you could meet me at the treehouse a couple hours after school? Like, 5:00?" Gordie asked.

"Why so late?" Chris wanted to know.

"…to give me time to get my homework." Gordie responded.

"Okay, well, yeah, that should be cool" Chris said, nodding.

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Gordie sat in the treehouse a few hours later, waiting for Chris to show up. He had been so happy and confident all day, but now that it came down to punch time, he was nervous as hell. He knew it made no sense for him to be, he knew Chris liked him, but he couldn't help it. His mind kept playing different scenarios of what would happen, none of them were good. What if he didn't believe him? What if he laughed in his face? What if he got mad at him for the way he had acted today? Fuck. That had been really stupid. Gordie considered leaving and making up some excuse for not showing up…he could say that he hadn't been able to get out of the house because his dad had been being an ass. Yeah, that would work!……………no…he couldn't do that, he wasn't going to play with Chris' emotions, he had been enough of an ass as it was, Chris had been honest, he owed him the same trust. Just then the choice was taken away, Chris' popped through the trap door.

"Hey Gordo" Chris said, sitting down in a seat a little ways away from Gordie.

"Hi" Gordie said, looking at Chris, having made a decision, he picked up the seat right next to Chris and moved it right in front of him and sat down.

"What's up, Gordie? What did you wanna meet for?" Chris asked, not understanding what a pivotal point this was for Gordie.

"I wanted to tell you something" was all Gordie said.

"What?" Chris asked.

"How about that science project? An A! That's awesome ain't it? We work great together, don't we?" Gordie asked, stalling.

"Yeah, I really needed that grade, but it had nothing to do with me…it was all you Gordo" Chris said.

"Whatever, you're just as smart as me, we're just good at different things" Gordie said defensively.

"Yeah, which works out fine for me, whatever I don't understand, you do." Chris said with a smile "But I know that's not what you wanted to meet about, we could have had this conversation on the phone."

"Yeah" Gordie said with a laugh "You're right, that's not why I asked you to meet me…" Gordie came to a halt, losing his nerve.

"Well? You planning on telling me what this is about shitface?" Chris asked, giving Gordie an odd look.

"Well, you see…last night I was thinking…" Gordie said slowly.

"Good Gordie, so you finally figured out what that gray peanut in your head is for? I knew you'd figure it out eventually, if I was just persistent." Chris said laughing.

"Go screw! I was trying to be serious here." Gordie said, punching Chris in the shoulder lightly.

"You're so abusive Gordie" Chris said, rubbing his shoulder like it hurt.

"I know, I should be locked away" Gordie said, rolling his eyes, getting back to the subject.

"So what were you saying?" Chris asked 

"What?…oh…well, I was thinking last night" Gordie asked again.

I think we've established that." Chris said with a smile.

"Smartass…well, I was sitting there last night, and I think…maybe…I like you" Gordie said, looking away.

"That's good, I was wondering. I wike you too Gowdie, cuzz we'we fwends." Chris said in a babyish voice, completely not understanding what Gordie was trying to say.

"No…I mean…I _like _you. As in, the way you like me." Gordie said lamely.

"You trying to tell me you have a man-crush on me Lachance?" Chris asked, raising his eyebrows.

"Well…yeah, to put it bluntly." Gordie said, not liking Chris' expression.

"Wow" Chris said simply.

"I know man…" Gordie said with a smile.

"Wow…I mean, I always knew you were a good friend, but I guess I never thought you would do something this big. Wow. I really appreciate that you would do something this big for me, but I'll be fine…really." Chris said, misunderstanding.

"What are you talking about?" Gordie said, completely confused.

"Gordie, stop it, seriously. I appreciate that you're such a good friend that you would do something like this because you want me to be happy. But it's not necessary, really." Chris said, putting a hand on Gordie's shoulder.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Gordie asked, starting to understand what Chris was trying to say.

"That you were willing to try to be with me…wow. You're amazing do you know that?" Chris said, shaking his head.

"What the _FUCK_ are you talking about?" Gordie asked, starting to get mad and shooting out of his chair. Chris thought this some kind of pity thing!? What the fuck?

"Gordie, seriously, it's fine." Chris said.

"WHAT…THE…FUCK!?!? You think this is some kind of pity thing? That I'm just making this up because I feel bad for you? Chris! You should know me better than that." Gordie said in a hurt yet angry voice.

"Okay, Gordie, that's enough. It was a nice thought, and almost kind of cute at first, but this is just cruel. Stop bullshitting me man, it's not cool. I was handling this whole thing just fine! This whole false hope thing is just wrong! It's wrong, and its mean, and I thought you were better than that" Chris said, getting up to leave. He was seriously upset now.

"I am better than that man! What the fuck kind of asshole do you think I am that I would do something like that. Why would I do something that I knew could only hurt you more? You're my best friend you asshole!" Gordie shouted.

"Maybe you would do it because you thought you were helping me?! Well I don't want your fucking sacrifice!" Chris shouted back…why was it necessary for him to rip his heart out twice? Once wasn't enough?

"SACRIFICE!! What the fuck Chris?! I never lie to you, why would I start with something this big?" Gordie asked, not understanding Chris' reasoning.

"Maybe _because_ it's so big? Maybe because you can't stand to see me unhappy, and being the person you are, hate that you're causing it. You figure maybe you'll adjust to the idea, as long as I'm not in pain. Well this hurts worse than not being with you ever did. I don't want your sacrifice, dude, sincerely. I would never take away your happiness like that. And besides, I wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't seriously want to be with me" Chris finished in a quiet voice, looking down at the ground.

__

Gordie, not knowing what to say, just looked at Chris in a sad, silent kind of way. Chris stood there, very uncomfortable, wishing Gordie would say something…anything. Suddenly Chris felt Gordie grab the back of his head. Gordie gently, but firmly placed his lips on Chris'. He tried to put all the feelings he had been having over the past twenty-four hours into the kiss. Chris was so shocked he hardly reacted at all. After a second or two, Gordie pulled back, a smile on his lips.

"Did that feel like someone who doesn't seriously want to be with you?" Gordie asked "Cuzz if it did, then I must be doing something wrong" Gordie said with a chuckle.

__

Chris just stood there. Gordie had just kissed him. Holy fuck! Gordie had just kissed him! Chris felt like his world had just been turned upside-down. For a second he considered pinching himself to see if he was dreaming, but decided against it…if that kiss was any kind of reference, he was most definitely awake…and if he wasn't, he didn't want to wake up. And then something occurred to him…Gordie had just kissed him…and he hadn't reacted at all! Chris looked up at Gordie and saw that he was trying to be funny, but was feeling very awkward. Chris almost laughed out loud with pure joy.

"No Gordie, there was definitely nothing wrong with that" Chris finally said.

Gordie just kind of laughed a little awkwardly.

"…well…maybe there was one thing wrong with it." Chris said as an afterthought.

"And what would that be, Chambers?" Gordie said, getting his confidence back.

"This" Chris said as he pulled Gordie in for a real kiss. 


	14. Jealousy

__

After a few minutes, when Gordie and Chris finally stopped kissing, the awkwardness set in. They both stood there and stared at each other uncomfortably, neither knowing what to say or do. Chris was the first to break the silence…

"So…" Chris said in a failed attempt to sound casual.

"So…" Gordie echoed.

"Yeah…" Chris said, rocking back on his heels.

"Yeah…" Gordie said, raising his eyebrows and looking around.

"Yup…" Chris said, starting to feel really stupid.

Gordie was the one to get a hold of himself and say a multi-syllable sentence… 

"So…when did you realize you were in love with me Chambers?" Gordie said, having recovered from his embarrassment.

"The fact that I despised all your girlfriends before I even met them was a pretty good hint." Chris said, glad the awkward moment was gone.

"It was only a matter of time" Gordie said in a falsely smug voice.

"How about you Lachance? What made you realize you couldn't resist my sexy body anymore?" Chris asked.

"Well, the dreams kind of made me start to suspect" Gordie said laughing.

"Dreams?…_really_…well that's interesting" Chris said, raising one eyebrow.

"No! They weren't like _that_…not that I don't think of you like that!…Not that I've been lusting after or something…not that I don't have reason to!……fuck…" Gordie suddenly noticed Chris' smirk and realized he was teasing him. "You are such an ass" 

"I won't tell if you don't tell" Chris said in a semi-distracted voice.

"I don't have to tell anyone…they all already know" Gordie said sarcastically.

"You suck Gordie…I hate you" Chris said, throwing a ball at him.

"No you don't" Gordie said confidently.

"Sure I do" Chris responded.

"Well then I'll just leave since you've decided you suddenly hate me" Gordie said in a fakely hurt voice, getting up like he was going to leave.

"Shut the fuck up Lachance and get back here" Chris said not at all upset.

"Oh, but remember? You hate me!" Gordie said, smiling.

"Your so funny Lachance…really you are, I'll laugh in a minute…wait for it…it's coming…here it comes…ha" Chris said, rolling his eyes.

"I'm being serious, you stupid fucker!" Gordie said in an outraged voice, holding back his laughter.

"Sure you are" Chris said in a bored voice as he stood up and stretched, yawning.

"I am!"

"Shut-up! For goodness sakes! The moment is officially over…it has been announced dead and the funeral is next week…it will not be missed" Chris said, smiling at his own joke.

"You're mean…you know that?" Gordie asked casually.

"Yeah? And?" Chris asked, raising his eyebrows like this was no new thing.

"And…I don't think I should associate with people as negative as you!" Gordie exclaimed.

"And the cycle starts again! Lets just jump to the end: shut up; moment over; dead; funeral next week; not missed. Now shut-up already and sit down" Chris said, sitting back down.

"Did you just tell me to shut up? _again?_" Gordie said, acting like this was the most offending thing he had ever heard of.

"Shut…the…fuck…up." Chris said, leaning back in his chair and putting his hands over his eyes like he was going to fall asleep any second. He lifted his head a fraction and parted his fingers, peeking through them "You know, Lachance, there's no rule that says just because you've come out of the closet you have to become the most flaming fag in the world." Chris laid his head back and covered his eyes again, smiling into his hands.

"Now that was just wrong…I can't believe you just said that to me…you're really abusive, do you know that?" Gordie asked, pretending to be offended. 

"Oh my gosh!" Chris said, jumping out of his seat "Seriously Gordie…Shut-up"

"Make me" Gordie said, sticking his tongue out childishly.

"Okay" Chris said simply, walking over to Gordie and kissing him hard on the lips, effectively silencing him.

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__

The next day at school Gordie was there before Chris again. When Chris got there, excited and more than a little nervous about the first day of school after "getting together", he saw that Gordie was talking to some girl again. He felt bitter jealousy spread through his body as he walked toward them. He knew it was irrational and tried to act as normal as possible. 

"Oh hey Chris." Gordie said casually as he whispered something in her ear that made her giggle. 

__

Chris hated damn giggly girls.

"Really?" she asked Gordie. "Not bad, not bad at all" she said, raising her eyebrows in Gordie's direction, her arm resting in the crook of his. 

__

Chris felt the strong urge to push her away, but resisted it with effort.

The girl put her hand on Gordie's shoulder and pushed up onto her tippy-toes and whispered something softly in his ear. Gordie chuckled a little and leaned forward to whisper a response in her ear. Chris felt his blood surge and decided that if she didn't remove that damn hand in about a half of a second, he would not be responsible for his actions. Luckily, she simply giggled again and bent down to get her book bag.

"I'll talk to you later Gordie" the girl said with a giggle and a lift of her brow "Bye Chris" with that, she promptly left.

Gordie sighed happily, shaking his head "She sure is something" 

"Yeah, she's something all right" Chris said bitterly.

"What?" Gordie asked.

"Nothing" Chris said insincerely.

"Okay……………. Wow, what an amazing girl…and to think, we haven't even known each other very long" Gordie said partially to himself.

"Yeah, Gordie, you might want to keep in mind" Chris said meaningfully.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Gordie asked.

"She just seems kind of loose to me" Chris said bluntly.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Gordie asked, confused.

"Don't play dumb with me…I saw the way she was all over you" Chris said harshly.

"Chris Chambers…are you…jealous?" Gordie asked incredulously, secretly kind of pleased at the thought…it was nice to have someone care enough to be jealous over him.

"Are you kidding? Jealous?! Over you? In your dreams! Give me a break! You've got to be kidding!" Chris said. _Fuck yeah, I'm jealous!_

"You are!" Gordie said, shocked, Chris? Jealous about him? Gordie felt a little bit giddy.

"I am not! You're full of shit!" Chris said with feeling.

"Yes you are! Oh my gosh Chris, I can't believe you're jealous! That's awesome!" Gordie said enthusiastically, enjoying himself immensely.

"How is it awesome? You enjoy torturing me? You really suck." Chris said.

"So you admit you were jealous?" Gordie asked smugly.

"Fuck yeah, I was jealous, she was all over you! What was all that about anyways?" Chris asked not-so-casually.

"Oh, I was just fucking with you yesterday, I'm really still straight" Gordie said sarcastically.

"Fuck off…no seriously though." Chris said.

"Chris, she suspected I was gay because, apparently, I was a bit obvious yesterday or something. Personally don't have any idea what she's talking about" Gordie said innocently. "Anyways, so she was cool enough to just come up and ask me if I was, she told me if I was, then it was cool with her and she wouldn't tell anyone, so I told her. Her name's Bridgett, and I met her a couple months ago. That's why she already knew who you were." Gordie explained.

"Then why all the whispering?" Chris asked.

Gordie sighed, the jealousy having officially lost its cuteness. "Here we go…my first whisper was me telling her that you were Chris and that you were the guy I had told her I was with. Her whisper was her asking me if you were supposed to know that she knew. My second whisper was me telling her that I would tell you later, which I just did. Satisfied?" Gordie asked good-naturedly.

"I guess" Chris said, still not liking the way she had been touching Gordie so much. 


	15. The Plan That Backfired

Authors Note: Yup, that's right, I'm gonna start doin this at the beginning of my chapters. Y'all, I know the storyline is kind of slow right now, but bear with me…it's about to get _good_! Also, thanks to Emily, Stacey, SophIe8,Tienah, JeNiFeRrRr,bella1878, J, Didi, Rachel, Lena, Mellody, and Jillian for reviewing. I appreciate it. And a special thanks to Rachel, that was really nice of you to say!!! Thanks y'all. Keep reading and I'll keep writing!!!

Gordie and Chris are talking on the phone.

"That was so funny! You were so jealous, I thought your head was gonna explode!" Gordie said, chuckling.

"Man, fuck off! You're just so smooth Lachance, I remember the look on your face when I came into the treehouse yesterday. I thought you were gonna shit a brick." Chris said, obviously thinking his reference was funnier.

"Oh! We're going into that now, are we? Let's talk about how you handled the situation, shall we? I mean, at least I didn't get up and run out the door! Pussy!" Gordie laughed.

"You suck. That was just wrong, Gordo." Chris said in a defensive voice.

"Can I help it if I enjoy a good comedy? If only I had had some popcorn." Gordie said wistfully.

"I was funny? _I_ was funny? Do you have any idea how ridiculous you looked hopping around in my pants? Forget popcorn, I needed a camera." Chris said, bursting out in laughter.

"Well, I realized how desperate you were to get in my pants, so I thought I'd do you a favor and just jump into yours." Gordie said, his eyes watering from laughing so hard.

"But alas, you will never be man enough to fill my pants" Chris said, his sides starting to hurt.

"Manly…fat, same thing, right?" Gordie said sarcastically.

"Just cuzz I don't look like a fucking alien, doesn't mean I'm fat, dumbass" Chris said, barely getting the last bit out.

"Chris, you fucking suck" was all Gordie said.

"But isn't that a good thing?" Chris was now laughing so hard that he dropped the phone. He bent over and picked it up. "Sorry bout that, I dropped you" 

"What? But I didn't feel anything!" Gordie said, knowing perfectly well what Chris meant.

"Smartass" Chris said, finally getting a-hold of himself.

"Yup. And since I'm so smart, I'm gonna get off the phone now and do my homework." Gordie said, unable to manage more than a chuckle.

"Good, I can only handle you in small doses, Gord" Chris said, wiping the last of the moisture off his cheeks.

"Yeah, but soon you'll be addicted" Gordie said in a playfully confident way.

"Ha, you're funny…wait a minute while I laugh…oh sorry, there's nothing there…wait a minute…yeah, nothing…could be cuzz you SUCK!" Chris said in a bored voice.

"Oooh…" Gordie said, shivering.

"What?" Chris asked curiously.

"I just had a thought…man, you can't afford to get addicted to me…that stuff eats brain cells" Gordie said in a worried voice.

"Ha" Chris said, getting to hang up…this conversation officially sucked.

"No, seriously…I mean, just imagine what it would do to someone who didn't have any? Would it like eat your balls or something?" Gordie asked sincerely.

"I don't think we have to worry about it. Its impossible to get addicted to something you don't want." Chris said smartly.

"Fuck off" Gordie replied.

"Screw you" Chris came back with.

"Bye" 

"Bye"

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__

That night, Chris got an idea. In order to execute it, he went to bed early so that he could wake up early and get to school earlier than Gordie and find a suitable girl. The next morning, he took time to think about his appearance. He picked a pair of blue jeans that were so new that were only faded around the crotch. Then, not wanting to be too obvious, he picked a white tee-shirt, but got one that was a little tight on him. He got to school and started looking for a girl. He decided on one that was known to be loose, but other than that was a really nice girl. He started talking to her and was real friendly to her. By the time Gordie got to school and saw them, she was all over Chris.

When Gordie walked into school, thinking about the jokes he and Chris had made last night, they were the first thing he saw. Some slut was standing next to Chris, that's using the word "standing" loosely. She was leaning one hip against the lockers, and was leaning her whole body into his. She also had her hands all over Chris, she kept running one through his short hair, and the other she would either run lightly up and down his arm, or rub his side with. She had a very friendly smile on her face, and she kept messing with her hair and licking her lips. Her eyes were sparkling with invitation, and she was jutting her large breasts out so far that they were almost rubbing up against him. Chris just kind of stood there, not really returning any of it or giving her any encouragement, but not trying to stop her either. Gordie felt his heart speed up and his breath start coming in short shallow breaths. His eyes narrowed, and he started walking faster, having every intention of showing that slut exactly what he thought of her…he had the feeling her and Haley would get along very well. He suddenly stopped about two feet short of his destination, realizing something…Chris was trying to make him jealous! He was upset about yesterday and thought it would be funny to turn the tables on him. Gordie almost laughed aloud. Amateur. Shouldn't have tried it the very next day…way to obvious. Then Gordie got an idea…heh heh heh. This was gonna be good.

"I just love your hair Chris! Its so thick and soft" the girl said, running her hand through it again.

Gordie felt his blood surge, but withheld the impulse to hit her.

"How can you tell?" Gordie asked from behind Chris with a friendly laugh.

"Oh, hi Gordie" Chris said, not turning around.

Gordie laughed inwardly _he's trying so hard_, he thought to himself.

"Gordie, is it? Well, Hi there, Gordie, I'm Angela; Angel for short." the girl said, shaking his hand over Chris' shoulder, causing her chest to bump his.

"Hi, Angel. How do you know Chris?" Gordie asked casually, not missing the annoyed look on Chris' face.

"Oh, we just met actually. But I have a feeling we're going to be…very…good friends" Angel said, looking into Chris' eyes and rubbing up and down his side.

"Oh, I'm sure you will, Chris is very easy to get along with." Gordie said cheerfully, smiling at a very pissed off looking Chris.

"Yeah, Angel's real friendly too, aren't you, honey?" Chris asked, putting his arm around her waist and leaning his body toward her like she was to him.

"Oh, babe, you think this is friendly, you just wait" Angel said just loud enough for Gordie to hear.

Gordie bit his lip, he was really reaching the end of his patience with this girl. "Wow, Chris, where did you find this one? Seems like she's one in a million. You guys are already getting along so well!" 

"You bet we do" Angel said as she ran her hand down Chris' chest and played with his belt buckle, raising her eyebrows suggestively. Chris searched Gordie's face for any kind of reaction.

__

Gordie felt bile rise in his throat, and his head was throbbing with suppressed anger, but his expression remained cheerful and friendly.

__

Chris gave Angel a very suggestive look and then bent down to whisper something in her ear, raising his eyebrows meaningfully when he pulled back. Gordie's hands clenched into fists involuntarily…he shoved them into his pockets. Angel removed her hand from Chris' belt and slipped her hand up his tight shirt, standing up on tip-toes to whisper back into Chris' ear. Chris looked over to Gordie's face and saw that he was cracking his back and yawning, a huge smile on his face. Chris was severely pissed off now, he roughly grabbed Angel's hands and jerked them off him, grabbed up his book bag, and started down the hall without a backward glance. Angel shrugged, looked at Gordie consideringly, decided against it, and walked in the opposite direction. Gordie, breathing a sigh of relief that he wasn't going to have to hurt anybody, headed after Chris. 

"Hey Chris" Gordie said once he caught up to him.

"Hi" Chris said darkly, attempting to sound casual, but failing miserably.

"What's wrong" Gordie asked, sounding truly clueless.

"Nothing" Chris said, unable to keep the sarcasm completely out of his voice.

"Don't 'nothing' me! I'm not an idiot, and furthermore, I'm your best friend, I know when you're upset." Gordie said sincerely.

"Oh, how fucking wonderful of you! I'm so lucky to have you!" Chris said bitingly.

"Ouch. That was harsh" Gordie said, stopping to look at Chris, who stopped with him.

"Oh boo fucking hoo" Chris said bitterly.

"Fine, you don't wanna talk about it, fine" Gordie said, starting to leave.

Chris, never one to be able to take people being mad at him, called out "Gordie!"

"What?" Gordie asked with a guarded look on his face.

Chris, wanting to take that guarded look out of Gordie's eyes, decided to be honest. "Why didn't you care?" Chris asked, crossing his arms over his chest.

"About what?" Gordie asked, not even thinking about that stupid ass thing a few minutes ago.

"You don't even remember?" Chris asked, hurt "Why didn't you care that she was all over me?" Chris asked.

"Because I trust you Chris" Gordie said.

"I know that, and I'm glad, but that doesn't change the fact that she was all over me and you didn't care at all…you didn't even notice man. I trust you with my life…and I know you would NEVER cheat on me, but I still went crazy when I thought someone was flirting with you. Why don't you react that way over me? It's not like I want you to become insanely possessive or anything like that, but it would be nice if you cared." Chris said, looking at the floor.

"Chris?" Gordie said tentatively.

"Yeah?" Chris said, looking up.

"You wanna know something?" Gordie asked.

"What?" Chris asked, wondering what he could possible want to tell him right now.

"If you guys had kept it up about one more second, I would have floored her." Gordie said.

"Huh?" Chris asked, confused.

"Yeah, I was so mad! I turned the corner and saw you guys, and I started seeing red. The only reason I didn't run up and scream my head off like a madman and humiliate both of us is that I suddenly realized you were purposely tying to make me jealous." Gordie chuckled, giving Chris a sheepish grin.

"You dick! You were just fucking with me the whole time?" Chris exclaimed with a huge grin, wanting to jump for joy, Gordie did care.

"Basically, yeah. It was pretty funny, you should have seen your face!" Gordie said with a laugh.

"Yeah, real funny Lachance, ha ha" Chris said dryly.

"You deserved it though! You were the one who was purposely trying to upset me in the first place!" Gordie defended himself.

"Hey! I was just trying to get you back for yesterday!" Chris said.

"Hey! I wasn't trying to upset you! Is it my fault that you're a psycho who freaks out over a couple of whispers?" Gordie asked innocently.

"What-the fuck-ever, Gordie!" Chris exclaimed.

"Hey! I'm serious! I wasn't trying to make you jealous, sincerely!" Gordie said truthfully, not mentioning the day before that.

"Whatever. Just do me a favor, okay?" Chris asked.

"What?" Gordie asked, raising his eyebrows curiously.

"Next time, just let me know you're jealous, okay? That was fucking disgusting." Chris said, shivering in disgust.

"If you value the health of everyone involved, there won't be a next time" Gordie said gravely.

__

Chris started laughing but, noticing that Gordie wasn't laughing with him, decided to stop, smiling to himself. They continued down the hall, both feeling secure in their new relationship. Gordie, felt that Chris wanting to make him jealous proved that he cared. And, as for Chris?…Well let's just say he was no longer had any reason whatsoever _to doubt that Gordie had been jealous._


	16. Nicknames

Authors Note: first and foremost, thanks to Brianna, Rachel, Genuine, Stacey, and Steph. Oh, and Rachel, I just wanna say that you are about the cutest thing ever! And I know the storyline gets better, b/c I have written twenty three chapters! I just like to update it slowly to prolong the agony! Cuzz I luv ya!

"Hey, Chris, my parents are going out of town tonight, do you wanna come over for a while?" Gordie asked after school that day.

"Sure what do you wanna do?" Chris asked.

"I dunno. That new werewolf movie is supposed to come on T.V. tonight, we could watch that" Gordie suggested.

"Yeah, I've been wanting to see that." said Chris, who's family couldn't afford a T.V.

"Cool" Gordie replied as they walked out.

"Hey, do you think we'll have time to go over that section we did in English today?" Chris asked "I'm lost"

"Yeah, sure, but then you gotta quiz me for that history make-up test, okay?" Gordie asked.

"Sure" Chris responded, cracking his neck.

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__

A few hours later, Gordie and Chris sat in the dark watching someone get ripped to death on Gordie's television. Instead of actually sitting on the couch, they had opted to sit on the floor in front of it and lean against it. Chris was halt-sitting, half-lying against it with his legs sprawled out in front of him…Gordie was halfway on top of Chris, who's arm was thrown around Gordie's shoulder. They were both watching the screen intently when something particularly nasty happened and Gordie automatically clenched his eyes closed and looked away.

"Pussy" said Chris, not looking away from the screen.

"Shut-up! That shit's nasty!" said Gordie, who had already recovered, but argued anyways.

"I guess years of looking at your face has made me immune" Chris said in a distracted voice, not looking away from the screen.

"Kiss it" Gordie said right as another particularly gruesome scene came onto the screen. This time Gordie kept it down to a barely perceptible flinch.

"Poor Gordie, he just can't take it, can you, buddy?" Chris asked as he patted Gordie's shoulder.

"Go screw" Gordie responded, not quite sure what he had said, but assuming it was smart-assed, since he had only been half-way listening.

They were silent for a few minutes.

"And I'm NOT a pussy…wanna see?" Gordie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Gordie! You freak!" Chris responded.

"I know, I'm disgusting" Gordie said in a proud voice.

"No…I mean, yeah,…but that's not what I meant…You can't make a comback after there's been an entire conversation!" Chris said.

"Who says" Gordie asked.

"That's just the way it is, you retard" Chris said, flinching at the movie.

"Oh!!! Who's the tough man now?! Looks like my face wasn't quite enough" Gordie said with regret "…want me to go get you a mirror?"

Chris laughed and tightened his arm around Gordie a little, never taking his eyes off the screen. Gordie laughed at himself, settling more firmly into Chris' arm.

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"So, how do you think you did on that History test?" Gordie asked Chris before school the next day.

"I don't know man. I studied for like three hours the night before. I think I did okay…I hope I did, at least. How about you?" Chris asked.

"I think I did okay on it…listen, I have to go do something, okay? I'll see you later" Gordie said suddenly, then walked off.

"Hey there, Chris" Angel said as she walked up to him and rubbed his side suggestively.

"Uh…hi Angel" Chris responded uncomfortably, subtly shifting to the side, and away from her caress, making it clear he did not welcome it. 

Unfortunately, Angel didn't take hints very well. She simply scooted closer to Chris and nipped playfully at his ear. Chris jumped back as though he had been scalded. She started walking torward him and he picked up his book bag and held it up in front of him as though to ward her off.

"What's wrong, Chrissy?" Angel asked in a voice as sweet as syrup.

"Nothing…listen, you're a nice girl…but…I'm kind of involved with someone else. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have lead you on." Chris said with true regret.

"It's cool. It did seem like I had to work a little to hard for you" Angel said casually.

"Hey, I have a friend I think you would like a lot, his name is Teddy…." Chris said as he walked down the hall with Angel.

Gordie smiled to himself, then turned around and walked the other way.

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__

Chris, Vern, Teddy, and Gordie were all walking to lunch, talking casually about their classes, and music, and movies, nothing in general, when it happened.

"Nuh-uh, Bridgett Berdeaux is so much hotter!" Teddy said.

"No way! It's Marilyn Monroe all the way! Sincerely! Ask anyone! I've never even heard of no Bridgy Bordo!" Vern exlcaimed

"That's because you suck and you're a fucking retard!" Teddy said, punching Vern in the shoulder.

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Chris and Gordie shared a look of resigned ness and shook their head. They started walking a little bit behind them, not enough to be obvious, but enough to be able to have an intelligent conversation. 

"So, what's up with Mrs. Wilkins?" Gordie asked.

"I don't know man, she fucking hates me and I don't know why!…Well I mean, she hates me even more than most people." Chris said as an afterthought.

"Maybe because she's a bitch with a crab up her ass?" Gordie suggested, hating that it still upset Chris so much whenever someone new didn't like him.

Whatever, I don't give a f…." Chris was cut off.

"Look, it's the faggot twins again!" The asshole from a few days ago suddenly shouted.

"And they've got their groupies with them today!" the girl beside him exclaimed.

"You know what they say…" the second guy said.

"Safety in numbers!" the ringleader finished.

"Oh, geez! Did you see CC trying to be straight yesterday? It was hysterical!" the girl asked, bursting into laughter.

"I know! We're all pretty used to Fagpants over there being in the closet, but I do believe that was CC's first attempt at normalcy!" the second guy put in.

"But did you hear about this morning, how he shut Angel down? Guess it was a no-go, he must have made up with his bitch." the first guy said with a laugh.

"I know, ever since their 'fight', they've been closer then ever!" the second guy exclaimed, batting his eyelashes.

"I guess, CC was finally able to convince Fagpants that he was the only one he got a boner over! Isn't it sweet?!" the girl exclaimed.

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They all burst into laughter, and as they walked past them, one of the boys hit Gordie hard on the back of the head, making him bite his tongue painfully. Teddy and Vern had stopped their conversation long ago and were now staring at Gordie and Chris with concerned expressions on their faces.

"You okay, Gordie?" Vern asked, noticing the blood in the corner of his mouth.

"Shit, Gordie" said Chris, who had looked at Gordie's face at Vern's question.

"Don't worry about it…it hardly hurts." Gordie said, but when he talked, the other three noticed the deep gashes on his tongue, one on top and one on bottom, not to mention the fact that Gordie was swallowing a ton of blood.

"I fucking hate those assholes. I'm gonna fucking kick their asses" said Teddy, who had always had more of a tendency toward violence then the other three.

"Teddy, don't worry, about it, I'm fine…Vern, breath!" Gordie said with a laugh, noticing that Vern had turned pasty white.

"I-I'm f-fine" Vern stuttered, swallowing hard.

"Sure you are buddy" Gordie said, patting him on the shoulder.

Vern, Gordie, and Teddy all noticed at once how silent Chris had been during this exchange, which was weird, seeing as how he was the best comforter out of the lot of them.

"Hey, Chris, don't get upset over those assholes. Vern and I aren't stupid you know. We know you guys aren't faggots, their just assholes." Teddy said sincerely.

"Yeah…assholes" Chris said in a distracted voice.

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The four boys all went to the bathroom so that Gordie could rinse his throbbing mouth out with water, soon finding out just how stupid of an idea that was when his tongue started bleeding worse and throbbing more insistently. Chris' severe expression only got more thoughtful as the day went on. After Vern and Teddy had long since gotten over the ordeal, and even Gordie had stopped thinking about it, Chris remained silent and thoughtful.


	17. Weirdness

Author's Note: Sorry it's been so long guys. I've been real busy, what with exams and all. This chapter kinda sucks, sorry, it gets better soon. Enjoy!

Gordie was not able to eat anything that required chewing for a few days. Although it hurt a lot, he didn't mind too much…he found it very amusing to see Vern's expression whenever he stuck his tongue out. Torturing Vern was always fun. Teddy on the other hand thought it was the coolest thing ever and kept talking about how he hoped Gordie got a scar. He said you could always tell how manly a guy was by how many war wounds he had. It was great! Gordie didn't even mind the pain because he was getting so much attention about it. Shortly after it had happened, the trio had caught up to him when he was alone and made it very clear that he and his friends were not to tell anyone what had happened. He had no clue what to say had happened…but good old Teddy had come through in the end and told everyone that he and Gordie had been bickering and he Gordie had stuck his tongue out and he had bopped his jaw and made him bite it. When someone asked what they had been fighting about, Teddy had said that he didn't remember, it had just been some stupid shit, but they were cool now. Some might have thought this was an act of kindness on his part, and it was, but not in the way it seemed. It wasn't him martyring himself and taking the blame…that wasn't how Teddy worked…it was his way of him telling Gordie to get over it, that it could just as easily have happened while joking around with a friend…plus, Teddy always like the attention to be on him.

Chris was a whole different story. Gordie didn't even talk about that day in front of Chris, much less gloat about it. Chris had been strangely distant since then…for instance, they hadn't done any serious kissing since then, Chris said it was because he didn't want to hurt Gordie's tongue, Gordie told him that it didn't hardly hurt anymore and Chris had said that it would be feel weird because of the cut. Gordie thought that was a pretty weak excuse, but he hadn't said anything else about it. It wasn't just that though…he never really hugged him anymore either, and when he did, it was always quick and formal. He was constantly quiet, and whenever he talked, it was in a quiet, distracted voice. He always had this heartbreakingly sad expression on his face. 

Gordie missed his friend. He didn't understand what was wrong. Part of him wondered if he was regretting telling Gordie how he felt about him, that maybe he didn't know how to act around him now because he was nervous. This almost made since…except that he hadn't been awkward with him before the episode. Then there was the other part of him, the part that he tried his hardest not to listen to, but still came out at night when he was alone. The part that rationalized that Chris had realized that day that Gordie wasn't worth the trouble, that he wasn't what he had expected, that he had mistaken his gratitude toward Gordie as something deeper. That it wasn't worth having another reason to be teased to be with him. Whenever Gordie started thinking about this, he got nauseous and started feeling panicky. Whatever weird shit was going on right now, he couldn't lose Chris. If he just wanted to be friends, that was fine! They'd just be friends. But as the days went by and the weirdness continued, he started to wonder if maybe he didn't even want to be friends. He started feeling awkward around Chris, not knowing what to say to him…he hated this! Chris was supposed to be the one person he could truly relax around, and now he was more nervous around him than he was his dad! 

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It was Friday night and Gordie was laying on his carpet, staring blankly at the ceiling while Chris, who had decided to sit on the bed across the room, looking down at Gordie's science book. Chris had been avoiding Gordie, but when Gordie had said he was desperate for help in science, Chris had agreed. Gordie sat there and thought about that for a second…Chris was seriously upset about something, but he still hadn't hesitated to help him…no matter what shit was going on in Chris' life, he was always there for Gordie, putting him first. Gordie looked over at Chris, staring at him with an unreadable expression on his face. 

"Uh…Gordie?" Chris asked, looking up from the book.

"Huh?" Gordie said, snapping out of it.

"I just asked you a question" Chris stated.

Gordie, not missing that Chris hadn't put some lighthearted insult at the end like he normally would, said solemnly "Oh…sorry, I guess I didn't hear you"

"What is a valence electron?" Chris asked calmly.

"An electron on the outermost electron shell" Gordie answered easily.

"Right" Chris said, looking for another question to ask.

Gordie watched him, noticing how stiff his back was and how completely serious he was. This sucked. 

"How many electrons can fit in the second electron shell?" Chris asked.

"Eight" Gordie said, bored.

"No" Chris said, looking up and watching Gordie's face.

"Yeah-huh" Gordie said in a confused voice, getting up and crossing the room, he plopped down on the bed next to Chris, grabbing for the book "Let me see that" Gordie said, knowing he was right and excited at the thought that Chris was playing around with him again, but as he grabbed the book, Chris let go of it and shot off the bed.

"What the fuck, Lachance?" Chris asked in an outraged voice.

"Wha…?" Gordie asked, looking up at Chris from his position on the bed.

"You know all this shit, Gordie!" Chris shouted, crossing is arms and scowling.

"What are you talking about?" Gordie asked, almost excited that he was finally getting some kind of emotion from him.

"I said you were wrong when you weren't to see if you would know I was lying, and you knew! You already know all this shit!" Chris accused.

"Yeah, so?" Gordie said defensively, getting off the bed and drawing himself to his full height, a good inch taller than Chris.

"So why the fuck did you lie to me?!" Chris shouted, not intimidated in the least.

"Maybe because I'm tired of you avoiding me like I'm some king of fucking mutant!" Gordie exclaimed.

"What?" Chris asked in a truly confused voice, like he honestly didn't realize he had done anything of the sort.

"Don't pull that bullshit with me! I'm not stupid! Whenever I come within twenty feet of you, you either clam up like a scared puppy, or run away like you're terrified I'm going to jump your bones! Well, I can assure you that you have nothing to worry about! I'll never feel _that _sorry for you!" Gordie lashed out.

__

Chris flinched visibly, as though Gordie had just smacked him. He nodded his head sadly, turned around slowly, walked through the door, down the hall, and out of the house.

Gordie just stood there for a minute after Chris left, his mouth hanging open at the hurtful words that had just come out of him mouth. Finally, he came to his senses, and ran after him, he ran out onto the porch, scanning the street for any sign of his friend.

"Chris!" Gordie shouted, not seeing him.

"Yeah?" Chris asked sadly, stepping from behind Gordie on the porch.

"Oh…hi" Gordie said lamely.

They stood there for a minute looking at each other, Gordie had just opened his mouth to apologize when Chris asked, "So…why did you lie to me?" 

"I don't know…I guess because I missed you" Gordie said, going with the truth. "I mean, you _have _been acting really weird lately" Gordie said shrugging "I'm sorry".

"I know" Chris responded simply, leaving Gordie to wonder if he meant that he knew he was sorry or that he knew he had been weird.

"I didn't mean it" Gordie said, getting a little panicky.

"I know" Chris repeated

"I was just mad" Gordie said desperately.

"I know" Chris said, nodding his head, he turned around and started walking down the street.


	18. Regrettig Confessing

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Gordie walked back to his room, seriously confused. Something was seriously bothering Chris. But it wasn't what he had been thinking…that much he knew. Chris hadn't seemed mad or annoyed or anything like that, just…sad. Gordie sat on his bed for a few minutes, thinking to himself. Suddenly, he had a thought…what if Chris was having insecurities similar to the ones he had been having! He was probably just wondering where they stood or something. Yeah, that was it…after all, they hadn't ever actually said they were going out. Suddenly, his words from earlier popped into his head.

"Fuck!" Gordie shouted, shooting off his bed.

__

'Why do I have to be such an asshole?' Gordie thought as he plopped back onto his bed, running an aggravated hand through his hair. It seemed like he just kept on screwing up lately. He didn't know how Chris put up with him, he would have kicked his ass by now. Everything would be fine. It always was with Chris. He'd talk to him and make sure he understood how much he cared for him. Gordie turned off the light and got in bed, telling himself one more time that everything would be okay.

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Gordie, not very surprisingly, had trouble sleeping that night. He kept seeing that sad, resigned look on Chris' face. Finally, a little after dawn, he gave up and decided to get some air. He crawled through his window like he had so many nights before, knowing that his parents wouldn't notice he was gone. He started walking, with no particular place in mind. He ended up at the park and walked around for a little while, then decided to go to the tree house and read a couple of magazines. 

When he got there, he was surprised to see someone curled up in one of the chairs, asleep. He immediately knew it was Chris, and was trying to decide if he should wake him and ask him what he was doing there or just leave when he noticed for the first time that Chris' eyes were open slightly, and he was staring at him, wide awake. 

"Shit" Chris said, and, knowing he was caught, straightened up and continued to stare at him.

"Hi yourself" Gordie said with a half-smile, knowing neither felt like laughing.

"Why are you here?" Chris asked, never one to beat around the bush.

"Couldn't sleep" Gordie said honestly.

Chris pursed his lips a little and nodded, looking to the side "Me neither".

"What's wrong, Chris?" Gordie asked.

"I just didn't feel like dealing with my dad tonight, and besides, its nice outside" Chris said, pretending to misunderstand.

Gordie bit his lip and nodded his head briefly "Okay, that's cool, I should probably go first anyway…I'm sorry I'm such an asshole." 

"What" Chris asked incredulously. 

"Just in general. Every time we get into a fight I say whatever I know will hurt the most, and its wrong, and I'm sorry. I swear I didn't mean what I said earlier…I know I've been weird throughout this whole relationship…if that's even what you'd call it. I'd be lying if I said that I wasn't a little freaked out when I first found out how you feel, but that was just an automatic reaction, a product of our surroundings, so to say." Gordie said, walking over to Chris and taking a deep breath, getting ready. "Anyways, once I actually sat down and thought about it…I realized just how much sense it made. I've always cared about you more than somebody does a friend. I mean, you've never been just a friend to me, its like we're a pair of feet. We both have to bare a lot of weight, more than we could ever hold up on our own. But we are never alone, the other one is always there, taking half the burden, and whenever I have to take a really hard step, you're there to carry me, and the next step, I'm right there waiting to carry you. If it weren't for you, I'd crumble under the weight of it all. I realized all this and realized it was the most natural thing in the world for us to be together, it doesn't matter that you're not a girl, or that to some people, that might be weird…because you're _Chris, _and that's all that matters. And then, back there, when I said what I did, and I saw the hurt on your face, even if it was only temporary, and I knew I had put it there, I realized that…I think I lo…" 

"Stop!" Chris cut Gordie off in a panicked voice, he shot out of his chair "Gordie…I don't think this is going to work" 

"What?" Gordie asked, praying to God that he didn't understand.

"This" Chris said, pointing to himself, then Gordie, then himself, then Gordie again "Us" Chris finished. He stood there for a minute, then crawled down the ladder.

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Gordie lay on the hard wooden floor of the tree house he was beginning to hate with his knees pulled tight to his chest, rocking back and forth. He wished he could cry, he didn't care if it was pussy, it might ease the pain in his chest. But he found that he had no tears, he hurt too much to do anything more than lay there, wishing he would just go ahead and die. It was his fault…he had scared him, gone too far…he shouldn't have tried to say anything about love…Chris didn't believe in that shit…he had seen his Dad hit his Mom too many times. Chris had told Gordie he didn't believe it. Gordie had known that and hadn't even realized he did either, but he had gotten carried away with his words and had hoped that Chris had been affected by them too…but he hadn't been. Things would always be awkward between them now…Chris would never be comfortable around him again. Gordie started feeling nauseous and had to force his frozen legs to function long enough to run to the window. He leaned his head out of it and threw up until he felt completely and utterly empty, then he crumpled on the floor and laid there until he fell into a restless sleep filled with images of a life without Chris.

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Chris lay in his bed, a bloody red gash on his forehead where he had tripped in his rush to get away from Gordie. He thought about the things Gordie had said, about his metaphor. About the fact that he loved him. The thought brought a thick lump of emotion to his throat. Gordie loved him. It wasn't that the fact scared him…quite the opposite. He had always loved Gordie, he just hadn't realized it until that moment in the tree house. And in that moment, he had also realized that it was time for him to grow up and stop being selfish. All his life, Gordie had been Chris' friend, despite what everybody else had thought of him for it. He had never complained about it, and in turn, had made Chris' childhood livable… given him good memories to balance out the bad ones. Chris had always known that it was wrong of him to take Gordie down with him, but he hadn't had the strength to let him go. Knowing that Gordie loved him gave him that strength. Getting teased in school was one thing…and Chris knew it didn't matter to Gordie, he didn't care what they thought, and he knew he was going to get out of Castle Rock and never see them again, and it wouldn't matter. Chris refused to be the reason that didn't happen for him. Nobody would buy books some faggot had written. Chris had dragged Gordie down his entire childhood…he refused to do it in adulthood too. He loved him enough too much to do that to him.

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Monday morning, Chris got to school before Gordie for the second time in his life with a mission in mind. He wandered the halls, looking for someone. He passed multiple people he knew. Vern saw him and ran up to him and started yapping his ear off about his weekend. Chris said things like yeah?_ and _uh huh _at the appropriate times, but wasn't really listening. Vern, who did not take hints, just kept on talking happily, not a worry in the world. Suddenly he saw Teddy._

"Hey shithead! What was with you at that party Saturday? When you gonna realize that girls like guys with dicks?" Vern asked, not bothering to say bye to Chris as he walked toward Teddy.

"Shut the fuck up, fatass!" Teddy said in greeting.

"Hey, you see this?" Vern asked, patting his stomach "No fat here!" 

"You'll always be fat in your soul, Verno!" Teddy said good-naturedly as he put his arm around Vern's shoulder.

"What? You do realize that you make absolutely no fucking sense, you retard! Don't you" Vern said, raising his eyebrows.

"I'm just so smart that your small brain can't comprehend the meaning of my words" Teddy said, smiling.

"What! You're an idiot!" Vern said, giving Teddy an odd look.

"See what I mean?" Teddy asked. 

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Chris didn't even notice that Vern was gone. He had spotted her. "Hey Angy, baby" he said, walking up to her and putting his arm around her shoulder.

"Chris!" Angel exclaimed, pleasantly surprised "How have you been?" she asked as she circled her arms around his waist.

"I'm fine now" Chris said flirtingly.

"I thought you said you were involved" Angel said questioningly.

"Well, I got uninvolved. That okay with you?" Chris asked, and seeing Gordie out of the corner of his eye, pressed her up against the locker with his body, pretending not to see him.

Gordie felt his throat close up and his stomach heave "Chris" Gordie asked involuntarily.

Chris looked back at Gordie reluctantly, and seeing the devastated look on his face, started to let go of Angel and go talk to him.

"CC! What are you doing?!" asked the leader of the trio that had started this whole thing.

"Awww, how sad! Would you look at Fagass' face! I think she's going to cry! Look at this" said the other guy, grabbing Gordie's head in a headlock and pushing his cheeks forward, making his lips pouch out.

Gordie never reacted, just continued to stare at Chris.

"Come on, honey, lets go somewhere more private…its starting to stink" Chris said, walking away with his arm around Angel's shoulders.

"That's right CC, here's the hoop" the girl said, holding her hand up and pointing at the air underneath her hand "Jump, jump…good girl!"

They all laughed at this, and started to walk away, the fun over now that the one who reacted had left "It's Fagpants, dumbass! Jeez" the leader said, bopping the guy on the back of the head.

"Fagpants, Fagass, Fagdance, it's all the same to me" the boy replied with a shrug.

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Gordie stood there in the same spot for a minute, hating his life, then he turned around and slowly walked out the door. There was no way he could get through a whole day with Chris, not yet.

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Chris walked with Angel until he saw a restroom, then excused himself and didn't come out of the bathroom until after the bell had rung. Trying to avoid having to see her any more than possible. He hated having to do this, the expression on Gordie's face had torn his heart out and made him hate himself. He had even had a moment of weakness when he had thought that maybe if he and Gordie talked, that they could work things out. That anything was better than this. But then the trio had showed up and reality had bit him hard in the ass. He had to stop these childish fantasies of Happily Ever-fucking-After. That wasn't the way it was in the real world. In the real world, love didn't exist, because, whenever it started blooming, reality squashed it like a bug. He and Gordie could never be together, that was just the way it was. And the sooner he convinced himself of that, the better off everyone would be.


	19. The note

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Authors Note: First and foremost, I am sooo completely sorry for taking so long to update!! I know its been forever, I promise next chapter will be up sometime this week. Enjoy!!

Chris stopped outside the door, taking a deep breath, bracing himself for his first class with Gordie. His stomach was churning with emotion and growling from hunger, he hadn't dared eat anything today. Somehow he didn't think he would seem very indifferent if he puked all over Gordie the first time he confronted him. He took one more breath to sooth his frazzled nerves, fixed a bored expression on his face and walked into the door. He had just gotten ready to randomly pick a chair just far enough away from Gordie to not be obvious, and close enough to a cute girl to make it seem like he cared, when he noticed that Gordie hadn't gotten to class yet. Chris carefully chose a seat with no empty ones around it and sat down, waiting to see what Gordie would do. It wasn't for about ten more minutes that Chris realized that Gordie wasn't coming. Chris automatically started worrying if something had happened…what if those jerks had taken it one step to far? Damn it! He knew he shouldn't have left Gordie alone with them! He was such a selfish asshole! He had known he wouldn't be able to keep the act up much longer, so he had left Gordie alone with those assholes! The churning in Chris' stomach intensified as horrific scenes of Gordie beat to a bloody pulp played through his head. Oh jeez. He was gonna puke! It felt really hot in the classroom suddenly. Chris' hand shot into the air.

"What is it Chris?" 

"Can I go to the bathroom, Mrs. Gonzales?" Chris asked a little frantically.

"Sure" the teacher replied, turning back to the chalkboard.

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Chris quickly walked to the door and pushed into the hall blindly. He ran down the hall as quick as he could, trying not to think. He saw the back door to the school before he saw a bathroom and pushed it open. Once he got out onto the porch, he leaned over, bracing his hands on his knees, sure he was going to be sick. He stood there like that for a couple minutes, taking deep, shaky breaths, trying to sooth his burning stomach. When he finally felt confident he wasn't going to be sick, he straightened up and sat on one of the steps, trying to decide what to do. Once he got himself calmed down, he realized that they probably hadn't done anything to Gordie, not with that many people around. They knew they couldn't afford it…they were already on probation, and besides, him and Gordie weren't that important to them, they were just a cheap laugh to them. Chris realized this, but still didn't feel good about the situation. He'd feel a lot better if he could just see Gordie and assure himself that he was okay…Gordie couldn't know that he cared, though. Chris decided that he'd just go peek into his window. He'd get a glance at Gordie, see that he was fine, then slip away unnoticed. He got up and started down the street, not thinking a thing about skipping, knowing that no one would care…this was what they expected from him anyways.

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Chris walked quietly up to the wall of Gordie's house, right next to the window that he knew was Gordie's, stood against the wall for a second, then glanced through the window quickly, scanning the room for Gordie. He wasn't there…damn. Chris continued looking around for a second, trying to figure out what he was gonna do now. He had just come to the conclusion that he didn't really have a choice to make, and was about to leave when Gordie came through the door into his bedroom, towel-drying his still-wet hair, and wearing nothing but another towel, haphazardly hanging unevenly around his hips. Chris felt his heart jump into his throat in shock, jerking back into his position against the wall so fast that he hit his head against the hard brick. 'That was close' Chris thought as he stood there 'Well, I still saw what I needed to see…there was definitely nothing wrong with Gordie.

"Chris?" Gordie asked, opening the window and sticking his wet head out of it and looking directly at Chris. 

"HOLY FUCK!" Chris exclaimed, jumping back, his left hand shooting to the center of his chest in shock.

"What are you doing here?" Gordie asked, confused and shocked, but undeniably pleased…Chris still cared.

Chris just stared at Gordie, not knowing what in the world he could say to help the situation.

"Come on in" Gordie said, backing away from the window "We need to talk, and I'm getting a crick in my neck"

"Um…okay" Chris said, and, not knowing what else to do, crawled through the window.

"Turn around for a sec., okay?" Gordie asked.

Chris turned around while Gordie put on some boxers.

"okay, you can turn around" Gordie said.

When Chris did, he noticed Gordie walking from the locked window to the door, locking it too.

"What are you doing?" Chris asked.

"Locking you in" Gordie said casually "you're not running away this time, we need to talk, and it's gonna happen now" Gordie said.

"Oh" Chris said, feeling a bit nervous.

"Sit" Gordie said pointing to the bed, and opting for the floor in front of the door, himself.

Chris sat down.

"Do you want to start, or do you want me to?" Gordie asked, cutting to the point.

Chris stared at him silently.

"Right…I guess that means me…okay." Gordie sat there for a moment, thinking "Chris? Look at me, okay?" Chris looked up at him "I know what I said, and I know that it scared you…freaked you out. I should have thought about that before I said it, and I'm sorry…I seem to say that to you a lot, don't I?" Gordie said with a sad smile "Anyways…I also know that you don't return the feelings, and probably never will, and I'm not going to try to pressure you into it, or make you feel guilty for not loving me back. That's right, I said it…try not to look quite so terrified, okay?" Gordie said with a self-depreciating smile. "I don't expect you to feel the same way. That's not the way you work, and I knew that when I got into this relationship, I've always known it. And part of loving someone is accepting the person exactly as they are, flaws and all. Your feelings about love are one of the many things about you that make up Chris Chambers, and I love _all_ of him. And, although I'm not putting pressure on you, I'm also not going to deny it, because that's not how _I _work. And, lastly, regardless of how you feel about 'this…us'," Gordie said, using the same pointing motion Chris had the night before "I don't want to lose our friendship, and I don't see any reason why we should. It may not be the same as it was before, but anything is better than nothing. And I don't know a lot of things right now, Chris, but I know I don't want nothing." Gordie sat there for a moment, waiting for Chris' reply "That's all…your turn" he said with a joking smile that didn't reach his eyes.

"No" was all Chris said. He said it calmly. He didn't get up and try to run out of the room. He didn't look panicked or scared. He just sat there and looked a Gordie with a look of calm resignation. It was that look that scared Gordie, more than the word.

"What do you mean 'No'?" he asked, standing up.

"It wouldn't work." Chris stated, not really looking at Gordie anymore, kind of staring off into space, an eerie calm about him.

Gordie started to panic "Why wouldn't it work Chris? Why wouldn't it work? I wouldn't start acting all pussy if that's what you mean. I wouldn't act any different than I always have. I wouldn't, I swear! I can be normal, Chris, I swear I can!" Gordie said, his voice getting thick with emotion.

"It doesn't matter, Gordo. We can never be 'just friends' again. It would never be the same, it would always be weird and awkward. And if we tried, it would just stain the good memories we have, and I don't want that. Don't give me that look, Gordie, it was bound to happen some time…it wasn't like we were going to stay friends forever or something" Chris said, never raising his voice or moving his gaze from that random place on the wall. This time it was Gordie who walked away.

When Gordie got home, Chris wasn't there. Gordie wasn't surprised at this, and was almost even glad. He didn't now how he would have reacted if he had been. He blindly headed for his bed, not bothering to turn on the light, he pulled off his pants (he had never put a shirt on) and got into bed. As soon as he laid down, he heard, as well as felt, the crinkling of paper underneath him. Knowing what it was, he got it out from underneath him and headed to the wall and turned the light on to read the note "

Gordie,

It was great knowing you, bye.

Chris.

That was all the shit-ass note said! Gordie was appalled! He didn't know whether to laugh, cry, or scream. That piss-ass note didn't come near to doing this justice! That was how he said goodbye to him!…but at the same time, it was so completely Chris: short, to the point, and hits you right in the center of the heart. Then he noticed the writing on the very bottom of the page, put there as if against better judgment, and done quickly, before he could think better of it.

I won't forget you…ever.

That was all it said, but it was more than enough…all indecision gone, Gordie slowly walked over to his bed, not bothering with the light, laid down, pulled his knees to his chest, and let out all the tears he had been holding in for more than a week. Feeling like a fragile, empty, numb shell of himself when he was done, as though if someone were to touch him he would shatter. 

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	20. Starting to Understand

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Although Gordie was very upset that night, by Monday, he had come to the conclusion that everything would be fine. This was a conclusion that took many hours of tossing and turning and many gallons of tears to come to. Chris had just been upset. It wasn't like they would actually stop being friends…come on, that would never happen! He got up and got dressed, feeling marginally better than he had the night before. 

When he got to school, however, the first thing that he saw was Chris talking to Angel. Gordie felt his heart turn to lead and drop to his feet, suddenly consumed with dread. He wasn't flirting with her…no, that wouldn't upset him too much, in fact, in his present condition, he'd probably get happy because he knew that Chris still cared enough to want him to be jealous. No, it wasn't flirting, no, it was something much worse…Chris was leaning against the lockers by a hand that he had braced next to Angel's head. He looked relaxed, comfortable, he laughed and Gordie realized that he was actually having a conversation with her…enjoying himself. This upset Gordie more than anything else could have, he could have seen them doing the nasty right there on the floor, and it wouldn't have upset him as much as seeing this display did. He considered turning around and walking right back out the door like he had Friday, then decided that it was about time one of them decided not to take the pussy way out. He walked up to Chris and tapped him on the shoulder.

Chris turned his head, a huge, genuine smile on his face. As soon as he realized who had tapped him, the smile melted and his eyes became shuttered, glossy, and dead. Gordie wanted to cry when he saw this. He had always wanted to be one of the people who put a smile on Chris' face, instead, he was now the thing that killed his smile. Gordie still wasn't clear on what he had done to bring all this on. 

"Hi, Chris" Gordie said weakly.

The corners of Chris' lips lifted in a barely perceptible attempt to smile. He looked directly at Gordie and shook his head slowly and sadly, turned around, told Angel that he would see her in third period, then walked down the hall.

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Gordie watched Chris walk away, too numb with shock to react. He had been wrong, it wasn't going to just be okay…nothing would ever be okay again…man, fuck that! Chris was upset about something, and being a real bitch about it! Well he could go screw! They were just going to have to have a little conversation, weren't they? Gordie wasn't going to just sit here and let Chris throw their friendship away over some stupid-ass shit!

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Throughout the day, Gordie tried to catch up to Chris and try to talk to him. But Chris was hard as hell to find when he didn't want to be found! It was frustrating as hell, because Chris had never been the one hiding, he had always been the one looking. Whenever Gordie had screwed up in the past, Chris had just…been there when he was ready to talk. Gordie was always the one doing the avoiding…Damn, Gordie suddenly realized just how much he had always taken Chris for granted. Every time Gordie was able to catch up to Chris, he would always ignore whatever Gordie said, then rush away, leaving behind, an increasingly pissed Gordie. It was like this for about two weeks…longer than Gordie had ever not talked to Chris. He had long ago lost count of the number of times he had picked up the phone to automatically ask Chris something, or tell him something, or get him to come over. Anyways, by the end of these two weeks, you can imagine that Gordie has about reached the end of his patience. One day after lunch, Gordie left a couple of minutes early to wait at Chris' locker, which Gordie knew he had to stop by.

"Hey there, stranger" Gordie said cheerfully when he saw Chris. He did not miss the way that Chris squared his shoulders at the sight of him…bracing himself.

"Excuse me" Chris said politely.

Gordie scooted over, avoiding conflict "Chris, we need to talk" 

Chris got his math book out of his locker and put his science book in.

"Man, Chris, don't be like this!" Gordie said, stepping away from the locker.

Chris zipped up his book bag.

"Chris, I think I at least deserve to know what I did wrong! If you're gonna take away my best friend, you should at least tell me why!" Gordie said, getting seriously frustrated.

Chris turned around and started walking.

"I'm not gonna let you do this, man" Gordie said, calmer, as though Chris might as well get used to it.

Chris kept walking.

"You think I'm gonna give up eventually! But I'm not! I never will!" Gordie shouted to a now far away Chris.

Chris rounded the corner.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhggggggghhh!!!!!!!" Gordie exclaimed, kicking the locker, hard, then hopped around, holding his foot in pain.

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Well, you can just get the-fuck over it, Chambers. You're going to talk to me whether you like it or not! Gordie thought as he headed to sixth period. He did not make any more attempts to talk to Chris that day…he had decided what he was going to do.

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Chris had been home about a half an hour when the phone rang.

"Hello?" Chris asked into the phone.

"Chris, this is Gordie-DON'T hang up. We need to talk, and it's gonna happen whether you like it or not. I'm giving you an ultimatum, you ready? Here's how it's gonna go, I'm heading to the tree house once we get off the phone, once I get there, I'm gonna give you an hour, and if you're not there, I'll come to your house, and we can talk there. If you're not there when I come over, I'll wait until you get back. Those are the choices. Yeah, its bitchy, but you know what, so are you right now. I went through the sad part of this, I went through the depressed part, you missed all that, so now you get to witness the pissed off part. I suggest you don't let me find out what the next part is. I'm a reasonable guy, though, and if you for some reason, honestly can't make it in an hour, tell me now and we'll reschedule, but the same rules will still apply" Gordie said and waited.

"No response? Well, then I'm going to assume that that means that you'll be there. See you then" Click.

Chris hung up the phone and thought about what had just happened. He didn't have much of a decision to make, if he didn't show up, Gordie would come to his house, and if he had to have this conversation, he didn't want to have it anywhere his dad might walk in on it. Gordie had sounded pretty upset, this almost made Chris smile, except that he was completely depressed.

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Gordie sat in the tree house, waiting for Chris to show up. It had already been over an hour, he decided to give him another ten minutes. He really didn't want to take this so far as to go to his house, but he would. Suddenly, Chris' head popped through the trap door.

"Hi" Chris said, sitting down.

"Hi yourself…look, I have over two weeks worth of talking to do, so you might want to get comfortable. First off, I can't apologize for being an ass, because I don't know what I did that made me an ass, because you didn't tell me. I can't make it right if I don't know what's wrong. You should have told me. If you have decided that you hated me and never wanted to talk to me, I still deserved to know. We're best friends, and we should be able to work it out, no matter what. If anyone has the right to be angry right now, its me. Notice I say that calmly, because I'm not. But I could be. I mean, I told you I friggin loved you and you freaked out like I had just admitted that I was a horse fucker! I gave this whole big speech about what good friends we were and how I didn't' want to lose that, and your only response was, 'no'! No explanation, no clarification, nothing! Just 'no'! Did it ever occur to you how it would appear to me that my best friend in the entire world just suddenly started acting weird and distant, then when I tried to figure out what was wrong and ended up admitting that I had deeper feeling for him than I originally thought, he ran off like a scalded cat, and theeen suddenly decides that he doesn't even want to be my friend anymore!? No, Chris, you didn't!…see, I could be mad at you…I have plenty of reason to be mad at you…but I'm not. I just wanna be friends again." Gordie said, his voice losing some of its conviction towards the end.

"Gordie…" Chris began in a very sad and regretful voice.

"Just answer me one thing, okay?" Gordie asked in a very quiet, unsure voice "Why does it freak you out so much. Is it that impossible for you to imagine ever loving me?" Gordie asked, a deflated sort of look on his face.

"No, Gordo, it's that easy to imagine" Chris said, looking at Gordie, trying to make him understand.

"What?" Gordie asked, his heart fluttering with hope underneath the thick layers of confusion and doubt that enveloped it.

"Haven't you ever noticed my lack of relationships? And even when I had one, I never let it get too deep, too threatening. They were always fun and carefree, and free of danger. With you, I don't have that. With you, it would be all to easy to let myself fall in love with you, and I can't do that to us. I'm not gonna be my Dad, Gordie, I'm not." Chris said, shaking his head with conviction.

"Then don't be, Chris. You aren't a product of your environment, we're fucking proof of that if anyone is. You're nothing like your Dad or your brothers! You've never laid a finger on a beer bottle, won't let me either. You're in the fucking college courses, man! You're gonna make something out of yourself, you're gonna get out! None of the rest of them are! You're nothing like them!" Gordie said with conviction.

"Gordie! You don't understand! That's not what I'm talking about. I know I'm getting out. What I'm talking about is something inside" Chris thumped his chest "Think about it, Gord, my Mom wouldn't have married a man with a drinking problem. She definitely wouldn't have married someone who hit her! Nobody says, 'hey, when I grow up, I'm gonna beat my wife'. It's not the alcohol, Gordo, that's just something that makes it worse. Its something in his head, something that's missing, some instinct or something. It wasn't missing when he was a kid, it disappeared over the years. I could lose it too. It's a reality I've thought about my whole life. A reality I knew about when I got into this relationship, and I shouldn't have started it when I knew how it was going to end. But I was selfish…I had to know what it would be like, having someone to love who loves you back. I had to know so that I could drive myself crazy for the rest of my life, regretting ending it. No, I'm not gonna be an alcoholic, that's obvious. But there are other things to be addicted to. I could become a work-a-holic, and start neglecting you, until, you eventually can't take it, and leave me, or worse, cheat on me! I can't let that happen Gordie, I can't. I'm not gonna destroy your spirit, I refuse to, not even for you. I know it hurts right now, trust me_, _Gordie, _I know, _but it would hurt so much worse later, because, with you, it would be for real, forever. And, knowing that, I'm ending it now, before we get too deep, while I still can. If we stay together, it wouldn't take long at all before I didn't have the strength to end it, so I'm doing it now. Because I love you enough to let you go. That's right. Love, I said it, yeah, I love you, have for a while. Too bad I'm so fucked up, huh?" Chris gave Gordie a weak, sad, pitiful smile.

"Chris, it doesn't have to be that way. You've already proved that you're different than them in so many ways, you can do it with this too. You just have to try, because, you're forgetting one crucial difference between you and them; you care. You want to be more, they never did. They weren't even smart enough to realize there was something to prevent. You could do it…if you wanted it bad enough." Gordie said, looking Chris right in the eye, all doubt and fear gone from him. He just kept thinking _Chris loves me, we'll work it out._

"I do want it Gordie, Oh my God, I do" Chris said, his voice full of emotion, giving Gordie hope "But it doesn't matter, it just doesn't matter." his voice had gone flat and empty.

"Yes it does! You can do anything! You're Chris fucking Chambers! You're the guy who learned all the schooling it took me twelve years to learn in half that time, along with the new stuff that I was struggling with just by itself! You're the guy who can make some random kid on the side of the road crying forget what he was sad about. You're the guy who proved the entire fucking town wrong! You're the guy who takes more fucking shit and does less complaining than anybody else I've ever heard of or met! You're Chris fucking Chambers! You can do _anything._" Gordie said, believing what he said so much that Chris almost did to for a minute, almost.

"You know Gordie, that's one of the things I love most about you. The way your mind works. It's amazing. To you, anything is impossible if you want it bad enough, but at the same time, you're so logical sometimes, it blows me away. It's like, if you can't rationalize it, you put blind faith in it. I am so lucky to have been the object of that faith for so long, and it helped me in ways I fear you can never understand. You saved my life, Gordie. Now, let me save yours." 

"I don't understand. We can at least be friends, can't we?" Gordie asked.

"You're so wonderfully naïve, Gordie. Don't ever change that, it's another one of those things I will miss most about you. Don't you see? We can't stay just friends Gordie, because we can never be 'just friends' again. It would never be enough. Not for me and not for you, and I don't want to ruin the friendship we had. I can only take one heartbreak per lifetime."

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Gordie now knew that there was nothing else he could possibly say to persuade Chris. So, without another word, the two boys left the tree house and headed home in separate directions, both carrying a heavy heart and tear drained eyes. 


	21. Alone in the Bathroom

A/N: Sorry if the first part of this story is a little disturbing to some of you! I don't know what was goin through my head when I read this, it must have been late. Hope you still enjoy it!!

Gordie sat on his bed, wearing one of Denny's old shirts that his parents weren't aware he had, working on yet another El Dio story. He couldn't believe he was writing one of these. It had been years since the last one…he had gotten sick of them, and despite the pleas from Teddy, hadn't felt the urge to write them anymore. He knew it was a bit childish that he was writing something so unchallenging, but he didn't care. It had been about a month and a half since he had talked to Chris at all, and since then, twice he had walked in on his mom talking to Dericia, his infant sister, about how she was going to grow up and be just like her older brother, Denny. It made Gordie sick to think about…she wasn't even talking yet and they were putting pressure on her like that!! They probably wouldn't have even had her if Denny had lived. Facing this, on top of not being able to talk to Chris about it, had been too much for him, so he had escaped to the childhood memories of El Dio. As he sat there writing, flashes of Teddy and Vern fighting flashed through his head, along with different scenes of him and Chris over the years. Suddenly, the childhood response to Shut-up popped into his head, and with it, a whole different set of good memories, including just a couple of weeks ago when he had joked around with Chris at the tree house. Had that really only been a couple of weeks ago? Gordie shook his head, the smile falling from his face. Suddenly, he heard Rici (he refused to call her Derry like his parents) crying and, when, after a few minutes, the crying didn't cease, went to check on her. When he opened the door to her room, he immediately saw his mother, standing next to the window, holding a picture of Denny to her chest and crying her eyes out, not even aware of the wailing from Rici. Gordie shook his head in shame and picked up his baby sister.

"Shhh…Shhh, honey, everything is okay. Are you hungry? Huh? Come on, lets go get you some food, okay?" Gordie said, cuddling seven-and-a half month old close. He loved being an older brother and couldn't wait until Rici got a little older. He loved her more than anyone else in the world…well, almost. He reached for the doorknob, on his way to get a can of baby food, when his Mother realized that someone was in the room and looked up.

"Denny?" She asked, dropping the picture, her hand shot up to her mouth in shock. Gordie looked up in shock, then saw her glossed over eyes and realized she was slightly drunk.

"Mom…" Gordie began.

"Oh, Denny, is it true? Every night I prayed and prayed that you would magically be here. I even made a bargain with God, I told him that he could have Gordie, if he would just let me have you back…even just for a little while. But I never dreamed it would actually happen!" Gordie stood in shock, watching his hysterically happy mother run toward him with open arms. Something she had never, ever done to him before. She rushed up to him, ready prepared to squeeze him in a bear hug. Gordie ducked away from her just in time to save little Rici, who's cries had ceased to small whimpers, from being squashed between them.

"Whaa…" his mother said with a hurt, confused look "Oh!" she said, seeing the baby "Isn't she adorable? Looks just like you! I bet she'll be a cheerleader!" his mother gushed.

"Uh…yeah. She's beautiful" Gordie said, not knowing what else he could.

"Oh, Denny, I'm so happy! My babies are finally together! Wait till your father comes home! Oh, Denny!" She threw her arms around his neck and hugged him tight. Gordie, choked back a sob and, not knowing what else to do, hugged her around the middle with his free arm and closed his eyes. Mother and son stood with a baby in between them, sharing their first real embrace, both imagining it is someone else with their arms around them.

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_When Chris walked into school the next day, he saw Gordie standing with that Bridgett bitch again, his eyes filled with a joy Chris had rarely seen in Gordie's eyes. He saw Bridgett freely laugh at something Gordie said, completely comfortable with him. He felt his blood surge with irrational anger and wished he had the right to care, to do something about it. He was completely miserable. Gordie seemed fine though. It was common knowledge now that he and Bridgett were going out. Because of this, and the fact that he and Gordie hadn't talked for nearly two months, all teasing about being gay had stopped. Gordie had a nice, normal life now. He had a nice, normal girlfriend, wasn't teased, and didn't have to worry about Chris anymore. Chris knew he should be happy for him. He had been right, Gordie's life was a lot better now. This was what he wanted. Chris thought, not quite able to make himself smile for his friend. One more person who didn't need him._

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Gordie looked up at the best friend he had at the moment, Bridgett. Since he and Chris had stopped talking, he had spent a lot of time with her. She was the only one he had been able to tell what had really happened. She had reacted perfectly, with just the right mix of sympathy and indignation for him. He hadn't told her all the details, that wouldn't have been right…no, he had just told her enough to give her the basic idea. He had spent so much time talking to her that people had started thinking they were going out. Bridgett had suggested they let people think this for a while, saying it would be a great way to shut the trio up. Gordie, who had been pleasantly shocked to hear this, had hesitated for a second, thinking of Chris' reaction, then, deciding he didn't care, had agreed.

"Yeah, she's almost eight months! She's getting big!" Gordie said, his eyes filling with a joy only Rici could create.

"You really like your baby sister, don't you?" Bridgett said, having brought up the subject, knowing it would take his mind off of Chris.

"I'm crazy about her! She's so adorable! She's started teething! Did I tell you that? It's disgusting! I'll be holding her and when I put her down, my shirt will be soaked! It's so nasty! I can't wait until she gets older and I get to start teaching her stuff! Last week we went to Grandma's house and mom put her in this adorable little pink dress with white lace! It was so cute!" Gordie said animatedly, a huge smile on his face.

"Oh my gosh, Gordie, you're going to spoil that poor little girl so much! I can see it now, she's already got you wrapped around her tiny little finger" Bridgett said, laughing.

"I know! Bri, she's so awesome! You know, this one time…" 

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Bridgett watched Gordie talk so excitedly. She just didn't understand it. How could Chris possibly not want to be with someone who cared so much? 

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Chris was finishing washing his hands in the school restroom when Gordie pushed through the door.

"Okay, see you at lunch, Bri !" Gordie said over his shoulder before he noticed Chris, his wide smile disappearing immediately.

"Bri! What the fuck kind of name is that?" Chris said sarcastically. 

"Um…maybe the kind that's short for Bridgett! You fucking retard!" Gordie said, if Chris was gonna be mad, he could damn well be mad back!

"Don't fucking call me that!" Chris shouted, his back going rigid.

"I'll call you whatever the fuck I want to! What the fuck are you going to do about it, Faggot!!" Gordie shouted back, taking a step forward and dropping his book bag to the ground, getting ready.

"This!" Chris shouted, lunging at him and hitting him hard in the jaw.

"I fucking hate you !" Gordie shouted, knocking the wind out of Chris with a swift blow in the stomach.

"Wow! Really! I never would have guessed, you were so heartbroken! Completely fucking devastated, weren't you" Chris exclaimed bitterly, elbowing Gordie in the chest.

"Oh, I am just so fucking sorry that I didn't fucking crawl into a hole and die properly! Can't seem to do much of anything right, can I?" Gordie screamed, grabbing Chris in a headlock, choking him.

"Fuck off! I fucking hate you!" Chris escaped from Gordie's grasp and kicked him in the back of the knee, hard. Gordie fell to the ground with a thud, but quickly got back up, ready with a retort.

"Oh! Watch it there, Chambers, you sure are saying fuck a lot! If you're not careful, you might get addicted, and then, of course, you'll go completely, randomly crazy and shoot me or something, and you'll have absolutely no control over it! Because, remember, your future's already been decided, you have absolutely no fucking control over it!" Gordie said mockingly, elbowing Chris hard in the back.

"You're a real asshole, you know that?" Chris asked, kneeing Gordie in the gut.

"You wanna know what I think?" Gordie asked, punching Chris in the eye.

Chris gasped, whether from pain or in response wasn't clear "you think?" 

"I know you're not going there! If I'm dumb, I don't even want to think what you are!" Gordie shouted back. Both boys stood there for a minute, catching their breath, then lunged at each other again. A passing teacher heard the commotion and opened the door, then, seeing who it was, continued down the hall.

"That was a good one, Lachance! Real original!" Chris said, punching him square in the nose, causing a stream of blood to start flowing from it.

"Almost as good as yours! Why the fuck are you trying to change the subject, asshole?" Gordie kicked him hard, knocking him to the ground, then wipe his nose on his forearm, waiting for him to get up.

"I'm not! Why the fuck would I care what a little fuckface like you thinks?!" Chris got up and pulled on Gordie's hair, forcing him to lean back, then kneed him in the spine.

Gordie gasped, flinching hard in pain "That's twice you said it! Be careful! You're tempting fate, man!" Gordie grabbed Chris' wrist and twisted it behind his back, causing Chris to slouch a little in pain "Now, I'm going to tell you what I think. I think you're full of shit, Chambers. This whole boohoo act about wanting to fucking spare me ain't cutting it. You're afraid, Chris. You were right about one thing, you've never had any serious relationships, but it's not because you're trying to spare them, give me a fucking minimal break! You were trying to spare yourself. You're afraid to let anybody in because you're afraid they'll hurt you, and you knew with me it would be the real thing, so you cut it off before I could get to close." Gordie whispered all of this next to Chris' ear. "Well, fuck you! Don't feed me any bullshit about fucking loving me! You don't love anyone but yourself. If you did you would have thought about how I felt! Maybe I don't want to be spared! If you seriously cared, you wouldn't be able to not be with me, no matter what the consequences were! But you don't love me, because you won't let yourself, because you're fucking afraid. You are a coward, and you fucking disgust me!" Gordie said, pushing Chris roughly away from him and walking back out into the hall, leaving Chris laying on the floor in a crumpled heap.

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Chris laid on the floor for some time after that, thinking about what Gordie had said. He must be seriously mad at him…he had never laid an angry hand on Chris before in his life. He had never even thought it would happen, no matter how mad he had been at him. He had never wanted to take the chance that Chris would start relating anything he had done to his dad in any way. Chris wouldn't have, but there were just some things you didn't leave up to chance. Slowly, Chris began to realize just how much truth there was to what Gordie had just accused him of. He wasn't just afraid, he was fucking petrified. Knowing that Gordie knew Chris that much better than he knew himself kind of scared Chris. He had hit the nail on the head, so to say. But, knowing this didn't make Chris any less terrified, just more ashamed. He wished he could not be afraid, he wanted to not be afraid for Gordie. He wanted to be with Gordie more than he'd ever wanted anything in his entire life. Thinking about this, being with Gordie, terrified Chris more than anything had ever scared him in his life. It also made him hate his Dad just a little bit more. Why couldn't he have just been normal? Just a regular guy with regular problems, like a curfew that was too early, or parents who were overprotective, or even parents that ignored him? Why did he have to be Chris Chambers?

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Gordie rushed out of the restroom with feigned indifference. As soon as he got into the empty hall, he slid down the wall and put his head in his hands, already regretting what he had just said, but knowing there was nothing to do, the damage had already been done. Gordie didn't despise Chris, never had, never would, and never could. He just didn't' seem to be able to control himself when he got angry at Chris. It made him so furious to think that Chris would **chose** to not be with him. It made him even madder to realize that there was absolutely nothing he could do change that. Part of him felt so bad for him because he was so scared, but another part of him hated him, he wasn't enough to make him want to take the chance. Chris was his best friend in the entire world, he would do absolutely anything for him. He had always thought that Chris felt the same way, but it looked like the one thing he couldn't do was to simple trust him. Gordie couldn't imagine any fate worse than a life without Chris, and if Chris wanted it to, he would work his entire life trying to keep that fate from coming to pass. But if Chris didn't want it as bad as he did, then what was there for him to do? Nothing, there was absolutely nothing he could do about it. He would just have to learn to live his life without his best friend and the only person over the age of one that he had ever loved. 

Gordie slowly stood up, feeling like a huge chunk of his heart had been ripped out and what was left was leaking blood into his entire body, making his limbs feel heavy, and stiff, almost immovable. Gordie walked into his forth period class, ignoring his teacher's reprimand for being late, as well as the concerned look of his fellow classmates, who were looking at his already badly bruised face and the dried blood on his forearms, as well as over his face and still flowing, unchecked, from his nose. Gordie didn't notice any of it, all he could think about was the realization that this time, it was real, this wasn't some stupid bicker over a bruised ego, or something equally stupid and unimportant…no, this time, it was for real.

A/N: Ha ha! Title got your hopes up didn't it?!


	22. Finding Comfort in Strange Places

Gordie walked through the front door, completely devoid of emotion. The first thing that he noticed was his mother, sitting on the couch…crying. Nothing new there. Gordie turned the corner and started toward his room. He had just gotten to his door when he felt a hand on his shoulder roughly pull him back. 

"Dad?! What are you doing here?" Gordie asked, he was never home from work by now.

"Look, you stupid little fucker, don't play stupid with me. Your Mother called me at work, hysterical! What kind of dirty little bastard are? Doing something as sick as that to your own Mother?" his Father asked, a look of disgust on his face.

"Huh?" Gordie asked dumbly.

"Real wise guy aren't you?! Trying to pretend like you don't know what you did! You're fucking sick!" Gordie's dad said in shock.

"He's fucking dead, Gordie! Dead! You know how sensitive you're Mom is about it! What was it? Were you mad at me? Thought you'd have a good laugh? Damn, Gordie. I mean, I always knew you were fucked up…but damn, Gordie! Your own Mother?" Gordie's dad shook his head sadly.

"Wait a minute…you think I was trying to trick her!?!?!?!? What the fuck dad! Why would I do that? Seriously? What would I get out of it? Huh?" Gordie asked, truly amazed at the lowness of his father's opinion of him, but not really surprised.

"Oh, come on! You can't think I'm that stupid! Everyone knows that you were jealous of Denny! You probably celebrated the day he died, thinking we would be so _happy_ that you were alive that we'd forget that you're a fuck-up! Sorry, out of luck. We're sad, not dumb, and we'll always know you for what you are…nothing but a little shit-heap with shit for friends!" Gordie's dad said, starting to get a little red in the face.

"Don't talk about Chris." Gordie said each syllable slowly.

"Oh boo-fuckin-hoo…Although, now that I think about it…I haven't seen the little asshole in a while. Huh." Gordie's dad said, thinking for a minute, trying to decide how long it had been, then he looked at Gordie "Guess even he realized what a waste you were, huh? Gotta be pretty disappointing, I mean, you set your standards so low, and then, even they're too good." he shook his head in remorse.

"Fuck off," Gordie said darkly.

"Well, I mean, you gotta admit, it's pretty sad when you're not good enough for a Chambers." his father said, shaking his head sadly.

"Fuck you. I fucking hate you" Gordie said slowly, but with feeling.

"Don't talk to me like that, boy." his father warned.

"What?…oh, you mean fuck? fuck, _fuck, _FUCK, _FUCK, **FUCK!!!!**_" Gordie screamed, shaking with rage.

"Get the FUCK out of my house…right now! I never want to see your pussy-ass face in my house again!" Gordie's dad said, pointing toward the door.

"No _fucking_ problem, asshole." Gordie said, turning toward the front door. As he walked through the door, he noticed that his mother hadn't moved a muscle since he got home.

"Gordon!" Gordie heard his father yell at him. He turned around, some small, bruised and battered, naïve part of him hoping that he was going to show some small portion of concern.

"Know that if you walk out that door, you're not coming back, and I am not kidding" his dad in a voice filled with seriousness.

"Eat my fucking dust" Gordie said, walking out the door. 

Once he got outside, however, he quickly realized that he had no clothes or anything of the sort. Fuck. Well, he couldn't very well go back in there and get some. Oh well, he didn't stink that bad, he'd be okay. He started walking down the street, trying to figure out where he could go. His automatic reaction was to go to Chris', but he knew that wouldn't work. Teddy would ask too many questions, then he would overreact and start threatening to kick his dad's ass. And Vern…well, Vern was Vern. If he went to Bridgett's house, it would stir up too many rumors. There wasn't really anyone he would even consider, so he decided the inevitable…the tree house. It was still pretty early, so Gordie decided to go down to the library for a while and work on his homework. He had a lot, so it was a few hours before he got done with it. When he did eventually finish it, he wandered around aimlessly until the library closed. Then he decided to head to the tree house. When he got there, he was shocked to find that there was already someone there, someone he quickly recognized…

"Vern?" Gordie asked, surprised that he would be there this late.

"Gordie!" Vern jumped as though he had been caught doing something dirty.

"Hi to you too" Gordie said, smiling.

"Oh, sorry, you just scared me…Hi" Vern said with an open smile.

"What are you doing here so late?" Gordie asked, walking up to stand next to his friend.

"Well, what are you doing here so late?" Vern countered.

"I asked first" Gordie pointed out.

"That's true…it ain't nothing bad…I mean, Teddy might say it's pussy, but everything's pussy to him. Anyways, well…I just like to come here sometimes, you know. It's nice…to be here, it kind of makes everything seem okay. You can't help but be taken away by the memories. Like…you remember the time Teddy tried to jump to the ground form the trap door, telling us we were pussies for using the ladder? Teddy's so crazy…he's gonna die before he's thirty, before any of the rest of us. But, that's okay, cuzz he lives more than any of us, you know what I mean? He gets more out of it, enjoys it more. I'm not saying he don't have problems, holy fuck, does he." Vern said, as though he knew more on the subject than one would guess. "But he doesn't live around them. You know? While everyone else is thinking about how much their life sucks, Teddy is thinking about the army, or some girl's tits, and jumping off a roof, having the time of his life." Vern was silent for a second "See what I mean? It's this place, it takes you away………Anyways, your turn, why are you here so late?" Vern asked casually.

Gordie just stared at him for a second, realizing how little he knew him. He had never really had a conversation with him, always assumed that he couldn't talk about anything more complicated that what your favorite car was. "Me?…oh, I just wanted to get a magazine for school tomorrow, so I have something to do after my Math test." Gordie made up off the top of his head, not sure why he wasn't telling the truth. The only thing he could think was that this was the first time he had ever really talked to Vern, and he didn't want his Dad to ruin it.

"Aw, that's cool." Vern said "So, I've noticed that you and Chris have been acting kind of weird lately, what's that all about?" 

"Oh, you know, just some stupid shit over some girl" Gordie said, lying yet again.

"Yeah, I've been there." Vern said sympathetically, patting Gordie on the shoulder, almost like a big brother. This struck Gordie as a sweet, but very odd gesture. He couldn't help but laugh.

"What? What'd I do?" Vern asked, a confused look on his face.

Gordie patted Vern on the back, thinking that even if Vern was a lot smarter than he had always though, there was still a definite Vern-ness to him. Without giving it a second thought, he pulled Vern into a hug, thinking that Vern was definitely someone to have around when you were feeling down.

"What was that for?" Vern asked, an odd expression on his face.

"I don't know, I just don't think we've ever hugged before." Gordie said shrugging.

"No…well, most guys don't do they?" Vern asked.

"So?" Gordie asked.

"Yeah, you're right. And, besides, it's kind of nice…hugging people" Vern said, like this was new to him.

"Yeah, it is, Verno." Gordie said with a chuckle.

"Just don't tell Teddy, okay?" Vern asked as an afterthought "I ain't no pussy".

"I know you're not" Gordie said with another chuckle.

"Well, Good" Vern said "Well, it's getting kind of late, why don't we head home?" 

"You go on, I'm gonna stick around for a few minutes" Gordie said, sitting down.

"Want me to wait with you? I don't mind." Vern said nicely.

"Naw, I kind of want to be alone for a while. I think I'm gonna try that whole memory thing you were talking about" Gordie said.

"That's cool. Well, I'll see you at lunch tomorrow." with that, Vern disappeared down the ladder. That night, in the tree house, Gordie slept better than he had in weeks in his own bed. He was thinking about the refreshing innocence of Vern, and how nice it was to be around someone who was so positive and upbeat. You couldn't help but be in a good mood around Vern.. He made everything seem so simple, so black and white. Gordie fell asleep with a smile on his face. 

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Chris stood undetected at the end of the hall, watching Gordie. He did a lot of that…watching Gordie. Right now he was putting the books he had taken home the night before into his locker. Chris saw Vern run up to him and, after checking to make sure no one was there to see, gave Gordie a quick hug. Chris saw Gordie's expression of pleasant surprise, and felt the deadness in his chest shift painfully. Gordie said something to Vern that made him laugh, then gently pushed his shoulder. Vern, ever excited about something, got an expression of glee on his face and said something to Gordie, causing his shoulders to shake with laughter. Vern suddenly got a slightly confused look on his face, then pinched a piece of Gordie's shirt, then let it go, indicating that he was talking about the shirt. Gordie rolled his eyes and said something about taking a shower yesterday and not stinking too bad. Vern laughed loudly, shaking his head. Chris didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He was happy that Gordie was being normal; happy. He hadn't been happy for a good few months thanks to him. He was just getting ready to leave and let them be alone when he noticed _them_ coming down the hall.

"Hey, look, guys! It's our favorite pet! Fagpants! We missed ya!" the girl started the round of teasing out with.

"Aw, no. We can't call him Fagpants anymore! Haven't you heard! He's got himself a _girlfriend_!" said the ringleader.

"Poor CC! How could you do this to her! What is wrong with you? Honestly! How could you break your little friend's heart like that?" Said the other boy.

"Well, you know what they say…Once a fag, always a fag." said the girl.

"Yeah, you can say you have a million girls, and you'll _still_ be a fag!" said the second boy.

Chris had had all of these three he could take! He was going to beat the hell out of them, and fuck the consequences! Suddenly, Vern spoke up.

"Would you shut the fuck up!?! It really does get old hearing your winy asses saying the same shit every day! _Oh, your gay. Your so gay! Fagpants! Hehehe, I can rhyme, aren't you proud of me, Mama? Faggot. _ I mean, honestly, can't you at least get some new material? I mean, if you can't find someone else to tease, at _least_ think of something new to say!" Vern said, rolling his eyes for good measure.

"What did you just say?" one of them asked.

"Oh, so now you're deaf _and_ dumb? Your poor mother!" Vern exclaimed, shaking his head in sorrow.

"You did NOT just bring my mother into this! I'm gonna…"

"You're gonna what? You ain't gonna do nothing. You're already on probation, and even you're not stupid enough to waste that on a little punk like me!" Vern said confidently.

"Oh…I swear, if I wasn't on probation…I'd…" 

"Oh, give me a fucking minimal break, will you? My brother hangs out with Ace Merrill and Eyeball Chambers! Do you really think I'm scared of you? They've beat my ass so many times that it would take to much effort just to make me feel it! And besides, my brother hangs out with Ace Merrill and Eyeball Chambers! They may not like me, but I'm still related to one of the members, which means they'd kick your ass for kicking my ass! So why don't you tell me again what you'd do if you weren't on probation? I didn't quite catch that last part." Vern said, crossing his arms over his chest smugly.

"Fuck you" the ring leader said, walking away and motioning for the other to follow.

After they were gone, Gordie asked "Man, do they really got your back like that?" 

"Man, fuck no, they don't give a shit if I live or die! About all that me being a relative means is that if I did die, they might let him come to the funeral!" Vern exclaimed with a laugh.

"So all that was just bullshit?" Gordie asked.

"Yup"

"Out-fucking-standing Vern!" Gordie said with a clap on the back.

"Thanks!"

Chris watched from his spot, deciding that this was a good thing. Now that he didn't have to worry about protecting him, he didn't have to watch him all the time. Chris walked down the hall, feeling very much alone. 


	23. Dreams

Gordie was at his locker before school the next day, taking his books out when he felt somebody grab him by the neck of his filthy T-shirt and start dragging him away.

"What the Fuck!" shouted an outraged Gordie.

"Don't 'What the Fuck!' me! We gotta talk! Now!" he said, dragging him toward the bathroom.

"What the Fuck…………Vern?" Gordie asked in a shocked voice, realizing who it was.

"You bet your ass, now come on!" Vern said rushing toward the bathroom.

"What's going on?" Gordie asked once they were in the bathroom.

"Don't you think I should be the one asking that?" Vern asked.

"What are talking about?" Gordie asked, confused.

"Don't play dumb with me. You have been wearing that nasty, filthy shirt for three days! What's going on, Gordie?" Vern asked, looking him dead in the eye. 

"I don't know, I guess I've just been lazy." Gordie said lamely.

"Damn Gordie," Vern said slowly "Even I'm not that dumb! Now how about you tell me the truth?" 

"I don't know what you're talking about…alright, alright! I had a fight with my dad." Gordie said, mumbling the last part.

"Huh…what was that?" Vern asked, honestly not hearing

"I said I had a fight with my dad, okay?!" Gordie said louder.

"Aw, that sucks, been there, done that. But what does that have to do with your nasty shirt?" Vern asked, raising his eyebrows.

Gordie sighed, thinking that Chris would have understood automatically "I've been sleeping in the treehouse" Gordie said, looking down at the ground, hating to say the words aloud.

"Oh" Vern said, understanding. The two boys stood there in silence for a minute. Not knowing what to say. Both were used to moments like this, but not with each other, they had never had a very deep relationship. Gordie was just getting ready to say something to break the ice when he noticed what Vern was doing.

"Aw, man, what are you doing?" Gordie asked, shaking his head at Vern, who was pulling his shirt over his head.

"Don't even worry about it, man. I've got another one underneath. You might wanna wash your pits. Want me to go stand in front of the door?" Vern asked tossing the shirt at him and walking toward the door.

"Man, I can't do that." Gordie said, hoping Vern wouldn't agree. A clean shirt would be nice.

"Look, man, I know I used to be a fatass, but I've lost weight since then!" Vern said purposely missing the point.

"Vern…" Gordie started.

"Yeah?" he asked.

"Thanks" Gordie said, deciding not to make a bid deal out of it.

"No sweat, now hurry up and wash those pits so we can get out of here, I gotta go to my locker" Vern said, leaning up against the door.

Gordie shrugged out of his filthy shirt and tossed it into the trash. He rinsed his armpits, and chest, dried off, then shrugged into Vern's shirt. It was too short to tuck in and so loose in the neck that you could see both his collarbones. It felt great. Together, the boys walked to each others locker, then headed their separate ways to first period, neither saying anything about Gordie's dad or the treehouse. 

As Gordie was walking to his class, he thought about Chris and realized that, even if Vern wasn't anywhere near the same as Chris, and he wasn't exactly the brightest star in the sky, he was a good friend to have, and understood that there was a time for questions, and a time to keep quiet. Knowing this, and knowing that he should be grateful about Vern today, he still couldn't help thinking about Chris. How ironic was it that a person you never thought of as anything more than a clown turns out to be one of the best friends you have. And then, the person that you've always considered to be you're only link to sanity, your island in the middle of an ocean of craziness, decides that it's not worth the risk anymore, and just stops talking to you? As bad as it sounded, no matter how nice Vern was, Gordie jut wanted his island back.

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Chris stepped out of the stall once he was sure they were gone. When he had heard Gordie talking about his dad, he had been so angry, he had wanted to scream! Why was he talking to fucking Verno about it! Why not him?! Sure they weren't talking, but didn't he know that when it was something that serious, he could still come to him?! I mean, what the fuck! But then Chris realized that that's what not being friends was. It was not going to the other one when something happened. Chris was now thoroughly depressed. He had known this would happen, but hearing Gordie talking to someone else, getting comfort from someone else, it made it _real_. It was really happening. This wasn't some bad dream he was going to wake up from in a few minutes, it was his life now. And it was his fault. He had been the smart one who had decided that he should cut himself off from Gordie. Sometimes he really sucked.

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Gordie had just gotten out of his last period class and was heading out the door when he heard Vern.

"Hey! Gordie! Wait up!" he shouted, running up to him.

Gordie sighed and stopped, knowing what was coming.

"Hey Vern" he said.

"Hi Gordo! Where you heading?" Vern asked casually, giving him a significant look that told him he knew.

"You know where I'm going Vern" Gordie said.

"Yeah, I know. Listen, why don't you come over to my house for a couple of days? I mean, my parents are cool, they won't care. It's a school night but they won't care since we go to the same school and all." Vern said with a huge smile.

"Naw, thanks man, I'm cool" Gordie said, feeling awkward.

"No, Gordie" Vern said, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around to face him "you're not".

"Sincerely, Vern, I am" Gordie said with a fake chuckle.

"Gordie, would you stop with the pride for one second?" Vern asked "You're dirty, you're tired, you're hungry, you're stinky, and you're coming to my house."

"Vern, I'm fine" Gordie said, although he wasn't looking forward to the treehouse again.

"Okay, you keep saying that, like it matters. Why do you just automatically think it's about you?" Vern asked, trying a different approach. "Maybe I _want _you to come over, did you ever think about that? I mean, you've never spent the night at my house before, I thought it would be fun for you to spend a couple of days with me. But, if you don't like me, cause I'm not smart enough for you or something, I understand. That's okay, I could have Teddy come over, and I bet he'll even only hit me a few times since I'm upset now. See, he likes me." Vern said with a huge smile.

"Well, since you put it that way, Verno, how could I resist?" Gordie asked, and they continued walking, talking about nothing in particular, but still no Gordie's dad.

Chris stood in the backround, watching them with a bitter smile, and telling himself that he was happy Gordie had a friend that could offer him a safe place to sleep. But, in reality, it was just another bit of painful proof that Gordie was better off without him and he had made the right decision.

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That night, Gordie lay in Vern's big, comfy bed, wearing Vern big, warm, clean clothes, his stomach full with his mother's delicious dinner. All the makings of contentedness, feeling miserable. Missing Chris. Feeling the smooth solidness of Vern's body next to him only made him ache for the hard, roughness of Chris. That night, listening to the soft murmurs of Vern talking in his sleep, Gordie fell into dreams of better times between him and Chris.

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****

FORTY YEARS LATER

Gordie and Chris have made up. Chris simply realized one day that whatever might happen in the future, it wasn't worth losing whatever time he and Gordie had to prevent it. Because a minute with him was better than eternity without him. So, anyways, it is forty years later, the times have changed, gayness is now widely accepted. Oh, there are still plenty of people who don't approve of it, who found it disgusting. But it was nowhere near what it had been. They no longer had to hide like outlaws. They had a dog, both had good jobs. Hadn't seen their Dads in years. They never get sick of each other. They fight occasionally, but never anything worth worrying about. Chris has never once regretted his decision to take the chance on Gordie. They were happy. Right now, they are sitting on the front porch of their small house They are sitting side by side in matching rocking chairs they have had for twenty years, rocking back and forth, naturally in sync with each other. They both have large smiles on their faces and are talking good-naturedly about Chris' upcoming birthday.

"Uggh, another year goes by. Fifty-eight, Gordo, I'll be fifty-eight. I'm getting so old." Chris said, shaking his head.

"Yup, and somehow, you just keep getting smarter and better-looking" Gordie said, still amazingly corny.

"Gordie, you are so corny" Chris said, calling him on it.

"Yeah, but you love me anyways." Gordie said with a huge smile.

"Can't deny that" Chris said happily.

Suddenly, all of the things around them started to melt away, leaving only Chris and Gordie. Then Gordie started melting too, leaving Chris alone.

"No! Gordie! Come back!" Chris shouted.

Chris saw his face get older, more worn. He was now sitting by himself on the porch of his fathers house, a beer in his left hand, alone. A squirrel ran across his lawn.

Chris sprang out of his chair, "Get the fuck off my lawn! You no-good rotten little fucker. Get the fuck off! I'll shoot you! I swear I will!" Chris shouted gruffly.

Chris plopped back into the chair, muttering grumpily to himself about how glad he was he didn't have any animals. Suddenly, the paper boy drove by on his bike, tossing the paper onto Chris' lawn and peddling away before he had time to yell at him. Chris limped over to it and picked it up and started reading it, seeing an article about how Gordie Lachance: Husband, and father of two, had released another best-seller about a boy who got beat by his father and was hated by the whole town, but rose above it, called _Hidden Treasure_. Chris grunted and threw the paper in the trash, sitting back in his chair and mumbling about how he was glad he had never had kids. 

"Where is he!? Where is that little son of a whore?!?!" 

"Who?" Chris asked, being jerked awake by his fathers nearly incoherent ramblings.

"That little George bastard! Don't play dumb with me! I heard you say his name! Now where is he?" His father ran up to him and grabbed him by the collar "where is he?" his father asked, getting beer scented spit all over Chris face in the process.

"He's not here Dad! I swear he's not!" Chris said, unbelievably happy that he wasn't, not wanting to imagine what would have happened to him if he had been.

"You calling me a liar, boy? You prepared to back those words up?" his father asked threateningly, raising his fist.

"No! No, sir! I'm not calling you a liar! I wouldn't do that, sir! I must have been having a dream or something!" Chris said desperately.

"What you dreaming about him for? You turning into some kind of fag are you? I'm not gonna have to beat you straight, am I?" his father asked ominously.

"No, sir! I'm not gay! It's just that…well…we've been fighting…it must have been about that, sir!" Chris said, clenching his eyes shut and waiting for the dreaded feeling of knuckles connecting with bone.

"Y-Y-Y-Yes sir, r-r-r-right away sir, n-n-no sir! Always knew you were a pussy! You can stop flinching like I'm gonna shoot you! I wouldn't hit you! You're not worth it! I wouldn't spit on you if you were on fire!" his dad said, tossing him back onto the bed.

"Yes sir" Chris said quietly. He laid there for some time afterward before he started thinking. When he did, his head was immediately filled with thoughts of the dream. The dream had succeeded in scaring the hell out of Chris. He did not want that second part of the dream to come true. He didn't want Gordie to move on, to find someone else. He didn't need to. He had him. He was still scared, but he decided that any future with Gordie was better than a future without him. He went to the phone and picked it up. Knowing that once he heard what he had to say, Gordie wouldn't care less what time it was. He had dialed half the numbers when he remember that Gordie wasn't home…he was at Vern's house. Oh yeah. Chris hung up the phone and slowly headed back to his bed, more devastated than he had been in days. 


	24. Hanging With Teddy

Gordie closed his locker drearily, his day had been just as bad as his night had been. Chris had been acting weird today. The silence, he could handle…Chris went on silent pitches a lot, especially when shit happened with his dad. He could even almost handle the indifference, the feeling that Chris didn't even remembered that he existed, much less had any kind of feelings toward him. But today, no, today, he had been different, strained, so to say. His back had been rigid, and he had been eerily quiet…even for him. And once, Gordie had even caught him looking at him! Chris was obviously upset about this whole ordeal, so why didn't he talk to him?! It's not like this was what Gordie wanted! It never had been! Chris had been the one who had suddenly decided he knew what was best for Gordie! If he wasn't happy with the situation either, then why didn't he do something about it? If Gordie was miserable, and Chris was miserable too, then what was the point of all this? Ugghh! Sometimes Chris could be so…!

"Hi there, Gordie!" Gordie heard Vern's familiar voice say, as he punched him in the shoulder.

"Hey, Vern. What's up?" Gordie asked, not at all in the mood for conversation.

"Not a whole hell of a lot. I was gonna go over to Teddy's in a couple of hours, wanna come?" Vern asked.

"Eh, not really." Gordie said honestly.

"Aw, why not man?" Vern asked, disappointed.

"I just don't feel like getting out."

"Man, I know you're upset about you're old man and all, but what you don't understand is that that's all the more reason to come! It'll be great! Teddy may not be the brightest crayon in the box, but he's always great for a laugh!" Vern persuaded.

Gordie looked doubtful.

"Guaranteed to take you're mind off your problems, at least for a little while! Come on, it'll be fun!" Vern said with a huge smile.

"Man…I don't know" Gordie said, still not convinced.

"What else are you gonna do?" Vern asked, lifting one eyebrow.

"Alright, sure, fine, whatever." Gordie said, not sounding to excited.

"Gee, try not to piss yourself in anticipation" Vern said, rolling his eyes.

Gordie responded by pushing Vern's shoulder. With an "it'll be fun" he walked down the hall and out the door, waving behind him.

---------------------------------------------

"Hi guys." Teddy said, moving to let Vern and Gordie in the door.

"Hiya Teddy." Vern said with a wave of his hand.

"Hello" was all the downhearted Gordie said.

"Where's Chris at?" Teddy asked curiously.

"I asked him if he wanted to come, but the pussy said he had too much homework" Vern explained.

"Wimp!" Teddy exclaimed.

"I know it!" Vern replied with a laugh.

Gordie sat down.

"Well, girls, the parents are gone for the night. I've got the cards, I've got the cigarettes, and, most importantly, I've got the beer!" Teddy said excitedly.

"All right! Looks like we're all set!" Vern exclaimed, taking his seat.

"Yup. What game's first?" Teddy asked.

"How bout poker?" Vern suggested.

"That's cool. Whaddaya say, Gordo?" Teddy asked.

Gordie shrugged.

"Gee, why is he in such a chipper mood?" Teddy asked, his brow crinkling in a worried frown.

"He had it out with his old man a few days ago," Vern said in explanation.

"Yeah, that sucks. What happened?" Teddy questioned.

Gordie made no response.

"Gordo? Hello Gordo. Earth to Gordie." Teddy said, waving his hand in front of Gordie's face with a laugh.

"Huh?" Gordie asked, snapping out of it.

"I asked you what happened with your Dad." Teddy explained, raising his eyebrows at Vern in a slightly worried expression. Vern shrugged, showing that he understood.

"Oh, you know, just you're typical. I'm not Denny" Gordie said, realizing the irony of his lie and missing Chris all the more. He would have been able to tell him the truth.

"Aw, that sucks" Teddy took a swig from his beer. "Want one?" he offered.

"No, thanks, man, I don't drink." Gordie said, and felt a pang, he didn't drink because of Chris.

"Shit, man, you've never had a beer before?" Vern asked, shocked.

"No way, man. That shit's nasty." Was Gordie's response.

"You gotta be shitting me! Alright, well this will be your first" Teddy said offering a beer to him.

"No thanks man, I'm cool." Gordie declined.

"Come on, don't be a pussy, it's just one beer, it won't get you drunk or anything." Teddy persuaded.

"No, seriously, I don't want one." Gordie said with more force.

"Gordie, look man, just have one, and if you don't like it, I'll leave you alone. You're not going to get hooked in one night, I promise you." Teddy said, raising his eyebrows.

"Teddy, man, let it go." Gordie said forcefully.

"It'll make you feel better about you're Dad" Vern suddenly put in. Teddy nodded his head.

"Really?" Gordie asked doubtfully.

"Sincerely, man. But I personally don't care if you drink or not. It's no skin off my neck." Vern said with a shrug.

"Well, I guess one can't hurt" Gordie reasoned.

"Yeah" Teddy said enthusiastically.

"Alright, then" Gordie said, taking the bottle Teddy held out too him. Fuck Chris. If he cared too damn much about Gordie's welfare, he'd be here. Gordie twisted the cap off and took a swig. He flinched at the slight burning sensation as it went down his throat, then smiled at the warm sensation when it hit his gut. This stuff wasn't half bad, he decided.

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Several hours and beers later, Gordie tossed down his cards and stood up suddenly.

"Where you going, shit heap?" Vern asked as a very drunk Gordie hiccupped, stumbled, and plopped back into his chair.

"Home. I'm sleepy man" Gordie said in explanation.

"But I thought you were fighting with your Dad" Teddy said, confused.

"Oh, him. He don't even know I exist, you think he still remembers that fight?" Gordie asked skeptically.

"Whatever, man, that's cool, take care of yourself." Vern said to Gordie's back.

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Gordie stumbled down the street, not quite sure where he was, but not caring. Man, this whole being drunk thing was awesome. He knew he was supposed to be upset about something, but he couldn't remember what it had been. He suddenly stopped walking, wondering where he was. He recognized the houses, but none of them were his. He was about to turn around and head the other way when he realized the people inside the house he was in front of were fighting. He turned in time to see Chris step onto the porch and slam the door shut behind him.

"Chris, is that you?" Gordie asked stupidly.

Chris jumped back, surprised, "Gordie? What are you doing here." he asked, squinting to see him in the dark.

"You know, I don't quite know. I was walking home, and then somehow, all of a sudden, I was here instead" Gordie said with a laugh, scratching his head "You think it's fate?"

"Gordie? Are you drunk?" Chris asked incredulously.

"No Chris, I'm just incredibly happy. You wouldn't believe how great my month's been. I swear, every night is a party" Gordie's voice dripped with sarcasm, all euphoria gone.

"I can't believe you got fucking drunk, Gordie! You, of all people! I can't believe you would do something that idiotic! I thought you were smarter than that! After all…" Chris was cut of by Gordie's bitter voice.

"Why the _fuck_ are you trying to act like you give a fuck, Chambers? You don't give a fuck about me! I know that by now! I may have been a little slow to it, but you got your point through loud and clear. Not even you're desperate enough to need my friendship. Well, fuck you too, then! What I don't get, is why, if that's the way it was, did you try to act, not only like you did like me, but like you felt more than friendship for me? What was that? Like, the ultimate pity or something? Well, you know what, fuck you Chambers! I don't need yours or anyone else's pity! I'd rather die a bitter old man than to be with someone who doesn't want to be with me." Gordie was silent for a second, seeming to be in deep thought, when he finally spoke, it was in a soft, almost inaudible voice. "Damn…and you couldn't even fake it could you? I'm so fucking repulsive, that even you, who I guess felt like you owed me something or some shit for me _sacrificing_ myself for you, couldn't even pretend to have feelings for me. Damn." Another minute or two of silence, "You must think I'm pretty damn pathetic, huh? You feel bad for me, and try to do me a _favor_, and you end up with a fucking pussy-ass little crybaby lapdog sitting here crying, drunk as all hell."

"Gordie……that's not how it was" was all Chris could think too say, his brain was tingling from all of this shocking new information.

"Then what? Were you sick of me and figured if you made me think you were gay, I'd freak out and run away? Figured I'd be freaked out enough that I'd drop you, but I'd still be pathetic enough to where I'd never tell anyone, that way you get rid of me without any long, drawn out drama? But you plan backfired, huh? You weren't counting on me turning out to be a flaming faggot and falling in love with you, were you? Yeah, now that I think about it, that does make more sense" Gordie said sadly.

"Gordie…" Chris said desperately.

"Don't worry, it's not like I'm going to tell anybody." Gordie said with a self-mocking half-smile.

"Gordie…" Chris began again.

"No. Don't say anything. You don't have to explain. That would probably just make it worse. I'll be okay. If you even care. Damn, I'm a pussy" Gordie said, shaking his head in self-hatred.

"Gordie…"Chris tried once again, his throat thick with emotion. He was glad Gordie couldn't see his face.

"Just…tell me one thing. When we kissed. How did you do it? Did you have to imagine some girl or something? Cuzz it felt real. Probably all in my head, huh?" Gordie voice was thick and filled with despair.

"Gordie, I think I need to explain." Chris said, feeling his chest squeeze painfully at the hurt in Gordie's voice. All he ever seemed to do was hurt him.

"No!" Gordie shouted, his voice breaking, "Don't. I know it's pathetic, but I don't think I can handle it. I know I asked, but I can't know. Just…tell me one thing okay. I have to know, did it completely disgust you?" Gordie asked, squeezing his eyes shut and bracing himself for more pain.

"No Gordie, it didn't disgust me at all." Chris said immediately and absolutely.

"I'm so dumb. Why did I even ask. Its not like you would tell me. Nobody kicks a dog when it's down."

"No, Gordie, I would _never_ lie, not to you. If I didn't want you to know, I just wouldn't answer, or I'd try to change the subject or something. I wouldn't blatantly lie to you. Not you." Chris said, now wishing he could see Gordie's face.

"Yeah, I'm the most important thing in the world to you. That explains why you could completely cut me off without any problem. Makes sense." Gordie said in a voice that now depicted no emotion.

"Gordie, no" Chris said forcefully.

"Chris, please, don't. I can't. I just can't do this anymore. It hurts too much. I'm sorry about this. I really didn't mean to come here. I'm not stalking you or anything quite that pathetic. I just kind of…ended up here. Somehow, I always seem to. Sorry." Without another word, Gordie turned around and walked away.

Chris called his name a couple of times, terrified that Gordie thought all those things. Terrified that he had been so upset he had gotten drunk. Terrified that he would turn around and come back.


	25. Trying

Gordie covered his throbbing eyes with his hands and turned over in his bed, trying to get away from the blinding sun, thinking that he would never touch alcohol again as long as he lived. That is, if he lived passed today. Chris may be an asshole, but he was right about alcohol, there was nothing good about it. Chris! Suddenly, the night before flashed painfully through Gordie's head. Oh, jeez, Chris! If school had been awkward before, it would be unbearable now! Gordie thanked his lucky stars that it was Saturday and pulled the covers over his head, going back to sleep.

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Chris jerked awake from the same dream he had been having for weeks, covered in sweat. Well, it wasn't always the exact same dream. But it always centered around the same subject…Gordie. Sometimes his dream was about how happy he would be with him. Sometimes it was about how unhappy Gordie would be. Sometimes it was about life without Gordie. But most of the time, like this one, it was about Gordie being taken away from him, and never in a happy way…those were definitely the worst.

In this one, he and Gordie had been watching T.V. together. It had been a very simple thing, but Chris had been so happy; both in the dream and the one laying in bed. It was so nice, seeing himself being normal with Gordie again. They were so comfortable, so relaxed, so…them. Suddenly, the T.V. was gone and they were surrounded by people…teachers, Teddy, Vern, Eyeball, preps, snobs, everyone was there. They all started shouting things, like; fag, Chambers, loser, hopeless, failure, pussy, and fag. The dream Chris started to panic, but Gordie just sat there, staring at where the T.V. had been, laughing now and then, completely oblivious. They started crowding in around them and Chris felt his breathing quicken, Gordie tapped his shoulder and pointed where the T.V. had been and laughed, chewing on popcorn. Chris looked at him watching T.V. and smiled, he brushed the hair out of his eyes, causing Gordie to turn his head and smile this huge smile, his eyes glowing with happiness, he grabbed Chris' hand and rested their interlaced hands on his thigh, looking back toward the T.V. that wasn't there. Chris kissed Gordie's temple, Gordie sighed happily and rested his head on Chris' shoulder. Chris hesitated, then saw the faces of the trio in the huge crowd and pulled his hand away and stood up. Gordie looked up, confused, Chris saw him mouth something to him. Seeing the confused, innocent look on Gordie's face, Chris took a step toward the couch, then looked up and saw his dad. Suddenly, he was naked, covered in bruises and cuts. He heard everyone laughing, then looked at Gordie, who stood up and opened his arms, as though to hug him, not even noticing the marks on his body. Chris again took a step toward him, then Teddy and Vern grabbed Gordie's shoulders and jerked him back, disgusted looks on their faces as they stepped in front of Gordie, blocking him off. Chris' shoulders slumped in defeat, he turned and started walking away, the crowd started clapping, and right before Chris woke up, he looked back and saw Gordie standing behind Teddy and Vern, smiling with his arms open for a hug.

Chris shook his head, thinking about the night before. He couldn't believe Gordie had been so upset that he had gotten drunk! Gordie never drank! Then Chris realized something, Gordie had never drank because of him. Now that he felt like Chris didn't care, he didn't have any reason not to drink. "Damn!" Chris said, thinking about what Gordie had said the night before. He had never wanted to hurt him…that was what he had been trying to prevent, as a matter of fact. He had known that there would be some pain involved, but he had always just assumed that it would be less in the long run. Last night, Gordie hadn't sounded to concerned about the long run.

Gordie didn't seem to care at all about what other people thought. All that seemed to matter to him was that he was happy. Chris was certainly used to people hating him. If he was going to be hated, why not be hated for something you actually do, especially if its something you want. It really did seem pointless, he was miserable, Gordie was miserable, he had obviously been wrong in thinking that he was doing Gordie a favor. Chris decided that whatever a future with Gordie might bring, it had to be better than a life without him.

---------------------------------------------

Gordie was lying in his bed, peacefully wishing for death, when someone rudely started pounding on his roof. Gordie grabbed his head and dived under his pillow, damning whoever the asshole was. After a few minutes he realized that the noise was coming from his window. He forced himself to roll out of bed and walk over to it. Without opening his eyes, he opened the window, then opened his eyes, expecting to see Vern's friendly face. Instead, he was shocked to see Chris'.

"Holy Fuck!" Gordie said, slamming the window shut.

"Gordie, don't run off, we need to talk" said Chris as he climbed through the window.

"How the fuck did you get in here? I closed the window." Gordie asked, his arm thrown over his stinging eyes.

"I know you too well for your own good" Chris said confidently, tossing the stick he had used onto Gordie's belly.

"You're in a good mood" Gordie said grumpily, sitting up, tossing the stick on the grounds, resting his head against the wall, and looking at Chris.

"Yes, yes I am" Chris said, feeling better than he had in months.

"Yeah, I guess you're feeling real good about yourself, huh? Even after you treat me like shit all this time, I still come crawling like a little dog. I bet you feel utterly irresistible," Gordie said bitterly.

"I have to say it was a bit of a wake-up call, not to mention the relief. This would be pretty awkward if you had gone and gotten over me." Chris said with a huge smile, coming over and sitting next to Gordie.

"Oh, gee, and I wouldn't want to make this hard for _you_, would I?" said a very sarcastic Gordie.

"I would hope you haven't gotten so bitter that you would _want _for my life to be more difficult for me, you of all people." Chris said, looking Gordie right in the eye. "But as for hard, I don't think there's much you can do to prevent that." he whispered, lifting his eyebrows playfully. "But I know how you can help."

"Chris!" Gordie said, jumping off the bed, completely shocked.

"Oh, now see, that's not at all what I was thinking of." Chris said, shaking his head "But, hey, if you prefer standing up, I'm all for it." Chris said standing up.

"Chris!" Gordie shouted again, jumping back in shock.

"You really shouldn't shout with that hangover. I hear they really hurt. I'm sorry you had to go through all this because of me. But it'll be better now, just wait." Chris said, hugging Gordie to him. "I _promise_ I'll make it up to you" he whispered into his ear, kissing his jawbone softly.

A shiver ran down Gordie's spine. He jumped back once again "What the fuck, Chris! You don't say more than a word at a time to me for months and then all of a sudden, you're all over me! What the fuck?"

"I changed my mind, saw the light, so to say. Why does it matter why I want to be with you? Isn't the important thing that I do?" Chris asked, stroking Gordie's cheek.

For a second Gordie closed his eyes and simply enjoyed the caress, leaning into it. "No" he said determinedly, pushing Chris' hand away.

"No?" Chris asked, all playfullness gone from his voice.

"No. A couple of months ago, yeah, if you had just suddenly changed your mind, I probably would have shit a brick and jumped at the chance. But not now, not after all this time." Gordie said

"What-what do you mean?" Chris asked, feeling a lump rise in his throat.

"What do I mean? What's wrong, Chris, not used to being the one who gets rejected?" at the look on Chris' face at that, Gordie immediately regretted his words "Look, Chris, I'm sorry, that was unnecessary. And untrue…this isn't exactly a pleasurable experience for me either. It's not like I want to have to say no to you."

"Then don't" Chris said simply, a flare of hope sparking in his eyes.

"It's not something I want to do, Chris, but I can't risk it. I can't risk being hurt by you again. I'm tired of the way you play with my emotions. _You_ were the one who told _me_ that you had feelings for me. And then, you let me realize that I'm in love with you then tell me that you not only don't want to be with me, you can't be my friend either. And then, you waltz in here and start hitting on me like it's just suddenly all going to be okay?. It's like you don't even think of me as a _person_, much less a man, like I don't have any ego, feeling, heart, or anything like that. Like you can just play with me and I'll just keep coming back." Gordie said in a rush.

"No, Gordie, it's not like that at all. I know you have feelings, I just thought that the one's you had for me were important enough to you that you would at least give me a chance. And I know you have a heart, I just thought that I had a place in it and didn't think that you'd be able to shut yourself off from it. I thought that you would give me the benefit of the doubt and at least _try_ to understand that I thought I was helping you. And as for your ego, I never saw you as the type to let your ego get in the way of your feelings."

"First off, if this was just my ego, I could get over it. You have to know that you're more important than my pride. You're the most important thing in my life. And it's not that I don't want to give you another chance, it's not like I'm not _dying_ to just walk over to you, take you into my arms, and just pretend like none of this ever happened. I wish I could Chris, I do. But I _can't_. I just can't. I can't get happy and comfortable with you again just to have you decide that I'll be better off without you. Who the_ hell _are you to decide what's best for me? Did you ever think to ask me what _I_ wanted? Did you ever stop to consider the fact that I would rather be old, ugly, homeless, and hated with you, then rich, famous, and the most handsome man in the world without you, because as long as I don't have you, I won't be happy no matter what else I do have. I _love_ you, Chris. Do you even understand what that means? I _love_ you. I don't _love _anyone. Not even Denny. You seem to think that I just hand my love out to anyone or something and it's not a big deal. I told you that I was fucking _in love_ with you, and you have the nerve to decide that I'd be better off without you! Where the fuck do you get the right??"

"Gordie…just let me explain" Chris started.

"No, don't even try. Just go home. Go the fuck home." Gordie said pointing to the window.

"But, Gordie, you don't understand. Don't you see? I love you too! I'm in love with you. I want to be with you. I'm sorry it took me so long, but now I _know_, I'm in love with you Gordie." Chris walked over to Gordie and took his hand "Gordie, I want to spend the rest of my life with you. That's where I get the right, but I do admit that I was wrong. I was so wrong, and I never want to be away from you again."

"Why Chris, why do you do this to me? Why won't you just go? If you care about me like you say you do, then leave, and make this easier for both of us."

"But, Gordie, I'm sorry." Chris pleaded desperately.

"Me too" Gordie said sadly. "Now please, just go" Gordie said, sounding a bit desperate himself.

"But I don't want to lose you Gordie" Chris said, his voice breaking in the middle.

"Don't you understand by now, Chris, you never will. Not really. I'll always be here if you need me. Because I'll always love you. But I can't be with you. It just hurts too much. I'm sorry. Now please…just go home."

"But" Chris said, feeling his heart sinking, realizing there was no hope.

"Please…for me?" Gordie said, looking Chris right in the eye.

"Alright, but this isn't over. Not by a long shot."

Title tricked ya didn't it? I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter…the dream seems pretty stupid to me, but whatever. Tell me what you think. Your reviews really inspire me. Im sorry this update took forever, my computer has been messing up, I promise the next one w/in the next week or so.


	26. Mending Broken Wings

****

A/N: Okay, sorry this one took so long to update, I really did have every intention of having it up within a week or so of the last one, but I lost my disk!! After numerous panic attacks and strokes, I found it, so here it is. Feedback is highly appreciated!! I really don't like this chapter very much, I went through it quite a few times, and this is as good as its going to gets. Oh well, here it is. Hope you enjoy!! ::bites fingernails as I wait for replies::

Gordie walked into the school building, dreading the day ahead. He had considered staying home, but he had a test he couldn't miss. And besides, he had to deal with Chris sooner or later. As he walked to his locker, he saw Chris leaning against the wall like he always did, talking to _Brigit_! As he passed them, Chris saw him and waved, a huge smile on his face. Well, obviously, he wasn't going to let this go easily. Shit. This was worse than when he had thought Chris hated him. At least then he hadn't had to resist Chris when every time he saw him all he wanted to do was hold him and forget everything over the past months. Gordie walked up to his locker and was getting the books for his first class out when he felt a hand squeeze his shoulder. He immediately tensed up and turned around, bracing himself to deal with whatever Chris had to say.

"Man, you look like shit!"

"Oh! Vern, hi" Gordie said, relief flooding through him.

"Who'd you think it would be?" Vern asked with a huge grin.

"Nobody, you just startled me" Gordie lied through his teeth.

"Wanna do something after school?" Vern asked the back of Gordie's head.

"Sure" Gordie replied nonchalantly.

"Hey, girls, how's it going?" Chris asked, walking up to Vern and Gordie as they started down the hall and putting an arm around each of their shoulders.

"Hi Chris! Wow, man, I haven't seen you in forever! Gordie, me, and possibly Teddy are gonna hang out after school. Wanna come?" Vern's open and friendly voice asked.

"Sure what are we doing?" Chris asked casually, his heart speeding up a fraction at the thought of hanging out with Gordie, even if it was just as friends and around other people. Chris would take what he could get.

"Well, I was thinking we could go--"

"I can't come" Gordie cut in suddenly.

"Huh? But you just said you could" said a very confused Vern who didn't miss the sudden sagging of Chris' body next to him. Something was going on.

"Yeah…well…sorry…see, I just remembered I have this thing I have to do after school." Gordie said lamely.

"What kind of thing?" Vern asked, as Chris sighed.

"Well…my dad's been real pissed lately, and I think I should probably just stay home tonight, plus I have a ton of homework." Gordie said quickly.

"Well, you could call Chris when you get done with your homework and then we could all come over to your house" Vern concluded.

"Naw, that would probably piss him off worse than me not being there. Don't worry about it, you guys hang out, it's cool." Gordie said as the warning bell rang.

"Well, if you're sure…" Vern said to Gordie's retreating back. "You're still coming, right Chris?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever" Chris said distractedly, watching Gordie's retreating form.

Vern just stood there and stared at Chris. He was kind of surprised that he was still coming. He had thought that if Gordie wasn't going to be there, Chris would lose interest. That's how it was most of the time these days, Chris and Gordie, and him and Teddy. Then he noticed that Chris was still staring blankly at the spot that Gordie had just occupied. Okay, something was definitely up.

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Gordie walked into Science class, exhausted and ready for the day to be over. He was tired of having to see Chris' smiling face and having to walk away from his cheerfulness. This really wasn't fucking fair. He sat down in the seat he had gotten into the habit of sitting in. Not even thinking about it, he got his book out and started working on the assignment on the board. He was so busy trying to find a particularly hard question that he didn't even notice Chris sit down in front of him until he turned the book sideways and turned back a couple of pages and turned it back to face Gordie.

"It's somewhere in this paragraph" Chris said helpfully with a huge grin.

"Thanks" Gordie said meekly, not looking away from the book.

Chris sighed "Gordie, I really am sorry. I know I screwed up. I know I don't deserve another chance, or you, for that matter, but I'm still asking for one, for you. Because I've realized that, regardless of what I do or don't deserve, I can't survive this fucked up world without you. Because, corny as it might sound, you're what keeps me sane. You always know how to help when I'm upset. When I need to just not think about it, you always know, and you can always make me laugh, even when I don't want to. And then, when I'm ready to talk, you always know, and you're right there waiting to listen. I _need _you. I love you Gordie. I'm _in_ love with you. I know it doesn't mean much now, but I didn't just realize this and I'm NOT just saying this to get into your pants. You HAVE to know that. Not that I don't want to" Chris said suggestively with a raise of his eyebrows. "Sorry, sorry, shouldn't have said that last bit. But seriously, you have to realize that I've always loved you, heck, I probably loved you before I even realized what love was……no response? That's okay, I didn't expect you to just automatically forgive me, but I'm willing to wait however long I have to. I may be an asshole, but I'm your asshole, and you're stuck with me, so you might as well get used to the idea. I'm not going to give up." Chris said with conviction, then pushed the hair off of Gordie's face so he could see his eyes, not caring who saw, or what they would make of it. "I love your hair" Chris said, running his fingers through it a couple of times, with that, he turned around and got to work, not saying another word to Gordie the rest of the period.

Gordie looked at the back of Chris' head, trying to breath past the lump in his throat. He hated this. Part of him wished that he had never found out about Chris' feelings for him and that everything was back to normal. But the other part of him, the part he didn't like right now, knew that whether or not he had found out about Chris' feelings for him, he would have realized his own feelings, and that no matter what, something had been bound to happen eventually. And besides, he wouldn't trade that short period of happiness for anything. Gordie looked up at the clock and watched the minutes drag by, the assignment forgotten.

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Gordie trudged up to his locker, glad the day was finally over. Now he only had four more to get through! Joy! Gordie opened his locker with a deep scowl on his face. A piece of paper fell out and he impatiently picked it up, thinking it was an old worksheet or something. He was about to stuff it into his locker unceremoniously when he noticed the writing on it…it was Chris'. Gordie slowly opened it, bracing himself.

Dearest Gordie,

I know you don't want to talk to me right now, so I didn't even bother to try to say this in person. I'm not going to give up, no matter how hard you try to push me away. You never gave up on me, and I'm not going to give up on us. I can't. We've been through so much that I hope there's at least some tiny piece of you that still wants this, and I figure if I bug you enough, maybe that piece of you will convince the rest of you to give me another chance. I know I've screwed up really bad and that I hurt you But I love you.

Yours truly (seriously),

CC

P.S. Jeez, do you see how corny you make me? I sound like one of those saps in the movies.

Gordie read the last bit through a haze of tears. Damn him! Why did he have to make this so hard!! Gordie slammed his locker shut and slid down the wall, pulled his knees up to his chest so that he could have a good cry, but there weren't any tears left.

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When Gordie got home that night, it was dark outside, he had done a lot of walking and thinking that night. He trudged up the steps to his porch, opened the front door and walked to his room. He opened the door and dropped his backpack on the floor and walked over to his bed. Not bothering with the light, he shucked off his pants, and plopped onto his bed only to encounter a warm solid body underneath him. Gordie jumped up in shock, and, knowing who it was, walked over and turned on the light.

"I wondered when you would get home" Chris said casually, sitting up in the bed and patting the space next him, motioning Gordie to sit.

"How did you get in here?" Gordie asked, confused.

"Easy, you don't lock you're door so I just got here before your dad got home. I don't think your mom notices much of anything anymore. When I got here Rici was screaming at the top of her lungs and she hadn't even noticed. I went in there and it turned out she had a dirty diaper, so I changed it and all was well in the world of Rici again."

"Damn…I should have been here" Gordie said, feeling guilty "I'm gonna go check on her real quick" with that, he left.

Chris just sat there, knowing that if Mr. Lachance saw him, it would be bad. A few minutes later, Gordie returned. Chris sighed with relief, he hadn't been sure he wouldn't just leave again.

Gordie sat down in his desk chair and looked over at Chris, not saying anything.

"Gordie…" Chris began.

"Why?" Gordie asked suddenly.

"Why?" Chris repeated dumbly.

"Yeah. Why? Why are you doing this Chris? Why are you putting us through this? Why? Do you just enjoy pain?" Gordie asked.

"Of course not, but that's all I feel when I'm not around you, so I'm just trying to do something about it. I hate this. I love you so much…"

"I know you do" Gordie responded.

'You do?" Chris asked, hope flaring in his eyes.

"Yeah, I do. It'd be kind of hard not to." Gordie said with a sad half smile.

"Well, then what's the problem?" Chris asked, a huge smile on his face as he stood up and started walking toward him.

"Because…" Gordie paused as he tried to think of the right words "…you said you've always loved me, right?"

"Always" Chris said without hesitation.

"Well, that means that you were in love with me when you did all of this, so how can I know that you won't do it again. Convince yourself that you're not good enough for me? That I'd be better off without you? Don't you understand? I can't risk that! I just can't! I'm sorry, I wish I was braver and could, but it just hurts too much." Gordie said, barely audible by the end.

Chris moved to kneel between Gordie's knees. "But that's the thing, Gordie, I've never felt good enough for you. I've always felt like I dragged you down with me. But I realized something the other night that I never realized before. You love me. And I love you. And no matter how much I may be bringing you down, it doesn't matter. Because, whatever life you would have with me, you'd rather have that life that whatever you might have without me. And damnit Gordie, I want it too. I may be a selfish bastard for it, but all the same, I want it. And I also realized that you were right, I'm not my dad! And I never will be! Because I want to be something more, and if I'm with you, then I can make it happen. My dad didn't have this. He may have loved my mom at some point, but he never had _this_. This soul-scorching, gut-clenching intensity. This absolute positivity that you found the one you're supposed to be with, the one you were _meant_ to be with. Because you wouldn't just be my lover or my boyfriend. You're my best friend, my brother, my common sense, my caretaker, my other half, my _soul mate. _ You know, I never knew what that meant. Soul mate. I always thought it sounded so dumb and corny. But now I understand, because it's as if our souls were made to be together. Gordie, I love you so much that it's like a physical ache when I'm not around you, and I feel like an empty shell when you're mad at me. I love everything about you. I love the way your hair falls into you're eyes, I love the way you look so innocent but you're so completely not. I love the way when you listen to someone, it's as if the entire world stops existing for a few minutes, and all that exists it the other person. I love the way you can make everything bad in the world disappear with a smile. I love the way you blush whenever you're embarrassed. I love the way you'll make friends with anyone interested, no matter what they're like, but at the same time you don't give a fuck what anyone thinks about you. I love the way you take the weight of all of your problems and anyone else's who needs it. You're stronger than anyone I know. I love the way you can tell you're dad to fuck off. I love that even after everything he's done to you, you still love him and if he needed you, you'd still be there. I love that all of your kisses feel like the first. In short, I love your body…" Chris looked him up and down suggestively. "your mind," Chris kissed his temple gently, "and your soul" Chris placed his had over Gordie's heart. "I can't promise that I'll never fuck up again, but I swear to you Gordie, that I will, never, ever, intentionally hurt you again. Because, even if I did think I was doing what was best for you, I did know that it would hurt both of us. I just thought it would be better in the long run. I'm sorry. Please take me back"

"Do you mean it?" Gordie asked, looking torn.

"Every single word" Chris said with feeling.

Gordie just sat there for a minute, still looking torn. Chris began to worry that he was going to tell him to leave. He stiffened his back, waiting. Suddenly, Gordie collapsed onto him, as if breaking through some barrier and landing on him. Chris was so caught off guard that Gordie's slight weight knocked him backward, so that Gordie was laying on top of him. Gordie put his arms around him and rested his head on Chris' chest, relaxing. Chris wrapped his arms around Gordie, holding him tight and thanking the lord for bringing Gordie back to him. They lay there like that for a few minutes, content to just lie in each others embrace. Chris kissed the top of Gordie's head, causing him to look up. Chris looked into his eyes and saw so much pure joy there that he felt like he could fly. Gordie slowly leaned up and softly kissed Chris on the lips. It was a quick, soft kiss, but it was enough to send lightning throughout Chris' entire body and make him feel as though his heart would explode with happiness. Gordie slipped his hand under Chris' shirt and slipped his hand up his belly and firm chest to rest on his heart. He noticed Chris shudder and smiled softly.

"Your heart's beating so fast" Gordie said in amazement.

"Yeah, its got a lot of work to do. It just started working again." Chris said softly.

Gordie looked at him and smiled, giving him another, deeper kiss. He gently nipped at Chris' lower lip and Chris immediately opened his mouth to give him access. Gordie simply played with his lips for a few seconds, teasing him. When Chris groaned softly, Gordie slipped his tongue into his mouth and rubbed it against his tongue for just a few seconds before pulling out, placing a heartbreakingly tender kiss in his cheek and laying his head back down on his chest.

"Don't ever leave me again" he said softly.

"Never"

A/N: I know! I know!! There must be a tree over here somewhere, b/c I'm drowning in sap! But what can I say?? It had to be sappy! It's the getting-back-together chapter! You know you still love me!!! Btw, this is NOT the end of the story, I still have a couple of things that need doing. :P


	27. Naughty Boys

Gordie climbed up the ladder into the tree house, figuring it would be a good place to be alone. He needed some time to think. It wasn't that he wasn't happy about what had happened with Chris…just the opposite, in fact. He was ecstatic! But he was nervous too. Wouldn't it be kinda weird at school now? Sure, it hadn't been weird before, but they hadn't had all this new emotion then. Not that it was bad, just…new. Gordie opened the trap door and felt his heart jump into his throat and his stomach do a flip-flop, from both excitement and nervousness.

"Hi Chris" Gordie said a bit shyly.

"Gordie!" Chris exclaimed when he turned around and saw the object of his thoughts standing before him. He ran over and gave him a happy peck on the mouth.

"Um…hi" Gordie repeated a little lamely, not quite used to this kind of greeting. He hadn't done that before.

"I was just thinking about you" Chris said honestly.

"You just saw me" Gordie said with a chuckle.

"Hence me thinking of you, smart one" Chris said with a huge grin to show that he was only joking.

"Shut-up. You're such a jerk" Gordie said without conviction. He was glad that they could still joke around like that.

"So…seriously, whatcha doing up here?" Gordie asked "Nothing happened with your Dad did it?" Gordie said, sounding a bit protective.

"Naw, calm down Gordo" Chris said affectionately. "Nothing that serious, I just wanted to think." Chris said walking over to the window and looking out it.

"Yeah, me too. What are you thinking about?" Gordie asked.

"Just stuff, you know…you…me…us…school. You?"

"Pretty much the same. Rici's getting really big isn't she?" Gordie said trying to think of something to talk about.

"Yeah, she is. I remember when my brother was that small. Dad loved him so much. He didn't even mind changing his diaper" Chris said with a faraway look on his face.

"Huh?" Gordie asked dumbly. This was all new to him.

"Yeah. He didn't always used to be like this Gordie. That's probably the worst part is that I can remember when he was normal. He was great…took us to the park and everything, then one day, he just…became someone else. I can hardly remember him the way he used to be anymore. I'll tell you this much though…once he changed, they didn't have any more kids. At least that's something," Chris said with an ironic lift of his eyebrows.

"Aw, Chris, you can't do this to yourself man" Gordie said with a deep sigh.

"What do you mean?" Chris said a little defensively.

"Now don't get all upset, all I mean is that you can't dwell on stuff like that." Gordie said quickly.

"Well I am so fucking sorry if I'm bothering you with my stupid fucking petty problems. I'll be sure not to mention them again if it's such a burden." Chris said bitterly "Fuck this" he said, walking away.

"Chris! Stop it! You are not going to do this AGAIN!"

"Man, fuck you." Chris said darkly.

"Do NOT fucking run out on me AGAIN! Just because I say something that you don't love, that doesn't mean you have to run away and go pout. You could always do something crazy and let me explain instead of just assuming I'm an asshole. Doesn't the person you're in love with deserve at least that much" Gordie said the last part softly, knowing it would make Chris stay.

"I'm listening" Chris bit off, not turning around.

"I know you've had a fucked-up life. Man, I know that. It's me, Gordie. If anyone else knows how hard your life's been, isn't it me? You know I don't mind listening to you." Gordie grabbed Chris' arm and turned him around, grabbing his chin and forcing him to look him in the eye. "You know that if anything ever happens with your Dad I don't want you to hesitate to come to me. I love you Chris, I care about you more than anyone or anything in the world. You know that. I know you do. But you can't dwell on the bad things in your life. Everyone has things about their life that they don't like. But you can't dwell on it or you'll go crazy. You have to realize that there are good things in your life and concentrate on them. Your Dad sucks. You know that, I know that, the whole fucking town knows that. He probably wont ever change. But instead of dwelling on that, think about the way he used to be and appreciate that. Lots of kids don't even get that little. Learn from it, and make sure that you're never like that. Instead of being sad that being gay isn't accepted by many, just be happy that you fell in love and it's returned, and fuck everyone else. Nobody else matters Chris, you won't remember any of those guys' names a couple of years from now. And besides, they never liked us before, at least now we're happy. And that's all that matters. I'm not trying to cheapen what you've been through, Chris, but your Dad's been an asshole for a while now, and probably isn't going to change much in the foreseeable future. It's time to accept that and move on with your life. You'll never completely enjoy life if you don't and if we're going to be together I have to have all of you, you can't have a piece of you locked away mourning over a father who's been gone for years."

"Damn" was all Chris said.

"I love you Chris, and I have to be honest with you. Any other way wouldn't be fair to either of us" Gordie said, biting his lip.

"Damn" Chris repeated, then after a few minutes "You sure don't pull any punches do you?"

"I don't like seeing you in pain over that bastard all the time. I know you can't stop caring. I mean…it's your father. But, Chris, he's never going to change, and you have to realize that and stop letting him hurt you or you'll go insane. I'll always be here for you, and it will never go away, but I wanna see you happy. Let it go Chris."

"Damn" Chris said yet again, no longer angry, but more shocked than anything.

"I'm sorry, but it needed to be said" Gordie said.

"No. You're right. I know that. It's not like I haven't thought about it before. Its just…hard." Chris said, his voice growing rough with emotion.

"I know…I mean, I don't, but…yeah" Gordie said, at a loss for words.

"Why couldn't I have had a normal Dad Gordie?" Chris asked in a tired voice, like it was a question he had already heard a thousand times.

"No such thing" Gordie said wisely.

Chris looked at him with a half-smirk in his eyes "Yeah, I know, but why couldn't I have gotten one of the nice ones?"

"If you had you wouldn't be the person that I love. If you hadn't had such a hard life you wouldn't have as much appreciation for the good parts. And when we get away from this place, and we have some quaint little house in the middle of nowhere and we don't have to deal with any of this crap anymore, you'll value it that much more. If your Dad wasn't drunk you wouldn't have such strong conviction. Going through what you have has made you stronger, and I wouldn't want you any other way. So don't be sad about the past, be happy that you have so much to look forward in the future." Gordie said with the sweetest smile Chris had ever seen in his life.

Suddenly Gordie felt his body being engulfed by Chris' thicker, stronger one. "I love you" Chris got out desperately before crushing Gordie's lips with his desperate, almost frantic ones. Gordie tasted the salt of Chris' tears on his lips. He didn't shy away, but gave back just as much. After a few moments the kiss lost some of its franticness but none of its intensity. Chris ran his fingers through Gordie's hair a couple of times, then, pulling his mouth from Gordie's, kissed him on the tip of the nose then gave him a quick hug.

Grabbing Gordie's hand, Chris said "Lets go on a walk"

-----------------------------------------

Chris walked into the school building, looking around for Gordie. He still wasn't completely sure how they were supposed to act in school. Suddenly he felt someone pushing him from behind.

"What the--" Chris started, ready to get mad.

"Come on" the person said, continuing to push him along.

"Oh! Hey Gordie. What's going on?" Chris asked, now walking willingly and allowing Gordie to lead him.

"Come on," Gordie said pushing Chris into the bathroom and then the nearest stall.

What the--" Chris started again but was cut off by Gordie's mouth attacking his in a long, messy open-mouthed kiss.

"There, that's better" Gordie said before giving him a couple of quick pecks on the lips.

"Well good morning to you too mister" Chris said, his hands resting casually on Gordie's hips as he leaned up against the wall of the stall.

"I missed you" Gordie said a bit shyly. Feeling less sure of him self now that he had actually dragged Chris into the bathroom.

"Well then, maybe I should go on a trip or something. See what your greeting would be then." Chris said with a huge grin.

"You better not, I'd miss you so much I'd have to hunt you down and kill you." Gordie said, laughing.

"Don't worry, I wouldn't be able to stay away" Chris said, kissing him on the forehead. (They're getting it all out now since they won't be able to do this kind of stuff throughout the day).

"Um…Chris, is this okay?" Gordie asked.

"What? The stall? Well, I have to say, not the most romantic of places, but we have to make do." Chris said, squeezing the skin beneath his hands slightly, causing the very ticklish Gordie to squeak slightly.

"Stop that! And no, I mean, is it okay that I grabbed you and we're doing this in school?" Gordie asked.

"Well, I personally have absolutely no problem with it. But yeah, we might want to be a bit more discreet." Chris said with a snicker.

"We're in a stall. No one can see us." Gordie said confusedly.

"Yeah, that part's fine, but the part where you shove me down the hall and into the closest bathroom then, without checking for other people, shoved me into a stall…not so subtle Gor." Chris said, pinching his side.

"Oh, yeah, sorry bout that" Gordie said sheepishly.

"Hey, its fine with me. The rest of the school, however, might have a thing or two to say about it." Chris said with a wink.

"True--" Just then the bell rang "Crap!" Gordie exclaimed. "I haven't been to my locker! I didn't know we had been here that long."

"Time flies when you're having fun" Chris said insinuatingly.

"Perv," Gordie said lightheartedly "I gotta go. Love ya" he said, reaching for the stall door.

"Now hold on one minute. Don't I get a goodbye kiss?" Chris said, then without waiting, pulled Gordie in for a deep kiss that lasted for several seconds. "Cya in class babe" Chris said, opening the door and leaving a breathless Gordie alone.

Gordie touched his tingly lips in shock. "Wow" he said aloud.

"What?" Some random guy asked as he walked in.

"What? Oh, nothing, I was just thinking that I'm probably going to be late…again." Gordie lied, making his way out the door to go to his locker before class.

A/N: Sorry if it's a bit short. Not quite as sappy, but still pretty bad, I know. Hope the kissing doesn't bother you. I didn't think it was that bad. I tried to keep the required rant as short as possible. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!! Love you all!!

A/N: okay, I just reread this before I post it, and it's really bad. I really don't like the way this fic is going. I'm actually not to sure if I'm going to continue this. What are your thoughts?


	28. Truth or Dare

Gordie was hurrying to get the last of his books shoved into his locker so that he could meet Vern to go sleep over at his house when he felt himself be embraced by two strong arms around the waist and pulled up against a firm chest.

"Eep! Chris!" Gordie exclaimed, trying to twist around in his arms.

"No, don't, this is nice" Chris whispered against his ear.

Gordie felt a shiver run up his spine "Stop," he said without conviction, "anyone could see".

"Gordie, there's about two kids left in the whole building, you're so slow, you're like a crossbreed between a snail and turtle" Chris said with a chuckle.

"Hey! I resent that! I think I'm at least a cute little sloth!" Gordie said, trying to sound offended.

"Oh, I didn't mean looks. You're past cute to downright edible. Especially in this shirt, which, might I add, brings out the color of your eyes" Chris retorted

Gordie looked down at his shirt, then looked back at Chris with a dumbfounded look on his face, "Chris, you've seen this shirt like five million times"

"Yeah, but then I couldn't do this." Chris said, then proceeded to bite Gordies earlobe.

"Aaah!" Gordie said, jerking out of Chris arms "Chris! Somebody's gonna see!"

"I'm watching, give me some credit. It's you're fault." Chris said calmly.

"How is it my fault you can't keep it in your pants?" Gordie asked.

Chris raised an eyebrow in answer, giving Gordie a look that said he knew the answer.

"Shut up. You are such a perv." Gordie said with a shake of his head.

"I know." Chris said in a significant way. "But seriously, doesn't your dad work late tonight?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Well, I was thinking since it's Friday night, I could come over and we could eat a bunch of junk food, watch cheesy horror movies, and make out on the floor like idiots." Chris said with a huge grin.

"Sounds great…" Gordie paused, and then, noticing Chris grin widening, bit his lip "only…I can't"

"Well fuck, why" Chris asked, sounding more than a little disappointed.

"I already made plans to spend the night with Vern"

"Well, can't you just…I don't know…reschedule? I haven't seen you all week." Chris asked hopefully.

"I can't Chris, that would be really harsh. And besides, I like spending time with Verno, he helped me through a rough time." Gordie explained.

"Yeah, me" Chris said sadly.

"Hey! You could come too! It would be fun! No making out, but the rest of it'll happen, and at least we'll get to spend time togtether, right?" Gordie suggested, giving Chris a huge grin.

"I don't know…" Chris said, sounding uncharacteristically unsure.

"Aw, come on. You know Vern won't mind, his number one motto is 'the more the merrier'"

"I guess…yeah, okay, it'll be fun." Chris said, getting over his disappointment.

-----------------------------------------

Gordie and Chris approached Vern, who was waiting for them right by the door of the school.

"Hey, Vern, is it okay if Chris comes over tonight too?"

"Sure. Hey! That's great, there's a lot more three player games than there are two player!"

"Yup, there sure are Vern."

"Aw, man, this is gonna be so much fun, we can play cards, and truth or dare, and…" Vern rambled and Chris, Gordie, and he walked out of the building.

-----------------------------------------

"I can not believe I am actually playing this lame assed game" Chris said dramatically.

"Shut the fuck up and pick" Vern said.

"Truth" Chris said boredly.

"Pussy"

"Shut up and ask a damn question"

"What happened between you and Gordie?" Vern asked, all amusement gone from his voice.

"What do you mean?" Chris asked, trying to play dumb.

"I mean, as much as I liked that he trusted me, he shouldn't have had to talk to me about his dad, and wouldn't have if you two hadn't been fighting. And don't bullshit me, either, Chris." Vern said, looking Chris dead in the eye.

"We were just um… fighting…over some stupid personal shit." Chris said, embarrassed.

"That's a sucky ass answer Chambers!"

"Well, it's all you're gonna get."

"Whatever, fine. Go." Vern said, pouting.

"Umm…Vern." Chris said, hoping he could get him not to sulk.

"Truth"

"Do you have a girlfriend?"

"What? Are you kidding? I don't wanna be tied down! My turn again. Umm…Gordie"

Gordie thought for a second "Dare"

Vern got an evil glint in his eye "I dare you to kiss Chris"

"What!" Chris shrieked, shocked.

Gordie looked hard at Vern, then realized that he knew something was up but didn't seem upset. Gordie decided to take a huge chance and when Chris turned his cheek torward him, he grasped his chin and turn his head to face him. He looked at him for a split second and then kissed him passionately, forcing his tongue between his lips and grasping fistfuls of his hair. When they pulled apart, slightly out of breath, Gordie looked and Vern and saw a shocked look on his face.

"Well…" Vern said.

"Yup" Gordie said awkwardly.

"So you two are…"Vern trailed off.

"Yeah" Chris said, realizing he knew.

"How long?" Vern asked.

"Well, we got together a little bit before the whole fight and we've been more serious since the fight." Gordie explained as best he could.

"That makes sense. The fight probably had something to do with you getting together" Vern said, thinking aloud.

"You don't care?" Chris asked.

"Well, I've always kind of suspected about you two. And as long as you're happy, I don't see why it matters. I never did see why it was such a big deal. Just leaves more girls for me as far as I'm concerned." Vern said with a good-natured smile.

Suddenly, Vern found himself on the receiving end of a tight bear hug from Gordie. He was just about to comment on the lack of oxygen to his brain killing his last brain cell when he felt Chris giving him a much softer hug from behind and gave up, hugging his two friends back.

"So you really don't care?" Chris asked in an amazed voice one they finally let go of each other.

"Naw. I mean, I'd rather you be together and be happy than be with some girl you don't care about and be unhappy. Plus you two are perfect for each other, why should you be apart because neither of you have boobs?" Vern asked logically.

"Wow, you're amazing, do you know that Vern?" Gordie asked.

"Because I'm not a homophobic asshole? " Vern asked incredulously.

"Because you accept people as they are, no questions asked, and that's a rare quality" Chris said sincerely.

"What was I supposed to do, run screaming from the room and never talk to you again?" Vern asked.

"A lot of people would Vern" Chris said pointedly, amazed that Vern was unaware of that.

"Well, I guess that's why you're friends with me and not them, huh?" Vern asked, patting Chris' shoulder affectionately.

"Yeah it is" Chris said, still slightly in shock, he had never dared to dream that any of his friends would be supportive. Who would've thought? Vern of all people. Chris sighed inwardly, regretting all the cracks he had made about Vern in the past.

"I wouldn't be to sure about that" Gordie said suddenly with a sad look on his face.

"Huh?" Vern asked.

"I wouldn't be so sure we're not friends with them." Gordie clarified.

"Would you mind explaining what the hell you are talking about hon?" Chris ventured

"Teddy" was all Gordie said.

****

A/N: Okay, guys, I did it, I fiiinally updated!! Im so so so so soo sorry it took so long and that there have been such big gaps between the last few . I really appreciate all of you who have stuck with me through all this and continued giving me praise!! I also appreciate those of you like Genuine who are nice but don't hold back from telling me when something is…shall we say…less than perfect. ::cough cough:: It helps me to improve without bashing my confidence. But I'm a sucker for ALL reviews, I like to print them out and roll around in them like Scrooge Mcduck!! :p I should warn you though, the next chapter is the last Eek!! I don't want to be one of those ppl who continue with a story after they should have ended it until they kill it and ruin the happiness that it was. Question: do y'all want me to do a page of responses to all of you?? I feel like I haven't responded to you properly and I want you all to know that I read each and every one of them and I love them all. (even the short ones that just say update!) Like, seriously y'all, it's almost sad… I have a file at me e-mail account where I've saved all of them…and I freak out every single time I get one and get a review!! I mean, I don't know about y'all, but to me the whole point of writing is the response I get. Ex: Right in the beginning, I was babysitting next door and they didn't have a phone, so my sister CAME OVER just to tell me that I got two reviews. The rest of the night I kept wondering what they said, and if they had had a phone, I would have called my sis and had her read them to me…it really is quite sad, I know. So anyway baaaack to the point…do y'all want a response page?? I kinda think it would be neat to do, but I know that it gets on a LOT of people's nerves, so if you don't want one, just let me know and I won't. But none of that matters quite yet, because there IS one more chapter. I was just letting y'all know now so that I wouldn't need to ruin the affect of the ending with this huge freakin rant that I'm sure lots of you didn't even read…I cant possibly imagine why!! ::cough cough:: okay…I'm done…I'm leaving…BYE!!


	29. Facing Reality

****

One Month Later

Gordie was just walking into the school building when he felt someone pinch his side gently, making him yelp and jump to the side. "Chriiis, you know I hate it when you do that!"

"Sorry I couldn't resist, its just so cute the way you squeal like that!" Chris exclaimed, proceeding to pinch his side again.

Gordie yelped again and pulled away from the touch. "Don't do that! Jeez. And I do not squeal!" Gordie said, trying to sound offended.

"What the fuck Gordie? If you don't squeal, then what was that sound you just made, huh?"

"For your information, that lovely noise that you just forced me to make was a very rugged shriek" Gordie said superiorly.

"Oh, ok, I see" Chris said with a very compassionate, understanding, and completely fake face.

"Shut the fuck up you asshole!" Gordie exclaimed righteously.

"Okay, subject dead, new topic…um…so where the fuck were you this weekend?" Chris asked.

"Oh, I spent the night with Vern Saturday, and then we went fishing with his dad Sunday. I tried to call you but no one picked up. We're thinking of doing it again this weekend, wanna come?"

"I don't know, my Dad's been a real asshole the past couple days, but it should be okay."

"Sounds good" Gordie said as they walked past the bathroom.

"Hey, hold on. Feel like a bathroom trip?" Chris asked suggestively.

"I don't think we have time man" Gordie reasoned.

"Come on man I didn't see you all weekend" Chris said with a slight pout.

"Well…I don't know" Gordie said, pretending to be deep in thought.

"Come on, how can you resist this?" Chris asked with a playful hand gesture, knowing Gordie was just messing around.

"Well…okay, I guess I can spare a few seconds" Gordie said, trying to sound put off.

"Don't worry, I'll try to keep it real short" Chris said with a serious face.

"Sorry, I don't think there's anything you can do to make that happen" Gordie said with a suggestive glance.

"Uggh, you are so perverted, I don't know where you get it from. I swear, I just don't know what I'm going to do with you." Chris said, sounding exasperated.

"I do" Gordie said with a raise of his eyebrows.

"Uggh, get in there already would you?" Chris said, pushing Gordie through the door.

"Hey, don't be so rough with me! I'm fragile." Gordie exclaimed.

"Yeah, about as fragile as a newborn dragon!"

The two boys checked to make sure that no one else was in the bathroom and when they saw that it was empty, quickly walked into the stall furthest away, and locked themselves in. They were so involved in each other that they didn't hear the bathroom door open.

Theodore Duchamp walked into the bathroom and was taking a quick piss before he headed to his first period class when he heard odd noises coming from the last stall that made him smirk. He knew what those sounds were. Had made them a couple of times himself. He quietly walked over to the stall and pressed his ear to the door, listening like the pervert he was. But the sounds he heard were enough to make him lose his breakfast right there. Holy shit! It was two guys! Teddy was just about to get the fuck out of there when he heard something that made him pause.

"Fuck Gordie, you are so fucking hot."

"No I'm not, don't say that."

"Yeah, you fucking are. So small and compact. You're perfect."

"Yeah, a perfect girl."

"Oh shut the fuck up, you are totally ruining not only the moment but the mood. And you do not look like a girl and if you did, I wouldn't be gay"

"Gee, Chris, need to get so sentimental on me," Gordie said sarcastically.

"Sorry, I guess I'm just a mushy guy by nature", the huge smile could be heard in Chris voice.

Holy shit, Teddy thought. It was Chris and Gordie. Gordie and Chris. Chris and Gordie were gay?! They still sounded like the same old Chris and Gordie, joking around and teasing each other constantly. Only now they were joking around about the sexiness of Gordie's body! Uggh! Teddy felt himself shiver convulsively. This was just too much! Teddy turned to leave when he heard the stall door open.

"Teddy? Uh, what are you doing here?" Chris asked, sounding nervous.

Teddy turned around to say something and decided that he would pretend he hadn't heard anything. Yeah! That was it! Yeah, he'd pretend he _didn't_ know his best friends were gay together. When Teddy turned around and saw the two of then, though, he couldn't even open his mouth to say anything, much less pretend like nothing was wrong. The two boys saw him turn completely pale and then run out of the bathroom.

"Holy shit Chris! Holy shit! He knows! Teddy totally fucking knows" Gordie shouted, panicking.

"It would appear so" Chris said with fake calm, knowing if he got upset Gordie would completely lose it.

"Chris, what if he never talks to us again?" Gordie asked, no longer shouting.

"Gordie, that's not going to happen" Chris said confidently, knowing it was what Gordie needed to hear right now.

"How do you know that?" Gordie asked, looking at Chris hopefully.

"I don't" Chris said, looking to the door.

"Hi Gordie"

"Hey, Vern"

"Hey, Chris"

"How's it going Vern?"

"Um, okay. Not the best of days?"

"You could say that. Teddy knows."

"Yeah, I know. He told me what happened, he was totally freaking out."

"Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck! He's never going to talk to us again!"

"Don't get so upset Gordo. I'll try to talk to him. He might listen a little bit better to it coming from me"

"Thanks Vern, you're a good friend."

"Hey, don't sweat it Chris, I'm sure he's just freaking out because it's a shock."

"Yeah" Gordie said halfheartedly.

"My dad's working the night shift tonight, wanna come over?"

"Yeah, that'd be nice, my Dad's been on a mean streak lately."

"Okay"

"Okay"

The two boys turned away from Chris' locker when they saw Teddy see them and immediately turn to leave.

"Teddy, just talk to us man!" Chris exclaimed.

"Chris, I don't know what to say" Teddy said significantly.

"How about hi? Nothing has to change." Chris said pleadingly.

"Don't you understand Chris? Everything _has_ changed."

Gordie got a crushed look on his face and Chris put his arm around his waist for comfort. Teddy pretended that he didn't notice.

"But why Teddy, we're the same people we were yesterday." Chris reasoned.

"Chris I don't think I will ever be able to think of the two of you the same way I did ever again" Teddy said sadly.

"Teddy, don't you understand? It's just love, love doesn't care about stupid things like gender. Love has no eyes." Gordie tried to explain.

Chris tightened his arm around Gordie's waist for a second in a semblance of an embrace to show him that he agreed. Teddy, having seen this, flinched and took a step back as if he had just seen something disgusting.

"That," Teddy said, pointing to where Chris' hand was resting. "That's not love," Teddy said with an emphatic shake of his head. "Love is beautiful and it's the most natural thing in the world. There's nothing even slightly beautiful or natural about what you are doing. Its just fucking disgusting" He finished vehemently. With that, Teddy turned and left without another word.

------------------------------------------

Chris and Gordie were sitting on Gordie's bed with their backs against the wall. They had been sitting like that for a little over an hour without saying much of anything, both were deeply involved in their thoughts.

"He hates us. He thinks we're 'disgusting and unnatural'." Gordie said sadly.

"Teddy doesn't know shit." Chris said tiredly.

"I know. It just sucks"

"Yeah, it does." Chris agreed. Gordie let out a deep sigh.

"Hey, don't worry about it, Gordie, he'll be okay with it eventually." Chris said, not sure who he was trying to convince.

"But what if he's not" Gordie said, voicing both their thoughts.

"Then we'll deal with it" Chris said, looking Gordie in the eyes.

"Yeah, I guess we will, won't have much choice will we? I just, I don't want to lose him" Gordie said matter-of-factly.

"Hey, at least Vern is okay with it right? I mean, its more than I would have expected." Chris said, trying to look on the bright side.

"Yeah, at least there's that" Gordie agreed.

"I'm sorry it has to be this way, Gordie. I wish it wasn't." Chris said, hating that Gordie was in pain.

"Hey, don't be sorry. It's not your fault that the world is a fucked up place that will hate people for loving each other. It doesn't matter though, Chris, because I don't care if the whole fucking world hates us, as long as you still love me, I'll be happier than I ever have before. Because you have more love than all of their fucking hate combined."

Chris felt tears pricking his eyes and pulled Gordie into a tight embrace. "Damn, I love you." he said with reverence.

"Me took, Chris, I'm so fucking in love with you that sometimes its like a physical pain." Gordie said, running his hand through Chris' hair, he loved his hair.

"Really?" Chris asked, pulling back just far enough to look into Gordie's eyes.

"Of course, you idiot!" Gordie exclaimed affectionately.

"I mean, I always knew you loved me, but I guess I just never imagined anyone ever being **in** love with me." Chris said happily.

"Well, I am, you ass. You know I've always loved you, and now I don't think I could ever be **in** love with anyone else. You're it for me." Gordie said emphatically.

Chris pulled Gordie into a very passionate but gentle kiss, gently biting on his lip to ask permission to enter. Gordie granted it by parting his lips and softly running his tongue over Chris' top teeth then he felt Chris run his tongue along the roof of his mouth and then rub his tongue against his before pulling back for air.

"Gordie…do you want to…um…I mean if you don't, it's okay. I was just…" Chris trailed off, feeling shy.

"Yeah, I do. Do you?"

"Yeah, of course I do" Chris said immediately. "It's supposed to hurt a lot the first time…and I don't want to hurt you".

"I trust you, Chris".

"Are you sure, I mean, I've never done anything like this before. I don't really know what I'm doing." Chris said, feeling very nervous.

"We'll figure it out together. I trust you" And with that Gordie captured Chris' lips in another passionate kiss, this one a little more confident.

Gordie woke up with a huge smile on his face and without opening his eyes tightened his arms around the stomach that he was currently pressed up against in spoon fashion. He pressed his nose against the curve of Chris' neck and felt hair in the way. That wasn't right. Chris' hair wasn't that long. All of a sudden he realized that the body he was pressed up against was a woman's. He sat up as reality came crashing down on him. Fuck! It had been six and a half years since Chris had died in that restaurant, and still, Gordie dreamt about that first magical night with him. Fuck! Would they ever stop? Would the past ever stop haunting him? With a deep sigh, Gordie laid back down and, trying to put thoughts of Chris Chambers and the past out of his mind, forced himself back to sleep for the millionth time.

A/N: That's all folks! Sorry to anyone who loves Teddy. I don't dislike him at all but that was how I wanted my story to go and of the choices, he seemed the most likely to react that way. J I tried to make it so that you had the choice of deciding that he got over it. Hope the ending lived up to everyone's expectations! Much love, Katie.


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